Dick Tracy by Mike Curtis and Charles Ettinger for June 04, 2020

Good morning™, readers of shaky stories!

Well, it seems that Edison does have doubts after all. Crystal doesn’t have experience with boyfriends but she knows “rules”! Are there actual rules? Maybe she’s right about that.

I’m not sure you have to tell your girlfriend details about your business dealings – but you may pay a consequence if it interferes with the relationship…

Good morning™, fellow food court fanboys!

From the looks of things in panel 3, the comely and delectable Edison has already caught the eye of two new admirers. She doesn’t seem to notice but is she really unaware, playing it coy, or strenuously avoiding eye contact so she doesn’t accidentally give them the wrong idea?

Wow, Crystal has more sense as a kid than Edison does as an adult.

And have you ever wondered how Crystal sees with her hair covering her eyes?

Bad situation. I see deaths everywhere.

Crystal; you’re in jumior high. How did you learn these “rules” so early, by your own admission, you haven’t had a junior high dance boy friend, yet.

Who takes relationship advise from a kid who’s never been in a relationship?

Good Advice Crystal. Remember Shakey is a Cheat, a Liar, a Thief and a Hypocrite. Great for Politics but not Relationships.

edison, you’re taking love advice form a 13 year old. ask yourself is this what your life is supposed to be?

So….. is it just me or has anyone else noticed that this story has shifted rails? It went from B.O. trying to hide his connection to Breathless from Gertie, to Fortuna grilling Tracy for details about Breathless, to Fortuna bailing out Shaky (and possibly benefitting from his “affliction” lol) to Dr Phil… I mean the pathetic Edison bonding with the even more pathetic Ugly Crystal.

Straight to the point. That’s our Crystal.

Crystal “knows the rules” and inadvertently shares her future plans as a dominatrix with the comely and delectable Edison. They decide to work off some stress by going to the mall arcade and play a few rousing rounds of “Wack A Mole”. Although Crystal frequents the arcade, she has never noticed the amount of attention that Eugene, the arcade attendant, pays to her. Eugene is quite the career man to the point where he sleeps in on a cot in the back of the arcade. Quite a few of the girls that hang around the Orange Julius stall have eyes for Eugene, but he only has eyes for Crystal. The solution to her boyfriend woes is right in front of her. Perhaps Edison will notice and step in as Crystal’s wingperson….

By gar, by gar…

You may know the rules, Crystal, but do you know the codicil: There are any number of guys who flatly refuse to accept the relationship being ended by anyone other than themselves, to the point of becoming violent. This is unfortunate, but it is a fact.

Crystal is correct. Just because you’re not playing the game doesn’t mean you don’t know the score/

Good morning™, Dear Abby’s !

This kid may have a future as a lonely hearts columnist.

@tsull2121..no dude it isn’t just you. The Gould family just called F. Lee Bailey

1-WHATSERNAME: I’m NOT here to meet women! I’m just getting my caffeine on to better appeal to Shaky. So, what are YOU doing here?

2-CRYSTAL BETH: Well, confidentially, this is a great place to meet…

3-…Civil War re-enactors! They come here to relax after they play soldier in the park. I’m partial to the boys in blue of course.

WHATSERNAME: Because they fought to keep the union together?

CRYSTAL BETH: Yeah, sure, but mostly because they won. Everybody loves a winner!

Crystal is still young. But has a point.

All of that said, BUT!

It is VERY hard to feel sorry for Edison considering that she KNOWS who she’s dating is a criminal. If she were on the up-and-up, she should have been out of there the moment she knew.

Rules? Where can I get the booklet?

The comely and delectable Edison and Ugly Crystal sitting outside a sushi joint brings this to mind:

Q: Why are octopus sashimi and peanut butter similar?

A: Both stick to the roof of your mouth!

Thank you folks and don’t forget to stop at the all you can eat macaroni and cheese buffet on your way to the nickle slots and free watered down beer!

Ah, yes! “The Rules.” And Crystal knows them. She is perhaps more ready to face the World than is the comely and delectable and moping Edison Lighthouse….