Gil Thorp by Henry Barajas and Rachel Merrill for June 15, 2022

P3: Knowing you have a problem is the first step.

Nothing is wrong except for that mustache you’ve grown…

I’ve never been in the Witness Protection Program, but I’m pretty sure that the first rule of the Witness Protection Program is denying you’re in the Witness Protection Program.

The first rule of witness protection is deny you are in witness protection.

“Are you really in the Witness Protection Program, where nobody knows where you are? My kids are in that, too!”

Like pitching in catchers gear doesn’t draw any attention…

Tomorrow, on Gil Thorp:P1:Gregggg Hammmm is in the dugout, his head bandaged like a mummy.Gil: “Gregggg, what happened?”Gregggg: “Heather Burns called and I mistook the iron for the phone. I fried my left ear off.”

P2: Gil: “That’s terrible. And your right ear?” Gregggg: “She called me back.”

P3: Gil: “That’s terrible. How can you hear me through the bandages?”Gregggg: “What?”

Meanwhile at lunch Gregg with assistance climbs on a table in the lunchroom and and in all reality announces Ì am not nor is my family in the Witness Protection Program . My Dad ripped off a drug cartel and they’re searching for us . Please help us keep our secret !

P1.5 “Now be a good boy and taste test my food for me.”

P2.5 Sadly, I think you are confusing a professional hit with a mass casualty event Curtissss.”

P3.5 “I understand, I question my judgement as to why I and everyone else in Milford addresses you as “coach” anyway.”

P1- Dadd Hamm styling with the slicked Guido look and pointing a finger like he has some backbone. Mrs. is shocked and suffers EES.

P2- With chopped off feet like Tom Dempsey, how can Curtiss keep his balance much play sports?

P3- Is something wrong she asks. Hmmmm. Missing softball team and coach, HIPPA law violations and little supervision in teaching and coaching a HS baseball team. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Bud: I threw a ball a mile and my dog ran and got it and brought it back. Lou: That’s a little far-fetched

If it was the Witness Protection Program, I doubt she’d just consider a trivial “rule” that her husband made up, and would think a story “would be nice.”

But nothing else in this arc makes any sense, so why not?

Popps shows everyone in that house who’s boss while his wifey cuts his food into easy-to-swallow size pieces

I agree mostly with Momm. I’m tired of the rule but I’m also tired of this story, nice or not.

P 4 (phone voice): “…haha…you aren’t gonna’ believe this but I let these dumb kids on the team talk me into believing that you guys are in the witness protection program…”

Tommmorrro, we learn it all goes back to the Library story and Dad’s overdue book.

Gil let’s a semi-blind player pitch, and he’s questioning his own judgment because of a phone call? Seems about right.

A Mob retaliation hit is exactly what this storyline needs.

“May I have your attention, please?” “Sorry, I’m a Hamm. No attention.”

I think there was a typo here, it was meant to be ‘witless’.

“Hi, dumb question but, are you in Witness Protection?”

“Why yes, yes we are. We’re actually the Wilsons from Fargo, North Dakota. We testified against the mob so nobody can know who we really are. Now that I think about it, Gregggg probably shouldn’t have given that background information to Heatherrrr when he did his interview. Actually, I shouldn’t be telling you that either. Oh well, we’ll just sit back and wait for Rocky and his gang to pay us a surprise visit soon.”

And speaking of information, the latest information is that today’s Mopped Up Thorp is online.

https://moppedupthorp.wordpress.com/

Correction to P3. Strike the last 4 words from Gil’s reply and it’s 100% accurate. To just about everything.

Well it’s blatantly obvious that with all this focusing on the theory that they’re in Witness Protection that there is no way in hell they are in Witness Protection. So theories as to what the real deal is? Winning prediction gets a cameo in MUT.

I want to know more about Mrs. Hammmmm’s eating and self-care habits. In the month since we’ve last seen her, she’s put on about 20 lbs. and dyed her hair yet again.

Getting pretty close to flamethrower time.

Mrs. Hamm and Gil share a laugh over the students suspecting the Hamm’s are in the Witness Protection Program. An hour after she hangs up the phone, the house is empty, and the Hamms are headed for a new start in parts unknown.

Mrrrr. Hammmmm may really be Neil Cray. Think about it. We don’t know if he really did die of a Marfans-related on-court death because the storyline died that day, too. Plus, he doesn’t want attention. Neil Cray probably faked his death and went into hiding because of that horrific long-sleeved basketball jersey… and Make-a-Wish granted him entry into the Witness Protection Program.

Triple figures….