Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for February 06, 2025

Typo Psycho

(I work for an online store as a customer service employee, team email. Our emails always start with “Geachte heer/mevrouw,” translating it as “Dear sir/madam.” One customer is irate and one of my colleagues makes a typo in the start, “Gehate heer/mevrouw,” which you can translate as “Hated sir/madam.”)

Customer: “This is outrageous! How dare you treat me like that?”

Me: “I do apologize; it was a typo. My colleague meant, ‘[proper introduction].’”

Customer: “Stop lying! I know all the Internet slang! Your colleague just threatened me!”

Me: “Again apologies, sir, but it was a typo. My colleague had no malintent.”

Customer: “I will go to the police and file a report! Two reports! One for you guys scamming me and the other because [Colleague] threatened me! I have the email as proof!”

(It was then decided it would be sent through to our main office. They, too, couldn’t convince the man it was just a typo… The original complaint? The man had given a wrong address and the order had returned, giving him a full refund.)

Build A Psycho Factory

(I am with my daughter and three-year-old granddaughter, taking her to a children’s store where you can build your own stuffed teddy bears. Part of the process is to pick the “heart” of your bear.)

Employee: to Granddaughter “This is the heart of your bear.”

Granddaughter: eyes wide “Ooh.”

Employee: “You need to give it a kiss, before we put it in your bear. That way your bear knows that you love him.”

(She kisses the “heart,” and then it’s placed into the stuffing in the bear’s chest. It’s then sent off to be made, with all the customised eyes, noses, clothes, etc. Later, we’re home, and my granddaughter comes over with her new bear.)

Granddaughter: “Heart.”

Me: “Yes, darling, your bear has a big heart.”

Granddaughter: “I want my heart.”

Me: “What do you mean, darling?”

Granddaughter: “It’s my heart.” thrusts bear at me “I want it.”

Me: “Oh, no, dear. The heart stays inside the bear. That’s how he knows you love him. He needs it to stay inside him.”

(My granddaughter ponders this for a moment, and then smiles.)

Granddaughter: “Okay!”

(She then wanders away. I follow her and see her looking around the kitchen.)

Me: thinking she wants a snack “What are you looking for, darling?”

Granddaughter: “Scissors.”

My IG account has a JPG of a kitten saying, “Sorry, my play nice button is out of order. However, my bite me button works just fine.”

Then don’t wear it on your sleeve.

“I’m a really nice person.” sounds like what a psycho would want you to believe.

Not to be confused with the Staples® “Easy” button featured in their past ads. It would be insulting to imply that “Aunt Was Easy”!

When I’m bored, I play with them too ;)

Seems like a lot of psycho buttons have been pushed lately.

You don’t have to push my psycho button. I’ll push it for you.

Nobody needs to have their psycho button pushed.

You’re leaning on it.

I love everybody until given a reason not to. Thing is, most will give me a reason not to within the first five minutes of meeting them. Smile, nod, walk away. Works for me.

It looks more like a button that could require nuclear codes

Aunty, your psycho button was pushed LONG ago, and it got stuck in psycho mode.

……who could miss it!!!!!

It seems to be a prominent feature.

Psychos are the loudest in the room but it’s just an act, it is the quiet one on the corner you keep your eyes on.

“Nice people” have more than 4 fingers!

That has nothing to do with anything why are you even posting that here?