(I work for an online store as a customer service employee, team email. Our emails always start with “Geachte heer/mevrouw,” translating it as “Dear sir/madam.” One customer is irate and one of my colleagues makes a typo in the start, “Gehate heer/mevrouw,” which you can translate as “Hated sir/madam.”)
Customer: “This is outrageous! How dare you treat me like that?”
Me: “I do apologize; it was a typo. My colleague meant, ‘[proper introduction].’”
Customer: “Stop lying! I know all the Internet slang! Your colleague just threatened me!”
Me: “Again apologies, sir, but it was a typo. My colleague had no malintent.”
Customer: “I will go to the police and file a report! Two reports! One for you guys scamming me and the other because [Colleague] threatened me! I have the email as proof!”
(It was then decided it would be sent through to our main office. They, too, couldn’t convince the man it was just a typo… The original complaint? The man had given a wrong address and the order had returned, giving him a full refund.)
Scammers Bring Out The Inner Psychopath In All Of Us
(I’ve been getting a lot of scam calls recently and I’m sick of them. The next time one calls I decide to have a little fun with them.)
Scammer: “Good morning, [My Name]. I’m calling from [UK ISP that scammers always claim to be calling from]. We have detected errors on your broadband line…”
Me: “Well, okay, but who did you say you were looking for?”
Scammer: “I’m looking for [My Name]. I’m calling from [UK ISP].”
Me: “Ah, sorry, mate. [My Name] doesn’t actually live here anymore!”
Scammer: “I see. Do you have a number for him?”
Me: “Well, it’s going to be tough to contact him; he’s in prison.”
Scammer: “I don’t understand…”
Me: “Yeah, he’s in prison. Last time someone called him pretending to work for [UK ISP], he hunted them down and stabbed them to death!”
(I am with my daughter and three-year-old granddaughter, taking her to a children’s store where you can build your own stuffed teddy bears. Part of the process is to pick the “heart” of your bear.)
Employee: to Granddaughter “This is the heart of your bear.”
Granddaughter: eyes wide “Ooh.”
Employee: “You need to give it a kiss, before we put it in your bear. That way your bear knows that you love him.”
(She kisses the “heart,” and then it’s placed into the stuffing in the bear’s chest. It’s then sent off to be made, with all the customised eyes, noses, clothes, etc. Later, we’re home, and my granddaughter comes over with her new bear.)
Granddaughter: “Heart.”
Me: “Yes, darling, your bear has a big heart.”
Granddaughter: “I want my heart.”
Me: “What do you mean, darling?”
Granddaughter: “It’s my heart.” thrusts bear at me “I want it.”
Me: “Oh, no, dear. The heart stays inside the bear. That’s how he knows you love him. He needs it to stay inside him.”
(My granddaughter ponders this for a moment, and then smiles.)
Granddaughter: “Okay!”
(She then wanders away. I follow her and see her looking around the kitchen.)
Me: thinking she wants a snack “What are you looking for, darling?”
I love everybody until given a reason not to. Thing is, most will give me a reason not to within the first five minutes of meeting them. Smile, nod, walk away. Works for me.
Yakety Sax about 8 hours ago
Typo Psycho
(I work for an online store as a customer service employee, team email. Our emails always start with “Geachte heer/mevrouw,” translating it as “Dear sir/madam.” One customer is irate and one of my colleagues makes a typo in the start, “Gehate heer/mevrouw,” which you can translate as “Hated sir/madam.”)
Customer: “This is outrageous! How dare you treat me like that?”
Me: “I do apologize; it was a typo. My colleague meant, ‘[proper introduction].’”
Customer: “Stop lying! I know all the Internet slang! Your colleague just threatened me!”
Me: “Again apologies, sir, but it was a typo. My colleague had no malintent.”
Customer: “I will go to the police and file a report! Two reports! One for you guys scamming me and the other because [Colleague] threatened me! I have the email as proof!”
(It was then decided it would be sent through to our main office. They, too, couldn’t convince the man it was just a typo… The original complaint? The man had given a wrong address and the order had returned, giving him a full refund.)
Yakety Sax about 8 hours ago
Scammers Bring Out The Inner Psychopath In All Of Us
(I’ve been getting a lot of scam calls recently and I’m sick of them. The next time one calls I decide to have a little fun with them.)
Scammer: “Good morning, [My Name]. I’m calling from [UK ISP that scammers always claim to be calling from]. We have detected errors on your broadband line…”
Me: “Well, okay, but who did you say you were looking for?”
Scammer: “I’m looking for [My Name]. I’m calling from [UK ISP].”
Me: “Ah, sorry, mate. [My Name] doesn’t actually live here anymore!”
Scammer: “I see. Do you have a number for him?”
Me: “Well, it’s going to be tough to contact him; he’s in prison.”
Scammer: “I don’t understand…”
Me: “Yeah, he’s in prison. Last time someone called him pretending to work for [UK ISP], he hunted them down and stabbed them to death!”
Scammer: “F*** you!” click
(I haven’t had any more calls for a while now!)
Yakety Sax about 8 hours ago
Build A Psycho Factory
(I am with my daughter and three-year-old granddaughter, taking her to a children’s store where you can build your own stuffed teddy bears. Part of the process is to pick the “heart” of your bear.)
Employee: to Granddaughter “This is the heart of your bear.”
Granddaughter: eyes wide “Ooh.”
Employee: “You need to give it a kiss, before we put it in your bear. That way your bear knows that you love him.”
(She kisses the “heart,” and then it’s placed into the stuffing in the bear’s chest. It’s then sent off to be made, with all the customised eyes, noses, clothes, etc. Later, we’re home, and my granddaughter comes over with her new bear.)
Granddaughter: “Heart.”
Me: “Yes, darling, your bear has a big heart.”
Granddaughter: “I want my heart.”
Me: “What do you mean, darling?”
Granddaughter: “It’s my heart.” thrusts bear at me “I want it.”
Me: “Oh, no, dear. The heart stays inside the bear. That’s how he knows you love him. He needs it to stay inside him.”
(My granddaughter ponders this for a moment, and then smiles.)
Granddaughter: “Okay!”
(She then wanders away. I follow her and see her looking around the kitchen.)
Me: thinking she wants a snack “What are you looking for, darling?”
Granddaughter: “Scissors.”
FreyjaRN Premium Member about 8 hours ago
My IG account has a JPG of a kitten saying, “Sorry, my play nice button is out of order. However, my bite me button works just fine.”
blunebottle about 7 hours ago
Then don’t wear it on your sleeve.
Doug K about 5 hours ago
“I’m a really nice person.” sounds like what a psycho would want you to believe.
PraiseofFolly about 4 hours ago
Not to be confused with the Staples® “Easy” button featured in their past ads. It would be insulting to imply that “Aunt Was Easy”!
Claire Voyant about 4 hours ago
When I’m bored, I play with them too ;)
nosirrom about 3 hours ago
Seems like a lot of psycho buttons have been pushed lately.
dflak about 1 hour ago
You don’t have to push my psycho button. I’ll push it for you.
ladykat Premium Member about 1 hour ago
Nobody needs to have their psycho button pushed.
Kurtass about 1 hour ago
You’re leaning on it.
pheets about 1 hour ago
I love everybody until given a reason not to. Thing is, most will give me a reason not to within the first five minutes of meeting them. Smile, nod, walk away. Works for me.