From my days working in tourism in Hawaii. For context for those that don’t know Maui, you can see two different islands from multiple vantage points on the island. Anyway, we had stopped at a lookout for some tourists to take a picture and a guy being completely serious asks:
Tourist: “So which one is Japan?”
Me: “Japan is about three thousand miles to the northwest. If you can see it, you have superpowers, sir.”
I just visited a friend in Germany for almost a week. I took German in school, but that was over ten years ago, and I get no practice as I speak English with my friend. I understand a fair bit but when it comes to speaking, I’m very rusty, so I stick to saying simple things like “yes”, “no”, and “thank you.”
One day, before meeting my friend, I went to a chain grocery store to get a single banana to eat to tide me over before lunch. I instantly realised my mistake as it was late morning, and the store was full of seniors slowly pushing shopping carts around. No matter, I thought, I’m on vacation and I’ve got plenty of time.
So, with my banana in hand, I got in line behind an old couple. The woman clocked me and my one lonely fruit. She instantly alerted her husband and told him to move their cart to let me pass and waved me on ahead. I tried to politely refuse but they weren’t having it. They shepherded me ahead of them, insisting. I went ahead, smiled, and thanked them, almost embarrassed.
Then the next old person caught sight of me and also waved me past. And then the next!
I was almost at the front with only two people in front of me. The cashier made some kind of announcement. I couldn’t tell what she said because it was kind of garbled through the speakers and difficult for me to understand. I assumed she’d asked for assistance or something.
Then someone tapped me on the shoulder. I looked behind me and the couple who had initially let me pass waved me over to a different lane.
It turned out that a new lane had just been opened up and they now insisted that I be the first person to be checked out, ushering me ahead with the enthusiastic help of the other seniors in line, all of them acting like this was the most obvious and natural thing to do.
I thanked every single person I passed, smiling sheepishly but genuinely. I paid for my one banana and left, some faith in humanity restored.
I’m waiting on a refund at the customer service desk for a large department store. While the employee is diligently typing up what they need to on their computer, I see an interesting list on a whiteboard at the back. The door is open so I don’t think I am supposed to be able to read it, but I do anyway:
White Board: “Today’s topic: Why the rules for dealing with customers are exactly the same as for dealing with the Fae:”
With a title like that how could I not continue?! The rules were:
*Never reveal your full name.
*Accept nothing they offer to you.
*Never verbally agree or disagree with anything they might happen to say.
*To apologize is to acknowledge a debt owed.
*Under no circumstances are you ever to thank them.
I giggle to myself as the employee processes my refund. As he does so, another customer starts shouting at another employee at the desk.
Customer: “Why can’t you process my refund!?”
Employee: “Our return period is thirty days.”
Customer: “Where does it say that?”
Employee: “Right here on your receipt.”
The customer acknowledges this but continues to scream and shout. The customer then storms off muttering to themselves. I see this employee sigh, walk into the back, and add a new item to the list:
*Remember that they are incapable of reading signs in human languages.
We have a customer who is made up of 100% pure a**hole atoms. I cannot think of one redeeming quality about him. He’s not just rude, but he likes to go out of his way to insult or demean our staff, especially the women for some reason. Before you ask, we’ve tried to get him banned but the corporate response so far has been the equivalent of “suck it up, buttercup.”
We have a new starter, a young woman in her late teens. Recognizing fresh meat, this customer makes her his target.
Customer: “You, girl. Are you yet another high school dropout or are you qualified to ring up my items?”
New Hire: “I can ring them up just fine. Also, I’m a woman, not a girl.”
Customer: “No need to get your panties in a twist. You look like a child; don’t start acting like one.”
I can see the new hire is at first a bit shocked by this customer. I am trying to finish up with my customer ASAP and run over to assist, as it looks like the new hire’s eyes have welled up a little, but then she gets her resolve back.
New Hire: “Will that be all?”
Customer: “Oh my god, are you gonna cry? Are you seriously fighting back tears right now? Does your generation have no self-control?”
