Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 25, 2017

Can’t President Rat have this guy interned?

Tommy is better than the president?

I have a bad feeling that, yeah, he WILL have this moron interned and waterboarded in Guantanamo Bay.

So he swims a bit, rides a bit, runs a bit. Who cares?

Where I’m from, they shot people like this.

I want to see Triathlete Tommy get into a fight to the death with Jef the Cyclist; no matter who wins, we win.

Living a disciplined existence only to be an annoying braggadocious jerk doesn’t have much value, either.

He will be the healthiest looking corpse in the graveyard. For awhile anyway.

I sincerely hope that Tommy and Jef have a full-bore head-on collision, and that there are no survivors.

While you’re out spending all your time exhausting yourself training guess who’s with your wife?

If bowling, darts, and pinochle counted as a triathlon then I’d sign right up. Funny, the one thing they all have in common is beer…

Only thing wrong with Beer is that the end result gets flushed away :-(

No President Rat?

Enjoy your own knees while you still have them, Tommy-Boy.

Hey Tommy, die young and leave a pretty corpse.

Another gem. Way to go Mr Pastis.

Ah, go date a cyclist!

Pastis clearly does not know a tri-athlete. The tria-athletes I know don’t do it to feel better than everyone else. They do it because it makes them feel better. There are some tri-athletes in my walking/running group online. Do you know what they tell the slower members of the group? “You are still miles ahead of the people sitting on the couch. Keep going.”

That sounds like my wife…yet SHE is the idiot that married ME!

I did a couple Triathalons back in my day – Tie Fighter, Heroes of Might and Magic II, and Super Mario Bros. Those days were the best!

The people who do triathalons don’t do it to feel superior to others. They do it because they like it. The people who interpret other people’s active hobbies as flaunting their superiority are insecure souls who feel guilty about not being active themselves. People talk about the things that interest them. If your triathlete friend has to listen to you talk about the latest video game or your quest for the perfect beer or your favorite sports team, you can listen to them talk about their interests as well.

I like to run. Makes the beer go down nicer.

I can picture Tommy the Triathlete as the newest member of the Village People.

just the kind of guy to die at 42 from congenital defect.

Anyone have any guesses what comic colleague Pastis might be dissing here?

Where’s Jef the cyclist? If I remember right he was a bit of a jerk too.

xxx

Tommy triathlete swims, pedals and runs. His brother donny, the tweeter-in-chief, just runs his mouth and has conspiracy theories.

I prefer the Aluminum Man Triathalon, where the three events are Open, Chug, and Crush.

I personally only know one triathelete and she is one of the nicest people you’d ever want to meet. She mainly did her extensive training and racing to get away from her asshat husband who she finally kicked to the curb and she is now much happier!

No, Rat, he’s saying he must have a death wish.

Please, Rat! Introduce Tommy the Triathlete to Jef the Cyclist and let the two try to out-boast each other until their heads explode! (Props to Sherlock, who suggested something like this much earlier in these Comments….)

I hate him and the biker

fight jeff tommy.