Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for May 24, 2022

A kindergarten class had a homework assignmentto find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boythe teacher called on walked up to the front of the class, and with apiece of chalk made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat backdown. Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.’It’s a period,’ he replied.

‘I can see that,’ said the teacher, ‘but what is so exciting about a period?’

‘Darned if I know,’ chirped the little boy, ’but this morning mysister was missing one, my mother fainted, my dad had a heart attack,and the boy next door joined the Navy."

How do we know East and West aren’t normal, and compasses just point the wrong direction on Venus?

All languages have to be learned. So it stands to reason that all languages, human or animal, would have regional dialects.

Moby Dick: Chill out, Ishmael. I’ll handle Ahab.

I had a business for over 30 years and my most loyal clients were Jewish! They were with me from day one till I retired in 2020!

Thank you!

It’s soggy. LOL

Believe it or not, the Sun rises in the East EVERYWHERE in the Universe :D If we can make sense of Earth’s cardinal directions anywhere outside of our own planet… actually, they only make full sense where they were created, the Northern hemisphere… The cardinal directions are related to the movement of the Sun and not to the rotation of the Earth. It’s a consequence of it but not the source of the word. So East is the direction where the Sun rises. In fact, we went through this problem already. In the Southern hemisphere, South and North should be reversed because South is where the Sun is at noon. And you can’t be in the Southern hemisphere because, wherever you are, the Southern hemisphere is always the other one! :D

And on Pluto the fleas all rise from the south.

Take care, may sweaty grinning Epcot theme park character photographer Gladys “I Know You’re Gassing In That Costume” Clothespinord be with you, and gesundheit.

I believe there are also regional dialects in Wales.

There have been references to Captain Ahab this morning, so here’s a chance to meet a real Pirate.

A grizzled old sea captain walks into a bar. He has a peg leg, an eye patch, and a hook hand.

The captain sits down and orders a drink. The bartender serves it, and asks the captain a question.

“If you don’t mind my asking, how did you get that peg leg?”

“I were chasing the white whale, laddie! Dangerous business.”

“Well, how did you get the hook hand?”

“Yar, it got bit off by an angry alligator in the Caribbean! Hurt like Hades, it did.”

“Wow! Well what about the eye patch?”

“A seagull pooped in me eye.”

“What?” Asks the bartender. “How did you lose your eye from seagull poop?”

“Yar, t’were me first day with the hook.”

This joke is probably as old as any member of O.F.W.T.J., so apologies if it has shown up on this forum recently.

Until next time.

1.)Venus is now on equal footing with John Wayne’s THE GREEN BERETS.

2.)Trying to imagine what happened to that snowflake when the first strong wind came up.

3.)Since fireman jokes are in vogue today—-this really happened on Groucho Marx’s YOU BET YOUR LIFE quiz show.

A fireman was a contestant and says—"You know,Groucho,sometimes people call us up and scream “Hurry over here,my house is on fire!”—-and then they hang up before giving us the address".

Groucho thinks that over and says—“Well,that’s certainly a good one on YOU,isn’t it?”

It’s too bad Jim Reeves isn’t alive to sing about THAT snowflake!

So Venus rotates the opposite direction as Earth?

Actually, Venus still rotates west-to-east; it’s just that ‘North’ is ‘down’.

Venus is also the hottest planet in our solar system – even hotter than Mercury. 800 degrees or more.

What do you get when you cross Human DNA with Whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld.

The paper snowflake is the new mascot at the university

When the sun wakes up in the west, and lays it’s head down in the east

When they ordain Madalyn O’Hair, and she becomes a priest

When a San Diego sailor comes home with no tattoo

When the lights go on at Wrigley Field I’ll be comin’ home to you

The sun doesn’t rise, it is mostly stationary, the planets rotate and revolve around it.

I’ve finally found proof the Canadians who cheer for the Toronto Maple Leafs are the smartest people in the world. One of their fans found the standard genie bottle. He rubbed it and the genie appeared. “Due to inflation i can only grant you one wish. So what will it be?” Canadian “I want to live forever!” Genie “I can’t grant wishes like that!”Canadian “Alright, I want to live until the Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup!”Genie “You crafty SOB!”

Time has stood still…Believe it or Not

Good Night Gracy, I’m turning out the lights….

Ummm…it’s about 11:45 west coast time and no update? What’s going on?

There’s quite a few comics that haven’t updated yet (4:30 a.m. CDT), including RBION.

6:10 am EDT, and no update. That’s 5 hours past when it normally updates.

Well, where’s today’s strip? It hasn’t been posted yet – Believe or Not!

Another repeat. I want my money back. Oh, right. I didn’t pay any.

It’s done with mirrors,I don’t believe it!

All right,young man,just step inside the box there/.

I HATE to hear a pizza, called a PIE. face palm