That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for April 05, 2022

“How much longer do I have to sit? I really have to GO!”

The dog taught Conrad how to sit and stay.

Oh no! Was that a dog fart?

The portrait of a man desperately waiting for the restroom.

Sit! Beg! Not you, Mr. Williams, I was talking to fido.

Is that a toupee or did his pillow get molded onto his head?

Rupert’s friends said Eunice was a real dog, but he didn’t care!

/// H.M.’s Court of Exchequer he’d audit,

but when anyone said the word “fraud,” it

made Lowndes cower and quake

that he’d made some mistake.

William never got one single plaudit.

/// His pet spaniel sat near William’s leg.

Then they heard the words, “Sit up and beg!”

‘Twas Gainsborough who’d cried,

but then William complied,

and went home to consume a whole keg.

Oh, well. I don’t get to be Blue Boy. But I guess being Purple Old Fart isn’t too bad.

This experiment is a Success! I am reading the dogs thoughts…eewww. Seriously?

If the dog thinks he’s a poodle, that’s why it doesn’t go away!

Doggie Thoughts:

“This bloke has been livin’ alone/

for too long. Damn, his hair’s overgrown/

And he clutches his cane/

Like a man gone insane:/

Somebody should throw him a bone.”///

But wait- the problem’s not that./

He’s not lived alone in his flat:/

He’s been willing to pander/

To scratches and dander:/

He’s been trying to live with a cat.///

There’s a reason we’re called “man’s best friend”/

It’s a title I’m proud to defend./

For a cat’s like a whore/

Rotten, right to the core/

On us dogs you can always depend.”

Lesser moments in phallic portraiture.

Richard saw that the mouse trap worked but was filled with fear and disgust at the thought of removing it.

“He’s right behind me, isn’t he?”

Funny, but that’s the same look I have while waiting for the “prep” medicine to kick in on the night before a colonoscopy.

larry takes time out for a portrait apart from the other stooges…

Bruce trying convince the party that “the dog did it”

After watching the dog eat the maid William froze in place hoping she wouldn’t see him there.

FRISKY: Lookit this idiot dressed in curtain fabric. At least I won’t look like a floating head in this painting…

Brian May’s alternate universe outcome: “Oh, dear, maybe I should have played guitar, but I’m just so shy, what if they laughed at me, so much better that I had a career at the bank, oh, yes, I think I’m quite sure of it, oh, I don’t know.”

“Older Gentleman With His Hands On His Knob” – Not-So-Great Moments in Phallic Portraiture ( Page 322 ).

Henry realized he’d misunderstood how a therapy dog works only after two hours of talking about his mother.

This guy looks so familiar. At first I thought a bit like Buddy Hackett, but I’m not quite sure that’s quite right.

“If I play it cool they won’t know the dog is stuffed.”

I’m waiting to see the vet, I think my dog is gay?

William is glad that he wore brown after eating that bean burrito.

Kind of looks like Alex Trebek

Damn I don’t think I want to know what I’ve just sat in … wasn’t that dog sitting here a moment ago?

William Lowndes (1687-1775), Auditor of His Majesty’s Court of Exchequer: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"File:Thomas Gainsborough - William Lowndes, Auditor of His Majesty’s Court of Exchequer - Google Art Project.jpg" site=commons.wikimedia.org 

(syntax supported by the Google, Yandex, Yahoo, Bing, Duckduckgo, and Ecosia search engines) in the address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and click the first File: found for info and links that point to more info about this painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #2907 (April 5, 2022) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. So far 6 works, by this artist, have been used here. The June 7, 2021, strip has the prior. The artist info URLs in my comment there are among my blog comment’s here links.

Wonder how much the subject was charged for this “masterpiece” that makes him look rather weird.

I could swear that dog’s eyes are following me around the room! :)

If I blend into the décor, the dog won’t realise I’m the vet.

Even as a puppy, people were afraid of Cujo.

He’s in panic, I see, and it’s hurtin’/But he’s got a good reason I’m certain/For when I look behind/Him I’m startled to find/A red monster wrapped up in that curtain!

Mr. Goodbar, waiting for dog to forget what happened and go back to the dog house bar where he was picked up last night

If you’re wondering why he’s so tense/

you’re probably somewhat dense/

Know what gives him that glow:

Urinary incontinence..///

Tis his bladder the liquid distends/

Towards to his trousers it swiftly descends/

He’s not really sure/

How long he can endure../

One hopes he is wearing “Depends “…///

He’s the Chancellor of the Exchequer./

He could be the economy’s “wrecker”/

He has infinite power/

But for even an hour/

He can’t keep control of his p*cker..

This man’s expression and body language are so evocative of timidity and discomfort that I am almost at a loss to make fun of him. For some reason, I imagine him speaking with the voice of a character played by Bill Thompson on the “Fibber McGee and Molly” radio program — Wallace Wimple, downtrodden husband of “Sweetie-Face.”

Unlike dogs, cats won’t dig a deep hole/And they never require a stroll/You’ll be snug in your bed/while he’s out walking Fred/and a cat won’t find dead rodents droll

Dog companions must be bathed for fleas/they’re high maintenance, with grooming fees/A cat washes himself,/somewhat in stealth/while his owner sits back at his ease

A cat’s breath won’t knock you down flat/ he won’t dribble or slobber like that/Just provide him a toy/he will make his own joy/and there’s less chance that he will get fat.

Attending the first Furry Convention …