Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for May 27, 2021

Viaduct?

Duct tape doesn’t work on ducts because of the variance of temperature and humidity on ducts causes the glue to disintegrate.

Read this cartoon when looking for a laugh.

So that last guy is being abDUCTed?

Used a Can Opener when he should have said “May I …”

And how about this Parisi guy who wrote his name on a police car? Lock him, up, Lock him up!

Also, “Called duct tape duck tape.”

True confession: This morning I drank orange juice from a coffee mug.

Where’s the one that used monkey glue on hair?

Monsters.

Used bath tissue as toilet paper.

Trying to figure out the grape one. “bunch of grapes”, “seedless grapes”, “wine grapes” … never heard of a puck hat, though.

I have to confess.. I also put a sandwich in a doggie bag, and the sandwich was chicken (there was probably some pig also)

I’ve been using sandwich bags to carry my face masks around until I need them. Mask restrictions have been considerably eased around here.

The style of cap I like has been called a “flat hat”, “golf cap”, and “newsboy cap”, among other things. Can’t stand ball caps. Is there such a thing as a “puck hat”? Has to be better than getting hit in the head with a hockey puck.

I see only influencers…

What a puck!

A hot babe!

Easy eating

Taped a duck

Duct tape is like the Force. There is a light side and a dark side and it binds the Universe together.

I was yelled at for not sealing the bag of croutons, even though it’s stale bread.

I sat on a foot stool.

The jails would be overflowing for the duct tape offense.

More!

I printed something 2D with a 3D printer.

I put duck tape on my ducks so they would all be in a row. Is that legal?

I put a glass of milk on my coffee table.

Duct tape isn’t for ducts, except for the foil variant. It’s actually “duck” tape, named for the duck cloth backing of the original. Using the usually-highly-flammable fabric type on ducts is a violation of building code in many jurisdictions.

I really don’t see the problem with the “grape” one. NO ONE sells grape bags! Maybe she should have used a generic “ snack bag”. But…what if the grapes were her whole meal?

Ironically studies have shown that the duct tape is a product that fails 100% of the time when used for sealing duct work….

Been to many a hockey game in my time, saw more people wearing baseball caps than I can count. Is this some kind of Canadian thing?