Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 04, 2020

What would this naked Pig need to get dry cleaned?

there is NEVER a need to pick up dry cleaning

Pig, you’re over thinking this. Take Goat’s advice – start over, go back to bed.

Steve Jobs also had the means to not HAVE to worry about the mundane.

So… the ideal life for me is running around shooting everyone I hate?

i’d like to have advance notice so i could schedule a party…

I’d probably be spending some time wishing I’d sought better cancer treatments.

Pig is no Steve Jobs to begin with…

To quote the Rabbi in Northern Exposure, “When you don’t know where you’re going, any path will get you there.”

His see thru nightie!

Nope. If I knew I’d want to do something other than working on my tax returns.

Steve Jobs was a great innovator, but as a philosopher he seemed to be lacking

That was always the issue I had with Job’s test. The answer – even though I love what I do – would always be skip work and do something else.

If you stand on the edge of a cliff like that, it may turn out to be the last day of your life.

His blanket?

Hell no!

If people actually lived every day as though it were their last, absolutely nothing would get done. Everybody would be too busy taking drugs, having sex, crying, and praying.

Having reached the age where any given day could, in fact, be my last, and looking back over my life, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that platitudes like this are simply useless. I’ve done, and each day I try to do, my best. But the trash needs emptying, the bills need paying, the yard needs mowing, usque ad infinitum. But having said that, if I make a stranger smile or do something nice for someone without them knowing it was me, it’s been a pretty good day. Even if it turns out to be my last. At least, I tried.

What dry cleaning? He doesn’t even wear clothes.

Poor PIG! Always so confused

Jobs was a great salesman and neither a tech whiz nor a nice guy.

I think in general, if any of us knew for certain this was the last day of our life we would live it differently. I mean, I have so many Netflix I’d have to multi-binge-watch. No seriously, I believe it would be spent taking a final shower, dressing nicely, dumping the bodies we hid in the basement, doing the dishes so we don’t leave those behind, getting our will in order, finishing our latest Netflix binge, make sure we’re caught up on today’s Go-Comics, atheists suddenly converting just in case, curse whatever is responsible for our untimely demise, eat a full large-bar of chocolate and ignore the calories, enjoy that final hot dog, see just exactly how fast our car can go down the highway, thank our best friend for being there always, write a totally bonkers letter to the FBI because you know you always wanted to, donate all your remaining funds to an actual legitimate charity, sit in a chair and think about your life, play one final game of Klondike solitaire, make sure your browser is empty (wait, that would probably be one of the earlier things, cos you really don’t want your friends to find out that you— the cat hater— actually watched cute cat videos regularly), hope we didn’t subconsciously put something damaging in our bucket list, and finally after all these years try to… urgh!!!…

If today is the first day of the rest of my life, then what was yesterday?

brings me back to Office Space. “what would you do if you had a million dollars (besides two chicks at the same time)” “if that was right there would be no janitors because nobody would be cleaning $t if they had a million dollars”

Once again, Jobs copied a concept from someone else. This is actually Nietzsche’s Eternal Recurrence.

Well, I’m proud to say I took the path less traveled by…and that made all the difference….

People take these things way to literally. It is simply a suggestion to think about your life in terms of what is fulfilling to you, instead of wallowing in misery and remaining stuck in a rut discontent. Many people are too comfortable in despair and refuse to consider hope and change.

probably a towel, like Donald duck (insert trademark). Donald may run around without pants, but he always wraps up in a towel after a shower.

71 people wrote comments here ahead of me and not one made the obvious choice — Would I want to do what I am about to do today? No, I do not wish to die today.

Hoka Hey ! …. Croc Power !

It’s all psycho babble.

Perturbed Pig perambulates perilously ’pon precipice path…. Ptooey!

It looks like they’re standing on a large green Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.

That’s actually why I hate these things. If I were going to die tomorrow, why would I go grocery shopping, pay a bill in advance, go to the doctor, etc.? The question isn’t as helpful as many people make out.

I got the 300th like!