New Hire: “The fact that you haven’t been slapped in the face yet means I have plenty of self-control.”
Customer: “Where’s your manager?! You just threatened physical violence!”
New Hire: “No, I simply stated the strength of my self-control.”
The customer calls over the manager (who he knows by sight at this point) and makes his complaint.
Manager: “Did she slap you in the face?”
Customer: “No but she said she wanted to!”
Manager: “I see.”
Customer: “So what are you going to do about it!”
Manager: “Advise you to stop making everyone want to slap your face.”
We have this woman who comes in to get her kid a cheeseburger literally seven days a week, every week, at the exact same time.
It is Christmas Eve, and she is in buying the cheeseburger as normal. She has noted that we are closed tomorrow.
Customer: “Can I buy the raw ingredients for the cheeseburger so I can make the burger on my own tomorrow?”
Me: “I… uh… I’m not sure. Let me ask my manager.”
I ask and my manager comes up to the counter.
Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but while we could probably give you the bun and the cheese, we have strict rules on giving out cheese and uncooked meat separate from our meals for health reasons.”
Customer: “I see.”
She looks over at her son, who is patiently waiting near the store entrance. Over the months, we’ve begun to theorize that he’s neurodivergent in some way.
Me: “Ma’am, is the cheeseburger part of his routine?”
Customer: Realizing what I am asking “Yes! He has trouble when his routine is interrupted. I was hoping I might be able to do something about it, but I totally understand why you can’t help.”
Manager: “Well, the rules simply state that we’re unable to sell you the raw ingredients, but there’s nothing stopping you from being… uh… ‘gifted’ them.”
Customer: “Oh… Wait, really?”
My manager goes into the back and comes out with a non-store-brand paper bag, with some items individually wrapped inside Ziplocs inside it.
Manager: “Nothing illegal about a Christmas gift.”
Customer: “Oh, thank you so much! Tomorrow is going to be so much easier thanks to this!”
Manager: “You’re very welcome! See you on the twenty-sixth!”
Technically, my manager created a liability by doing that, even if there was no evidence of a sale, but he took the risk out of kindness, and to this day that woman remains a daily happy customer, son included.
If You Don’t Like Poetry We Don’t Mean To Offend, But This Story Rhymes From Beginning To End
’Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the city, the lazy-a**es shop, and the scene isn’t pretty. I’m out with my workers, right in the thick of it, and every last one of us is desperate to be rid of it. Buying people gifts? Preparing for a party? You could’ve done this last month, don’t blame us if you’re tardy! Neglect on your part is not urgency on mine; we’ve shut down way too many jerks with just a handful of lines.
And then, from the front door, there arises such a clatter; a man barges through the crowd as if no one else matters.
Customer: “Where are your turkeys!?”
His voice did then boom, and I’d NEVER seen a Christmas crowd quiet so soon. Men, women, and children all stare at this man, who glares with the confidence that only the ignorant can.
Me: “We… don’t have turkey.”
Customer: “The f*** is wrong with you?”
Yes, the lack of turkey is the fault of the venue.
Me: “This is a games shop.”
And laughter did roar at the man who asked for meat at a video game store. His face turned bright crimson as he hollered me down:
Customer: “No one has turkey in this g**d***ed town!
Me: “Why don’t you look at a place that sells food?”
Customer: “Get me your manager!
And this brightened my mood.
Me: “I AM the manager, and the owner what’s more. Either buy what we have, or get out of my store.”
The man stormed out, yelling threats about calls. (Joke’s on you, bub; there’s no corporate at all!) Grins and chuckles did spread all around as my workers and I went back to dealing with the crowd.
In the years I’ve owned this place, I’ve met many a jerk, but never before one who looked for turkey at my place of work.
I completely agree. I agonize over slights I made to people 30 years ago. When others had made those same slights to me, I didn’t even give it a second thought.
I am very demanding on my subordinates, more demanding on my bosses and most demanding on myself. As a leader, you do not have the luxury of meeting standards; you set the standard.
“That gold should rust, what would iron do?” – Chaucer.
