Brewster Rockit by Tim Rickard for April 26, 2024

You’re Chief Doofus, ya doofus.

Position: prone; duties: greeter, i.e. “Howdy” duty

Gotta admire Cliff’s honesty!!

hmmmm, feels like a trap

Take a dozen or so of the latest résumé buzzwords, and mix well to create a word salad. It works every time.

I was going to make a rather disingenuous (though accurate) remark about the previous administration, but lately the gags have been writing themselves…

If you provide your real job description the survey will be less than confidential.

If was it easy, you would be an executive.

Well Cliff’s job is to pretend he has a job. Is that a real job? How much does it pay and how do I get a job like that?

Position: Comic strip character. Duties: Make me laugh…

My duties have been “Duties as assigned” for so long, nobody remembers what I was hired to do.

Those ‘confidential work surveys’ often have one’s company ID printed in the bottom left-hand corner…

Like our self-evaluations at work—where we have to explain what it is that we do every year. I always think, “You hired me! If you don’t know what the responsibilities of my position are, why would you expect me to?!”

Position: sitting. Duties: typing.

“I am the CEO and what I dislike is the fact that the poor fellow Cliff is not getting enough pay, is being overworked,and needs more luxuries.”

(Based on the level of competence I’ve seen so far, they might just be dumb enough to believe it and then I’ll make an even bigger improvement in my lifestyle that I have already. Mwahaha!!)

And don’t even pretend very well.

If you’re on the bottom of the corporate org chart, put “Most important person in the company”.

That’s not “confidential”.

I just hate surveys in general. I like multiple-choice tests, but surveys rub me the wrong way.