Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 22, 2023

Plants are sentient creatures.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=couHXnRdIc4&pp=ygUacGxhbnRzIGFyZSBzZW50aWVudCBiZWluZ3M%3D

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you might try watering them Rat, just a thought…

Maybe the plant’s ending it all so it won’t have to put up with Rat anymore.

Rat’s breath is probably to blame.

I tried this with my garden, but all the plants still wilted when the heat index went over 129.

Rat, why are you surprised that your relationship with plants is the same as all of your other relationships?

I’m convinced that if you talk to your plants, sing to your livestock, tell dirty limericks to the chickens… it doesn’t have any direct effect (well except maybe to increase egg production). But what it WILL do is make you focus on the plants, livestock, chickens… and when you do that you’re more likely to figure out what they need in order to thrive.

Either Rat forgets to water them or more likely, he waters them too much!

I got my Blackberry plants, and they came with preinstalled ripe Blackberries! YEAH

With Rat, they probably want to die!

In my younger days, I had dozens of plants in the house, and lovely, well-tended flower gardens and window boxes in the front yard. As I got older, the gardens got smaller, and the houseplants slowly disappeared. Eventually, I had to stop gardening all together, and the only live plants inside were a few African Violets and 2 Shamrock plants. Then finally this year, even those got switched out for realistic fakes.

The house I lived in between birth and 6th grade had 2 gardens in the back yard. We grew all sorts of vegetables. We also had raspberry bushes and grape vines (grapes with seeds) along the fence perimeter of the property. After we moved, looking on Google Maps an aerial view of the property, the new owners put grass seed over the gardens and the chain-link fences were removed. Sigh…

I spent a lot of money in the spring for outdoor plants and did exactly what the directions said, and the only thing that came up was weeds!

Watering them occasionally also helps.

Try singing to them…on second thought…

If enough people see Rat talking to plants, they might try to have him committed.

Summer heat in Phoenix has fried ALL our garden plants. No amount of water has helped.

My late mother-in-law would insult her plants. “Grow, stupid!” she’d say.It worked. Don’t ask me how, but she had some gorgeous house plants. She was a force of nature in many, many ways.

I only talk to corn; they have ears.

Ever tried putting them outside and watering them?

Rat has no clue…..

I bet poison ivy would thrive if he tried growing that. And think of the fun of gloving up and rubbing it in the cup of Jef the Cyclist’s jock strap. >:)

As for watering the plant, well, I’m sure it gets plenty of beer!!

Talking politely to them?

remember it’s @ before # except after $

I wouldn’t give you any results if you talked to me like that!

Rat needs to get some lessons from Zonker Harris. His plants actually talked back.

You get the same reaction talking to people like that. I’ve known people like rat. Not a kind word for anyone. They’re always right.

Careful when you turn your back, Rat.

Plants can sense hostility and Rat oozes hostility.

Ratty, Ratty, oh so pratey,

How does your garden grow?

With shriveled leaves, and wasted seeds,

And ugly blooms all in a row.

Do you even water your plants, Rat?

I’ve never used ‘those words’ on my plants; probably just as well, they don’t seem to work any better than ‘love words’. LOLOL

The harsh reality is it was an artificial plant.

Can’t imagine why…

Try threats. It worked for Crowley.

Goat neglected to specify “words of encouragement,” Rat. Not intimidating curses!

The amazing world of plants, see https://academic.oup.com/bioscience/article/66/7/542/2463205

Never give me a plant that you expect to see alive again.