Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 10, 2015
Transcript:
Pig: Hey, bartender... Is this place new? Bartender: Yes... It's a high-end whiskey bar. I recommend a scoth blend distilled at least thrice and aged six years in oak barrels... Served neat, of course, in a tulip-shaped glass to preserve the aroma. Rat; Me want beer. I like to keep the snobs in their place.
Sherlock Watson about 9 years ago
I have an even better method — I don’t drink.
awgiedawgie Premium Member about 9 years ago
Only aged six years? What kind of weenie Scotch is that?! That’s not high end whiskey… that’s college booze.
knight1192a about 9 years ago
Rat’s the snob.
cdgar about 9 years ago
I’d like to experience a high-end whiskey bar. I’m a whiskey connoisseur. Haven’t drank a beer since I left the Navy.
blunebottle about 9 years ago
Nothing younger than 12 for me, thanks.
DocNero about 9 years ago
Look for Ralfy Whisky reviews on You Tube. Best whisky channel in my opinion.
pgomes about 9 years ago
…scotch is only distilled twice. Irish Whiskey is distilled thrice…. and as I write this, I’m sipping Rye Whiskey neat from a tulip shaped glass (aka a Glencairne glass)
Sisyphos about 9 years ago
Aged only six years?! What a pretentious fraud!My everyday blended Johnny Walker Red is better than that! Heck, the very old partial-bottle of Chivas Regal I still have is better than that! And that doesn’t even take into account the Johnny Walker Black sipping blend….What a phony!Probably charges $18 for a glass, too, just to add a halo to the Snob Appeal.
x_Tech about 9 years ago
Next snob you meet, offer him a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.
“After two of those babies, the dullest, most by-the-book Vogon will be up on the bar in stilettos, yodeling mountain shanties and swearing he’s the king of the Gray Binding Fiefdoms of Saxaquine”juicebruce about 9 years ago
Beer will be fine.
phylum about 9 years ago
as it becomes time for the bar to close even snobs begin to become…how should I say it……compatible….
cdward about 9 years ago
HATE whiskey. Just beer for me, thanks. And if you don’t serve it, I’m happy to go elsewhere.
seismic-2 Premium Member about 9 years ago
I agree – this bartender doesn’t know what he’s talking about. A “blend”, only 6 years old, distilled “thrice”? Sounds like swill to me. Bring on a nice 12-year-old Islay single malt, cask-strength!
Carl Rennhack Premium Member about 9 years ago
Whiskey it ’twas that made me Irish grandfather shoot at the English soldiers in 1916…whiskey it was that made him MISS!
Luckily he sobered up in time to get one-way passage to the shores of Amerikay…steerage, down among the cattle. At first the odor was bad, but after a while the cattle got used to him!
CanuckAmuck about 9 years ago
A six-year old blend is not what I consider “high-end”.
WaitingMan about 9 years ago
I recently received a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue for a birthday present. Only two words can describe the taste; AWE SOME!
steverinoCT about 9 years ago
At that price it would be 40 years old before I could afford it.
JusSayin about 9 years ago
Show Me the way to the next whisky bar Oh don’t ask why …Oh don’t ask why …
The Doors cover Berthold Brecht
Except The Doors re-arranged the music. Bowie used the 1930 arrangement.
flyfisher about 9 years ago
Wife gave me seven bottles of Glenmorangie Scotch for my birthday The original 10 year old and five 12 year old assorted bottles and an 18 year old. What a treat to taste them all.
finale about 9 years ago
23 y.o. Ron Zacapa Guatemalan Rum. Life changing.
Squoop about 9 years ago
I like my pot well vaped and cooled via glass bubbler.
Rush Strong Premium Member about 9 years ago
Obligatory XKCD.
sarah413 Premium Member about 9 years ago
I enjoy a nice whisky, neat and in the proper glass. Maybe a drop or two of distilled water (via an eye dropper) just to loosen the florals. I’m not a fan of the peaty/smokey whiskies, though. I highly recommend an American Rye called Whistle Pig. The 10 year old is wonderful, and their 12 year old (if you can fine it) is out of this world!
FlatheadFord about 9 years ago
“This a really nice wine.”“What year is it?”“Tuesday.”’AM or PM?"
pjdougherty about 9 years ago
Well, first of all, if it’s Scotch it’s spelled as “whisky.” Whiskey, with the ‘e’ is correct for Irish and American. Secondly, if it’s a blend it also contains grain alcohol in addition to multiple single malts. There are some good ones (in theory) but not many. And as for a 6YO not being particularly good, I can show you a nice Kilchoman from Islay that’s probably not that old and bloody spectacular. But yes, the Glencairn glass is a must unless your aim is to get fitshased.
damifid0 about 9 years ago
Rye whiskey,rye whiskey,I cry,if i don’t get rye whiskey i surely will die. Like that saying even tho i do NOT drink alcohol anymore. I like ‘it’ too much. Peace. :)
Peam Premium Member about 9 years ago
Wasn’t “Not a drop is sold till it’s 7 days old” written on John Jameson whiskey bottles?
abbybookcase about 9 years ago
pan galactic gargle blasters and saurian brandy for everybody! drinks all around. douglas and gene are buying.
barister about 9 years ago
Right on Rat!!!
fleebell about 9 years ago
I’ve got a bottle of almost 30 year old shine…. pretty smooth now.
Number Three about 9 years ago
Like we didn’t know that already.
xxx
stubby g about 9 years ago
Cold AND on Sale! That’s what I like.
lmonteros about 9 years ago
Good for Rat! Don’t give me farm raised fresh steamed salmon on a succulent bed of organic arugula, endive (pronounced on-deev), and kale with non-GMO pecans candied in raw honey, and gluten-free whole grain bread with locally-sourced butter. Give me a tuna sandwich with lettuce.
abennett Premium Member about 9 years ago
Six years is too young for a good whiskey. 8 is minimum, 12+ is better.
junemmoffatt about 9 years ago
There are also beer snobs. Maybe Rat could be one of those.
pnmiq about 9 years ago
I love the expiration date on my beer. That way when it gets close to the date, and being the cheapskate I am, well I just have to drink it before it goes bad!
Alexander the Good Enough about 9 years ago
Q: What’s the definition of a Scottish pervert?
A: A Scotsman who prefers women to whisky.
(Please note: There were no sheep molested to make that joke!)