Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for May 28, 2018

Butt farting is such sweet sorrow.

The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind.

OMG! Your farting at my speech triggered me. The government should send you to an indoctrination camp!

Like women never fart?BS!

My wife once cleared a crowded dance floor with a fart. It was one of her proudest moments!

Once you’ve passed the bar…

I will never be able to read that line in Shakespeare again!

And the name of the bar: H to Ess

Wow! A confirmed Liberal like Wiley going sexist? Must be a misprint.

Bar is named Capitol Hill Gashouse

I thought that district was the entire world. My sons pull my finger (of course) and I stomp around doing the Hulk Hogan pose saying, “Yeah! That’s mine!” as my wife rolls her eyes and leaves the vicinity.

Isn’t that the sign we all have in our homes?

The two women in my life, my wife and my grown daughter, both fart ten times more than I do .

A friend and I had a farting contest one night in church. We thought it was funny. His dad, the preacher, thought otherwise.

Too many old farts are running the government.

In the first place, I do not “fart”, I am “flatulent”.

In the second place, I am not “flatulent”.

Living alone is not without its benefits.

Good ventillation in the Man Cave!

I guess the district has expanded since 1946.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FyD95Hv7CU

Elementary school cheer:

Two, Four, Six, Eight,

Now it’s time to flatulate!

As my Irish mother used to say: " An empty house is better, than a bad tenant ! "

Wiley usually pulls our legs. Today he’s pulling something else.

It comes under freedom of expression. If you don’t like it, try blowing it out of you ear.

Yeah, men and women are different. A line from my poem, “’Tis Dreaded Chick Flick Time Again”:

Just now, see couples nearly parting

O’er comedies that lack all farting

Lactose intolerance at high altitude is not pleasant. The yogurt smoothie had my wife playing a trousers tuba all evening.

This is simply an extension of an old, honored, American tradition:“Fart Proudly” (also called “A Letter to a Royal Academy about farting”) is the popular name of an essay about flatulence written by Benjamin Franklin c. 1781 while he was living abroad as United States Ambassador to France.

Women don’t fart? Poor simple child… Truth is female farts are stronger because they eat more salad, and the methane is produced by indigestible vegetable matter like cellulose. Old lady farts can kill. (Good thing my nose is plugged up most of the time, and that my wife doesn’t read the funnies.)

One time, when I was maybe 7-8 years old, I was sitting on a hard wooden pew in church and let fly with a resonant one. Now nobody would think that an innocent little kid would be devious, right? So when I turned around and stared at the guy behind me, surely nobody suspected me.

Years ago, when I was in the Navy, one of the guys in our division developed a craving for Pickled Eggs with is beer.

The “Morning After” results made standing close to him, Even Upwind, torture. Green Clouds.

After he laughed at everyone who begged him to stop eating those Eggs, we got a bit Testy about it.

So, one morning, we followed him until he steeped into a small compartment used to store pyrotechnics. Only one exit and barely room to turn around. We slammed the door with him inside and locked the Padlock. An hour or so later, when we let him out, he agreed: No More Pickled Eggs.

Oh boy… we’re WAY past that point…

I fart, therefore I am.

This one is a real day-maker.

I can’t believe that farting turned into an all-day discussion. lol

Fart smeller or smart feller? Discuss…

Oh man, its just like them to make a big stink outta this!