Then again, it’s one thing to judge yourself harshly, it’s another thing to hear it from someone else (especially if it’s somebody who is important to you).
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
That Is The Island Of Baka
From my days working in tourism in Hawaii. For context for those that don’t know Maui, you can see two different islands from multiple vantage points on the island. Anyway, we had stopped at a lookout for some tourists to take a picture and a guy being completely serious asks:
Tourist: “So which one is Japan?”
Me: “Japan is about three thousand miles to the northwest. If you can see it, you have superpowers, sir.”
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Dumb, Unbelievable, Irresponsible
I get a call from my boss during my day off.
Boss: “A temp just quit on the spot. I need you to come in and cover.”
Me: “No can do, I’m afraid. It’s my day off, and I’ve already had two whiskeys.”
Boss: “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”
Me: “I’m not going to get into my car to drive to the store.”
Boss: “If you’re coherent enough to have a conversation with me, then you’re okay to make the drive.”
Me: “So, you want me to risk a DUI to cover last-minute on my day off? Do you want to put that in writing for me so I can show it to Human Resources?”
Boss: “…”
Me: “That’s what I thought. See you Monday!” Click
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Save What, Boss? SAVE WHAT?
I work in a convenience store. My boss is in the back supervising a beer delivery and calls me over.
Boss: “Hey, [My Name], how much do you have in your bank account?”
Me: “Uh… why is that anyone’s business?”
Boss: “Accounting screwed up, and we’re $500 short for the beer delivery. Can I borrow $500?”
Me: “Don’t you do the accounting—”
Boss: “I just need to borrow $500.”
Me: “I’m on minimum wage, and I work twenty hours a week, dude.”
Boss: “What does that mean?”
Me: “That means I have about $22 in my account, and it rarely gets much higher than that.”
Boss: “You get $7.25 an hour!”
Me: “…which is minimum wage. What’s $7.25 multiplied by twenty?”
Boss: “Like, five hundred?”
I have done this many times and know it by memory.
Me: “It’s $145, dude. $145 for a week.”
Boss: “…oh.”
Me: “Yeah.”
My boss then turns away angrily but shouts back to me as he does:
Boss: “Well then, you should save more!”
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Kindness This Big Needs A Banana For Scale
I just visited a friend in Germany for almost a week. I took German in school, but that was over ten years ago, and I get no practice as I speak English with my friend. I understand a fair bit but when it comes to speaking, I’m very rusty, so I stick to saying simple things like “yes”, “no”, and “thank you.”
One day, before meeting my friend, I went to a chain grocery store to get a single banana to eat to tide me over before lunch. I instantly realised my mistake as it was late morning, and the store was full of seniors slowly pushing shopping carts around. No matter, I thought, I’m on vacation and I’ve got plenty of time.
So, with my banana in hand, I got in line behind an old couple. The woman clocked me and my one lonely fruit. She instantly alerted her husband and told him to move their cart to let me pass and waved me on ahead. I tried to politely refuse but they weren’t having it. They shepherded me ahead of them, insisting. I went ahead, smiled, and thanked them, almost embarrassed.
Then the next old person caught sight of me and also waved me past. And then the next!
I was almost at the front with only two people in front of me. The cashier made some kind of announcement. I couldn’t tell what she said because it was kind of garbled through the speakers and difficult for me to understand. I assumed she’d asked for assistance or something.
Then someone tapped me on the shoulder. I looked behind me and the couple who had initially let me pass waved me over to a different lane.
It turned out that a new lane had just been opened up and they now insisted that I be the first person to be checked out, ushering me ahead with the enthusiastic help of the other seniors in line, all of them acting like this was the most obvious and natural thing to do.
I thanked every single person I passed, smiling sheepishly but genuinely. I paid for my one banana and left, some faith in humanity restored.
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
They’re Doubling Down
Customer: “I’ll have a Grey Goose and vodka.”
Me: “Sir, Grey Goose is vodka, would you care to mix it with something, or would you like a double neat or on the rocks?”
