Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for July 08, 2022

Sounds like the first half of Calvin’s life was a warmup for the second half.

Chapter One:

My First P**p

Oh you’re getting there, Calvin.

You could talk about the time you stuffed a real tiger in your backyard. That’s sure to impress Miss Wormwood.

if Calvin is six, why would he — at age three — be in jail? maybe he was more likely in an insane asylum

We’re sure that you can make something up

I don’t think many people remember the first 2 years of their lives. I know my first memory is when I was 3.

When he learns photoshop, he can show pictures of himself being raised by wolves or abducted by space aliens.

Jail? Hum, something your mother isn’t owning up to?

Wouldn’t surprise me……..

You WERE behind bars, Calvin.

Think even more revolting.

I love the outrageous conclusions Calvins comes up with, when he can’t remember.

Man, what “loving” parent that poor kid has!!

No wonder his only friend is his stuffed tiger!!

My memories start at around four and a half. Calvin is six, and he can’t remember only half of his life?

I’m sure you should have been in jail, Calvin, but our laws sadly don’t allow for the incarceration of infants. Not yet anyway.

With his imagination, accuracy shouldn’t be a problem.

Well, some of those baby pens do resemble jails…

First rule of Calvin’s biography, never mention the “Noodle Incident.”

I’m told that when I was a toddler, I wandered out onto the highway in front of our house. Dad put up a fence with a gate…

The Count and lovely Countess can’t wait for the streaming series by Taika Waititi on HBO Max. Seriously.

Probably true, babies are noisy and messy at both ends and should only be approached at their middle.

Ya.. crib jail.

I’ll never write an autobiography because I can’t imagine anyone would be interested in reading it.

Calvin, I finished you autobiography to this point in your life for you.

Part 1. In the beginning Calvin eat, drank, peed, pooped and cried.

Part 2. Later on Calvin learned to walk and talk, while still eating, drinking, peeing, pooping, crying, but added complaining and grandiose fantasy to his accomplishments.

The End.

10 months here. Sunset time, and I was in the back seat of my parent’s Cadillac. I recall looking up and seeing an orange animal in the sunset. Yes, a tiger, and yes that word came into my mind at that moment. Yes, I was a very early speaker. Mom confirmed the details of the trip when I was older.

Then you can’t sell your autobiography for millions, Calvin. Guess those are the breaks.

Funny how that works. We can’t remember the first years at the start and we can’t remember anything at the end. Maybe, not so funny. …really

Can’t remember the adoption home in Russia?

Ah, that playpen.

“Jail Child” will become a best selling book and be turned into a movie starring _______________ (fill in the blank)

So the only part with potential sales value is the part he cannot remember.

Reminds me of Garrison Keillor story about how he left a manuscript on a bus. Originally, it had probably been another mediocre effort by a budding talent. However, over the years, in his mind, it had retroactively become one of the lost classics of modern literature. :)

The first nine months were really gross!

Hard times kid, hard times!

Calvin continues to do revolting and unpublishable things even now – just ask Susie.

Earliest memory of my life I remember is smashing my forehead into a doorframe when I was three years old. I still have the scar.

I read someplace that we have trouble recalling the earliest years of our lives because we lack the ability then to recall events in a narrative form until we’re maybe three or four years old. I can vaguely recall some things going back that far, but I don’t have a good context for such things to fit into the story of my life. What’s even odd for me is my life from that point to when I was about twelve feels like a very long period, especially since I am so much older now; and yet things that happened to me ten years ago seem like just last year, of not yesterday.