Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for January 17, 2022

And it’s double spaced.

Either they’re seeing the problems here or just stating the obvious because…well they can.

Can you even write six years’ worth of autobiography on one sheet of paper?

There are second row “celebrities” who wrote their biography at the age of 30. And they have never worked in their life.

1 page at a time, Calvin – 1 page at a time! Keep going…

Write large…..

So just make up the rest of your life

Sometimes a teenage Olympic athlete will write an autobiography, but if their life consists of school, practice, and nothing else, it could be a boring book.

All he needs is one line: “I drive everyone around me up the wall.”

Seize the moment!

All the things Calvin has done to Rosalyn would take way more than one sheet of paper.

“Teacher only gave me one sheet of paper.”

I was born.

I met Hobbes.

The end.

All it needs is just one line….

https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes

….of course that sheet has to be made of hyperpaper :D

“It was a dark and stormy night……”

Is it going to be a full exposé, warts and all? Confessions to deeds done, flirting with danger, not to mention Suzie, Full discloser of various machines?

It’s sad to see anyone with that smug “know it all” expression that Calvin has in Panel 2.

He obviously picked it up from his dad.

You should probably skip the parts with bed-wetting, spanking, etc.

Fortunately we can rely on Bill Watterson’s documentation of Calvin’s life instead of having to rely on Calvin writing an autobiography.

“I started out as a child…”

I love Calvin’s fourth-wall looks.

Hobbes…the voice of sanity in the third panel!

I am writing my autobiography. So far it’s a couple of gigabytes. and I’m only half way through.

It starts off with, “Born in a humble log cabin in Brooklyn, New York, I studied electrical engineering by the fireside …”

Too presumptuous?

Oh hell I’m 69 yrs young and could fit mine on one sheet of paper.

Most people could accomplish that.

Do we even think about our lives in retrospective until our early teens? I remember very little of my first six years even now… maybe a total of a dozen or so hours altogether.

I remember them telling me to write an autobiography in grade school. It was a short story and I ended it with “..and I lived happily ever after.” I don’t remember my grade or the teacher or the class or anything else about it, but I remember that. I’ll have to wait to read my biography to find out what really happened.

One sheet is hardly enough to write the confession for his latest caper.

Sure tell the world you came from a Kmart Blue Light Special.

Susie would read it if it wasn’t covered in boogers

Great punch line.

Condensing personal info is an art long overlooked.

I think I could write a book called “famous people I’ve met” – and not even cover one sheet of paper.

“In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

Is it A4 or foolscap, Cal? :D

How about “I build the best and most disturbing snowmen there are.”

I have an idea it will be an “autohagiography”. Calvin has never been humble.

Does anybody remember anything that happened before being 2 years old?

That should cover it, then.

Funnier, if: Panel 3: Hobbes: “You’ve only got one sheet of paper.” Panel 4: Calvin: “I’m just six years old.”

And the final question……..How will you write the ending?

But will he explain the noodle incident?

There was a strip later on where Calvin was writing a ‘revisionist autobiography’. Another Watterson warning on where we were headed?