Customer: “No, I want a grey goose and vodka.”
I take a bottle of Grey Goose out and show him a standard pour.
Me: “There’s a Grey Goose.”
I pour again to make it a double.
Me: “And there’s the vodka.”
The customer takes the double and shoots it down in one. His face is a picture.
Customer: “Oh my god! That’s gross! People order this?”
Me: “In fact, you’re the very first person to order it like that.”
Customer: “I’m not surprised!”
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Just Another Fae In Retail
I’m waiting on a refund at the customer service desk for a large department store. While the employee is diligently typing up what they need to on their computer, I see an interesting list on a whiteboard at the back. The door is open so I don’t think I am supposed to be able to read it, but I do anyway:
White Board: “Today’s topic: Why the rules for dealing with customers are exactly the same as for dealing with the Fae:”
With a title like that how could I not continue?! The rules were:
*Never reveal your full name.
*Accept nothing they offer to you.
*Never verbally agree or disagree with anything they might happen to say.
*To apologize is to acknowledge a debt owed.
*Under no circumstances are you ever to thank them.
I giggle to myself as the employee processes my refund. As he does so, another customer starts shouting at another employee at the desk.
Customer: “Why can’t you process my refund!?”
Employee: “Our return period is thirty days.”
Customer: “Where does it say that?”
Employee: “Right here on your receipt.”
The customer acknowledges this but continues to scream and shout. The customer then storms off muttering to themselves. I see this employee sigh, walk into the back, and add a new item to the list:
*Remember that they are incapable of reading signs in human languages.
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
A Slap On The Face Gets You A Slap On The Wrist
We have a customer who is made up of 100% pure a**hole atoms. I cannot think of one redeeming quality about him. He’s not just rude, but he likes to go out of his way to insult or demean our staff, especially the women for some reason. Before you ask, we’ve tried to get him banned but the corporate response so far has been the equivalent of “suck it up, buttercup.”
We have a new starter, a young woman in her late teens. Recognizing fresh meat, this customer makes her his target.
Customer: “You, girl. Are you yet another high school dropout or are you qualified to ring up my items?”
New Hire: “I can ring them up just fine. Also, I’m a woman, not a girl.”
Customer: “No need to get your panties in a twist. You look like a child; don’t start acting like one.”
I can see the new hire is at first a bit shocked by this customer. I am trying to finish up with my customer ASAP and run over to assist, as it looks like the new hire’s eyes have welled up a little, but then she gets her resolve back.
New Hire: “Will that be all?”
Customer: “Oh my god, are you gonna cry? Are you seriously fighting back tears right now? Does your generation have no self-control?”
New Hire: “The fact that you haven’t been slapped in the face yet means I have plenty of self-control.”
Customer: “Where’s your manager?! You just threatened physical violence!”
New Hire: “No, I simply stated the strength of my self-control.”
The customer calls over the manager (who he knows by sight at this point) and makes his complaint.
Manager: “Did she slap you in the face?”
Customer: “No but she said she wanted to!”
Manager: “I see.”
Customer: “So what are you going to do about it!”
Manager: “Advise you to stop making everyone want to slap your face.”
(Contd)
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Gouda Tidings
We have this woman who comes in to get her kid a cheeseburger literally seven days a week, every week, at the exact same time.
It is Christmas Eve, and she is in buying the cheeseburger as normal. She has noted that we are closed tomorrow.
Customer: “Can I buy the raw ingredients for the cheeseburger so I can make the burger on my own tomorrow?”
Me: “I… uh… I’m not sure. Let me ask my manager.”
I ask and my manager comes up to the counter.
Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but while we could probably give you the bun and the cheese, we have strict rules on giving out cheese and uncooked meat separate from our meals for health reasons.”
Customer: “I see.”
She looks over at her son, who is patiently waiting near the store entrance. Over the months, we’ve begun to theorize that he’s neurodivergent in some way.
Me: “Ma’am, is the cheeseburger part of his routine?”
