Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 13, 2017

Who is Jim Davis?

“You are wrong, lame-running-gag-breath.”

Where’s the mayonnaise jar from the Funk & Wagnalls’ porch?

“May the fleas from ‘Wizard of Id’s” Spook infest your armpits."

I have in my hand the last lame pun!

Canrat the Magnificent

OHHH, that hurts!

Updated Carnac—- "Irish Spring & Camay, John Paul II & Francis I, DarnOld Grump & Hillarity C.—-Name two soaps, two Popes, and two Dopes!!

This near-constant punning totally bites, and the self-referential aspect that is always a part of this stuff also sucks. God, what a waste.

I miss Carson sooooooooooo much……….. The nights he had Rickles on, ah, classic…….. And Carnac. Wow…………..

Sis, boom, baaa!

I knew the punchline before the end. Pastis is slipping.

May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub.

Avowed average alliterator avoids arrogant antagonation.

More crocs, less stooopid humans

One of these times he’s going to have a long, convoluted build-up, making us anticipate a pun, and then slip in a totally flat non-punchline. And no one will get it.

A plethora of puny puns!

Just remember, someone once described a pun as “The Lowest form of humor…that EVERYONE wishes that they had thought of first!”

“Cheetah, Muhammad Ali, and the American taxpayer.”

“Name a chimp, a champ, and a chump.”

Answer: A designated Hitter

Question: Who was the last person to see Pastis?

All I can say is rofl rofl rofl.. can’t breath help !!!

ahhhhh finally caught my breath… good thing I wasn’t drinking any thing probably would have drowned…. PASTIS you are a dangerous cartoonist !!!!

Lots of jokes translate nicely into the Spanish version. Not this one. They just gave up and ran something totally different. (But there’s a literal translation of another English idiom).

So what should today’s background music be — “Burning Down the House” by Talking Heads, or “Here’s Johnny” by Weird Al Yankovic?

Wait ’till you hear about the clean copper clappers kept in a closet..

And that’s coming from you wearing that hat?

xxx

Saw a Carson rerun the other day. Carnac’s answer was, “Glad, Hefty, and the National Enquirer.” The question was, “Name three things that contain garbage.” No love lost between Carson and Enquirer.

Pastis must have found this pun on a note from a mayonnaise (McMayonnaise) jar on Funk and Wagnell’s back porch!

Shh!

I hold in my hand the last envelope.

And the answer is, “describe why you didn’t win the Re Reuben Award again.”

Had you mentioned Gary Larson and Greer Garson, you might have gone too Far Son, so keep it in the (mayonnaise) Jar Son, before we go to War Son and we coat you head to toe with Tar Son. (And that exhausts the Alphabet on the subject)

May a syphilitic marmoset befoul your Jacuzzi.

A good pun, but arson and parson don’t mix well..