Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for May 17, 2021

Quick, run home and change all the lox.

“The good news is that many people find you delicious.”

That’s because he fell down and everything on the ground stuck to him.

Why not be more optimistic: “You have nothing missing.”

AND you have bad breath!

You should go home and get toasted.

I bagel to differ. Nothing a little cream cheese can’t fix.

The sprinkle salon said they covered everything….

I like onion bagels, garlic bagels, salt bagels, and plain bagels. A sesame seed bagel is okay, and a poppyseed bagel is better than no bagel. But an “everything bagel” is overkill.

It’s still better than a bagel that thinks it’s a muffin, though. Put your raisins, blueberries, and cinnamon somewhere else, please.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Great way to start the morning!

ewww.. that thing looks as if it fell and rolled under something that has not been clean for some years

I recommend a cream cheese salve.

A bagel a day keeps nothing away.

Not much we can do. If we cut you open, you’re toast

Get rid of the caraway seeds.

Drat! His birthday’s coming up, and now what can I get him?

You can’t keep us Jews in jail ’cuz we eat lox.

The everything bagel. Isn’t there a vaccination for that?

To quote ‘Higglety, pigglety, pop’ : Once Jennie had everything.

Doctor: You have everything.

Bagel: You mean I have pneumonia?

Doctor: Yes.

Bagel: Juvenile diabetes?

Doctor: Yes.

Bagel: Hysterical pregnancy?

Doctor: Uh, a little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered — in you.