Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for January 25, 2023

get a cactus

I saw a sign once which said “Home is where I kill my plants”. This is why I don’t buy plants.

They say talking to plants helps them grow. With Aunty Acid’s sassy mouth, no doubt she demoralizes them and screws up their pH.

We even gave up on silk plants, too dusty.

I killed every plant I touched until I got cotton gardening gloves and used them every time.

It was a cactus.

that just happened to my Rosemary

Aunty, if “watering them on Saturday afternoon” meant you gave them recycled beer, I understand why they want to die.

I wonder how many Saturday afternoons passed between waterings.

I believe that AA got the water confused with the wine.

I kill houseplants, even cacti, with enthusiasm, conviction and extreme prejudice. I don’t mean to, but I do so anyway.

When I left on vacation for the holidays, I was worried about my plants because I’d be gone for 3 weeks & the neighbor who usually comes in & waters them was in the hospital. I gave them all a good soaking, put the 2 lucky bamboos (which like being wet) literally in buckets of water, & hoped for the best. Amazingly, I didn’t lose anything!

BONUS: My Christmas cactus set a half-dozen buds – the most I’ve ever seen on it at one time – & the first 2 are blooming. I just read a few days ago that in addition to keeping it in a cool dark room, letting it dry out encourages it to bloom. Gotta remember that next time…

Are you sure it wasn’t you watered them on on Saturday, 10 years ago. You know how time fliers when you’re in a stupor.

a houseplant permit should be required for people like auntie…