Herman by Jim Unger for December 21, 2023

towed?

The boxing commission has cleared you for a fight on Tuesday.

Just don’t try to put up any more lights again.

“We got you all wrapped up. Would you like a ribbon and bow?”

“You know, you really should have read the Instructions first, before using that automatic tape dispenser.”

Put him on the lawn and he could be Santa’s moose, Rudolph.

Just add the bow and he’s ready.

I scheduled my knee replacement just before Christmas. I was released on Christmas morning. The thinking was, “He’s doing well. We can keep him here with the skeleton staff or send him home with his nurse wife.”

Here is wishing well to anyone in the hospital, jail or on the street this time of year.

And we’ll help to lash you to the truck.

But Visiting Nurse services and Meals on Wheels will be in next week. Good Luck with that!

Insurance ran out.

Since you’re already wrapped, you’ll be parked under the tree. Enjoy the lights!

Be-guazed I’m wrapped so tightly, any suggestion how I do that?

Cool outfit but only if a catheter is included.

“Where were you when I was stumped for a Halloween costume?”

Can’t tell if he is happy about that news. Probably not . . .

“You might have to limit your activity a bit though.”

Um…gee…thanks, doc…

You might want to take an Uber.

He’ll be on the next flight to Egypt

And do what exactly?