Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for June 23, 2024

Bill always said: “Up yours”.

Does that pose say to you “Ah, fond memories”, or “Oh my god, what the hell were we thinking?!”

“Rectum? They almost killed him!”

Bill is a piker. If he wanted to be really metal AF, he’d use a hair dryer!

After a short break, Bill resumes writing his book “Memoirs of a Defrocked Priest”.

Which was last week. He didn’t have a fever but he sure was hot!

Contactless IR detection just wasn’t the same. He still kept the old mercury stick for old times sake.

Mʏ Fᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ Pᴀʀᴛ™ ᴡᴀs “Fᴏɴᴅʟʏ.”

Oh my

Wait – didn’t Bill used to wear a bunny hat all the time.

Bill was arraigned that summer on a number of scandalous charges and held without bail.

The 16-foot outdoor advertising thermometer was torn down and burned.

After many decades, all advertising jingles, slogans, and taglines were abruptly changed by the company involved.

There was no comment on any of the fast-changing and ever-evolving fronts from any of the lawyers, spin-doctors, or publicity agents on hire from Hiney’s Root Beer.

Having heard about one notorious event involving a Hollywood actor, Bill tried to move on to bunnies — but the first one he tried clung to his pate, refusing all removal and eviction attempts, putting that line of kinkdom forever out of reach.

Bill tried to learn from the harsh life lesson but realized he was an individualist, and could never simply “take one for the team.”

And so, the nation’s largest televangery was disbanded — despite the outcry over the loss of its infamous “Show-and-Tell Testimonial Hour.”

The rectumry became a jaded and lonely place.

Times had changed, Bill realized.

From thriving on the heady days of the wildly successful Bleecker Street venue, the name of The Bitter End now made him anxious, jittery, and made Bill want only to rest on his laurels.

Today’s Senryū du Jour:

He knew it was time

to move on and make a change.

Suppositories!

— from “Where the Sun Don’t Go but the Wild Winds Blow,” by Randy Pylon © 2024 To The Point Press, c/o Obelisk Publishing, c/o Karnal-Karnak House & Spires Street Station Safehouse, a division of Plain Brown Paper Wrapper Shame Avoidance Center for the Otherwise Fruitfully Civic, LLC

what a pain in the ash

Never one to accept a cock-and-bull story, Bill was cautious, had a pretty reliable on-board B-S detector… but would occasional accept a bum steer.

Eventually, some good came from it all: Bill authored the elaborate stage play, The Living End.

Despite the extensive housekeeping maneuvers between performances, it become one of the top five money-makers on Broadway.

… largely, in part, thanks to tips from high society’s movers and shakers, and all those who walked with an unusually erect, harshly-upright walking style.

ha ha that’s a new one ;+)

True story (but you have to know what a baseball athletic cup is) :

A friend brought a date home to his apartment. Being a typical bachelor and softball player, he had left his “cup” laying on top of his TV set. His date picked it up and exclaimed “Is this an oxygen mask?” … and proceeded to put it over her nose and mouth‼️

( I think he told her yes and that it had belonged to his mom )

Today’s [needless] Bonus Senryū du Jour:

Flute of the Womb ad:

“Up or down the chute?” No way.

Coals to Newcastle.

— Exhibit # 7318-U: Museum of Discarded Advertising Campaigns

True Stories Ripped from Today’s Headlines:

Bill’s brother, Waldo, who was deeply into animal husbandry, first thought them agricultural — but finally responded to the call of the wild.

Now, no one can find Waldo.

— item excerpt, Oxford Exotica-Times

Hemrhroids, with my get Itchy w/IceyHot®.

Bill always kept his recreational rectal thermometers in the freezer.

An intervention may be needed — co-workers say Bill is spending way too much time at his orifice.

GOOD NEWS: The thermometers are all out of the house.

BAD NEWS: Bill has been spotted eyeing the turkey baster.

Try as he might, Bill still gets the chills walking through the pharmacy’s cold aids aisle.

Previews of next week’s Galaxy Quest…

Commander — pyrometric sensors are detecting unusual activity in the Gluteus sector…

Rectal thermometers were found to be a gateway and soon thereafter, Bill Tuned In, Turned On, and Dropped Out. He was ever after known as the AssMan, and his motto was free your a$$ and your mind will follow.

Days of the Late Late Show Sadly Past:

Geoff: Time for tweets and emails!

Craig: A$$ Mode!

Getting the shaft at work and being the butt of the joke in life sat so poorly with Bill, he was the very seat of many ills, and was constantly fidgety, squirmy, and crotchety.

— from The Real-Life Unexpurgated Tales of the Law Firm of Fidgety, Squirmy and Crotchety, LLC © 2024 Hoser House Productions, in association with Bench Press Publications, Ubie D. Judge Ruler Companys, Inc., and Justice How Much Can You Afford Enterprises

Take two as.s. burns and call me in the morning.

We ordered a suicide bundt cake and scored a run.

Choke up on the bat Darling.

Slider sliver on the butt to remove the threatened designated hotter hotter.

Bill apparently doesn’t realize that there are stores and web sites dedicated to bringing back those days, and at popular prices.

NOAH Regional Assistant Meteorologist for Planning, Bill Fondly, ponders the value of adding a Recreational Thermometer Outlook to the 5-Day Forecast.

He must be a real pain in the a$$.

…surprise, surprise, surprise…

…that’s not my rectal thermometer, either…

…“I’m picking out a Thermos for you…

…And maybe a barometer too…

…And what else can I buy…

…so on me you will rely…

…a rectal thermometer, too”…

…well, it’s not quite as accurate as fahrenheit…

…but I’ll Bill you now…

…and you can bill be later…

…but it’s so woke to put it to the man…

Push gass thru.

Smelly Yelly Belly Jelly to fish bye.

Herd a joke I will share.

Use

Head and Shoulders.

Better Sex without dandruff.

Give Head,

Butt how to give Shoulders?

Bill is an enigma no more!

Those were the days, my friends.