Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 19, 2024

The guy should sue both doctors so he can spend the rest of his life in comfort.

What if he ends up in telemarketer heaven?

Come the revolution, the telemarketers are on my list. I expect long lines, though.

And you don’t have to worry about parking or HOAs anymore!

Dr. Pig, that, for some reason, doesn’t sound right!

Maybe the poor guy has the swine flu!

Be glad that there is no Dr. Guard Duck. I heard he’s a quack.

My doctor gave six months to live. I told him that I couldn’t pay my bill, so he gave me another six months.

Cue Cat Steven’s “Moonshadow”.

Depressed and now thinking of bacon where you once was.

was it a threat or a promise?

Also, no more mortgage payments or income tax.

They’re a telemarketer.

That’s because he keeps getting endless texts for political donations

Hope Pig has some malpractice insurance.

That’ll be 5 cents, please.

The doc says, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is you only have a month to live. The worse news is that I should have told you last month.

“I’m afraid you have only five more to live.” “Five what? Years? Months?” “Four …”

Now I’m depressed too.

Hey! Turns out that ‘life-insurance’ thing is a win!

I’d be depressed too.

Oh great, now I can see a Close to Home panel with a guy in hell, surrounded by phones that are ringing and he’s holding one up and it’s a telemarketer, indicating they’re ALL telemarketer calls.

Too bad those calls were the only contact he had with other humans

The doctors told my friend that people with her type of cancer didn’t live past 5 years. She is now on her 14th year and cancer-free.

Death > Calls from the telemarketer.

Good news! He/she makes it through the November elections

I lost my job last October due to health reasons. Tried to find other jobs, but my health keeps going downhill. I have just this month filed for disability. I’m in debt since I have no income. I do have food stamps and medicaid, tho. Give me a smile, Pig, I need it…

It could be worse; you could be bacon. Wait a minute….

Well, you might have left his office then fallen down an open elevator shaft. Like Monty Python’s Crucifixion, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.

Well, let’s see if the guy has all he needs.One Glock 9 mm….. checkOne round 9 mm ammo…..checkTwo quart bottles 180 proof happy juice…checkYup, that about covers it.

actually, Pig makes a good point there!

Time constrained lethality.

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

Add in “No more bill collectors hounding you every month”

He should’ve gave him a cookie. He would’ve taken that and the smiley face.

Let him live long enough to celebrate Biden’s re-election

At least the results of the election won’t matter.