Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for August 26, 2024

so is my bank account

Annoying Levels Went From Zero To Hundred

A customer wants to pay for a thirty euro purchase with a hundred-euro note.

Me: “Do you have a smaller note? I’m only carrying smaller change in my till.”

Customer: “No. It’s legal tender so you have to take it.”

Me: “I’m not saying that, ma’am. I’m just trying to save you an awkward amount of small change.”

I call my manager for a refill for my till, but in my experience, this doesn’t happen quickly and it isn’t on the manager’s priority list if the shop is busy.

Customer: “Just cash me out! I’m busy!”

Fine, a lot of change it is.

I count in groups of five to make it easier. I’m not even at ten euro of change in various single-euro notes and smaller coins when she frantically waves her hands.

Customer: Waving a couple of twenty euro notes in my face. “Stop, you ret**d!”

She had it the whole time… and she used a slur.

Me: “I’m sorry, but since I’ve already put in the amount on the computer, I can’t take your smaller notes anymore. I have to give you change on the €100 note.”

That wasn’t true, but if you can be annoying, so can I.

The Prints-ciple Of Patience

Our store has received a $700 order that’s due ASAP, for almost a hundred-fifty blueprint scans. In all the downtime I have between tasks, I keep scanning as many blueprints as I can.

A customer requests a couple photos printed on regular paper. I refer her to the self-service machine and let her know how to get started. I also let her know we have other orders we’re working on. Barely fifteen seconds passes, and she asks out loud:

Customer: “Ugh! Can’t anyone help me?!”

I literally have my cashier ringing, one of my two floor guys ringing, with the other guy already assisting someone.

Me: “Everyone is busy, ma’am, but I—”

Before I can even mention sending someone over, she starts shouting.

Customer: “I can’t believe how no one is available!”

Me: “That’s retail for you, ma’am, we’re always busy at weekends.”

Customer: As she storms out the door. “I GUESS YOU JUST LOST A CUSTOMER!”

I won’t step over a $20 bill to pick up a nickel.

Amen!

You’re not weird, you’re “Unique”.

When I was younger I was weird

Now that I’m a senior citizen, I’m eccentric

There is no one like Me. The rest of the world rejoices.

Although Aunty Acid might have her ‘weirding ways,’ I doubt her line will eventually lead to the future Bene Gesserit order of the Empire in ‘Dune’. She is hardly a Reverend Mother (more like Irreverent) and her use of booze does not give her powers comparable to the use of Arrakis Spice. But give it 10,000 years … and who knows?

… just like every other weirdo.

Morecambe and Wise were Two of a Kind.

And speaking of being weird….

www.Youtube.Com/shorts/jMdIWUsf7Fg

www.Youtube.Com/shorts/tq4Un26r9LM

We are all one of a kind, Aunty.

All my friends are weird. Who want’s boring friends?

The older I get, the weirder I feel! We’re all unique in our own ways.

Weird….one of a kind……kind weird

WHaaaat?

And we thank the stars above that you are Aunty.

Nope, there’s The Cult of the Orange Loser and the Rethuglican party to welcome you! All one of a WEIRD kind!