Last Kiss by John Lustig for June 26, 2020

Whoever gets to make out with the von Tramp woman, I’ll take the part!

As long as John can fit into Captain America’s snug blue tights with no problem…

what? you couldn’t get george clooney or michael keaton…?

And the role of John’s readers and commentators will be played by Spike Jones & His City Slickers.

Cole Porter was short and balding. Fred Astaire was short and balding. When Astaire found out they were making a movie about Porter he went to Cole’s house to lobby for the role.

‘Sorry, Fred. I’m having Cary Grant play me.’

‘Cary Grant? He’s a foot taller than you! You don’t look anything at all like Cary Grant.’

‘I know exactly what I look like. The people who see the movie won’t!’

I only hope they don’t retcon the bear and make him romance Goldilocks.

My role has already been taken over by Dick Sargent.

You got me all excited. I thought Brad and Chris were going to be the romantic leads.

I’d offer the part to George Clooney, if I were them.

A sure Academy Award winner!

I’ll be played by Chris Pratt. when he was all doughy & normal looking.

I once had two women fight with knives to see which one would get me! One of them got me here and one got me here. (How I point out a couple of scars.)

Danny DeVito was approached for my part.

And gorgeous sexy actresses are vying for the romantic roles opposite John. Just say you’re not employing the casting couch, John.

Some reason i fixated on Douglas Fairbanks Jr, or Clark Gable, as John. (In their prime) He has that certain panache that we no longer see in acting. Also fits with most of his comic motifs. As for more current actors, I’d vote for Christian Bale. Having settled that question, let’s move on to the ladies…

Rated NC-17. If they cut out everything they need to to get an “R” rating it would only qualify for a Short Subject Oscar.

I’ll be playing Alfred E. Neuman.

Heck – why stop at “current day” actors? Let’s raid the “Golden Era” of movies as well! (If you go by his avatar, John could be played by Clark Gable…)

What, the Rock wasn’t available?

I can’t play me, I’m all wrong for the part. At least that’s probably what the Director will say.

Which brings up the question, who will the Director be? Not Jar Jar Abrams, he’ll just take a cannon to your canon. Not Michael Bay, he’ll blow up any woman John tries to get close to. ☺

“I’m so sad. Contractual obligation forced us to give the lead to Marty Feldman”…

More of a Robert Downey Jr.

I thought Ron Jeremy was auditioning for an aging lecher part?

I can be played by Dennis Haysbert. I look just like him… somewhat… a little bit… not really…but my voice is just like his… listen… oh never mind…

(As John’s understudy, of course — or was it stuntman?)

Sorry, John I wanted to comment about this work when it came out! TABLET went wayhoone shape. My comment is ;If this movie is animated use Sam Elliott s voice for you! Me well I am a inland Mainer ,tough call !