Customer: Realizing what I am asking “Yes! He has trouble when his routine is interrupted. I was hoping I might be able to do something about it, but I totally understand why you can’t help.”
Manager: “Well, the rules simply state that we’re unable to sell you the raw ingredients, but there’s nothing stopping you from being… uh… ‘gifted’ them.”
Customer: “Oh… Wait, really?”
My manager goes into the back and comes out with a non-store-brand paper bag, with some items individually wrapped inside Ziplocs inside it.
Manager: “Nothing illegal about a Christmas gift.”
Customer: “Oh, thank you so much! Tomorrow is going to be so much easier thanks to this!”
Manager: “You’re very welcome! See you on the twenty-sixth!”
Technically, my manager created a liability by doing that, even if there was no evidence of a sale, but he took the risk out of kindness, and to this day that woman remains a daily happy customer, son included.
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
If You Don’t Like Poetry We Don’t Mean To Offend, But This Story Rhymes From Beginning To End
’Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the city, the lazy-a**es shop, and the scene isn’t pretty. I’m out with my workers, right in the thick of it, and every last one of us is desperate to be rid of it. Buying people gifts? Preparing for a party? You could’ve done this last month, don’t blame us if you’re tardy! Neglect on your part is not urgency on mine; we’ve shut down way too many jerks with just a handful of lines.
And then, from the front door, there arises such a clatter; a man barges through the crowd as if no one else matters.
Customer: “Where are your turkeys!?”
His voice did then boom, and I’d NEVER seen a Christmas crowd quiet so soon. Men, women, and children all stare at this man, who glares with the confidence that only the ignorant can.
Me: “We… don’t have turkey.”
Customer: “The f*** is wrong with you?”
Yes, the lack of turkey is the fault of the venue.
Me: “This is a games shop.”
And laughter did roar at the man who asked for meat at a video game store. His face turned bright crimson as he hollered me down:
Customer: “No one has turkey in this g**d***ed town!
Me: “Why don’t you look at a place that sells food?”
Customer: “Get me your manager!
And this brightened my mood.
Me: “I AM the manager, and the owner what’s more. Either buy what we have, or get out of my store.”
The man stormed out, yelling threats about calls. (Joke’s on you, bub; there’s no corporate at all!) Grins and chuckles did spread all around as my workers and I went back to dealing with the crowd.
In the years I’ve owned this place, I’ve met many a jerk, but never before one who looked for turkey at my place of work.
quonk999 about 2 months ago
In response to the comic - So true!
FreyjaRN Premium Member about 2 months ago
Very true. It’s hard to still your inner critic.
PraiseofFolly about 2 months ago
Oh, really? Then, that must be a penitent’s ‘hairshirt’ (sackcloth) Aunty is wearing.
ladykat Premium Member about 2 months ago
Truth!
rodney about 2 months ago
I completely agree. I agonize over slights I made to people 30 years ago. When others had made those same slights to me, I didn’t even give it a second thought.
rockyridge1977 about 2 months ago
Be careful with yourself!!!!!!
dflak about 2 months ago
I am very demanding on my subordinates, more demanding on my bosses and most demanding on myself. As a leader, you do not have the luxury of meeting standards; you set the standard.
“That gold should rust, what would iron do?” – Chaucer.
Doug K about 2 months ago
Then again, it’s one thing to judge yourself harshly, it’s another thing to hear it from someone else (especially if it’s somebody who is important to you).
Smeagol about 2 months ago
I find people who are quick to judge others are poor judges of themselves… whited Sepulchers.
cuzinron47 about 2 months ago
Not judging, just laughing.
Drgnslr Premium Member about 2 months ago
Is it judgement or judgment?
walstib Premium Member about 2 months ago
Aunty needs a dose of Stuart Smalley:
“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”
Rabbit Brown 2105-30 P coat about 2 months ago
I’ll reserve and utilize judgment rather than advocate use of judgement.
Sambora1 about 2 months ago
I totally agree, I am my own worst enemy when it comes to things like this.
Aimless Melissa about 2 months ago
Same as me.