Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for January 19, 2025

This crap again? I guess 2 weeks of Cranky made me foolishly think Tom had stopped the garbage infestation and gone back to basics.

Just in case anyone was wondering why the Centerville Sentinel’s first iteration sank and was bought by a hedge fund that folded it…

Where’s Crankshaft?

I really thought this strip was going be Ed again, but NO! It’s Tom’s most beloved characters, Random Blond Girl and One-Armed Who Even Cares Guy!

GOSH, Tom! Please tell me which page her “essay” is on! Is it…THE FIRST PAGE? Sorry, I missed the page number three times. What’s her essay about? The Burnings? Lena’s brownies aren’t good? Bus driver shortage? Hey Tom—NO ONE CARES. Because YOU don’t care. Tom hates Ed but loves his own avatars, and that’s all it is now. Ooh, do you think these lovebirds will get their own booksignings?

I praise Tom’s first new character in years, Randomly Teleporting Dewey Decimal System Cabinet! And his friend, Your Grandmother’s Sewing Supplies Cabinet! Two unspeaking blocks of inanimate furniture, and thus more interesting than the alleged humans. (SPOILER: Her essay’s on the front page!)

PTA bake sale created WWIII.

Just so long as your reader(s) still get their used car ads, wire service “happy news”, and month-old “Argyle Sweater” cartoon.

To be fair, WW III would probably kill fewer people than what passes for baking in Centerville.

Its called publishing!

Not Catering to the PTA Bakesale will put his head on a Platter !

Nice handiwork

I’m surprised Batty missed the obvious joke of the fact that the “paper” is only one sheet. So, of course, everything is on the front page.

WW III and the bake sale will be announced in the same story, headlined EXTRA!! EVERYONE PARTICIPATES IN TOWN-WIDE BAKE SALE!

Dat ole boy has got his priories straight!!!!!

Number one rule of newspaper publishing: if it bleeds, it leads

Skippy’s corollary: if it’s local, it leads

From which we can only conclude that Centerville’s local news is a bloodbath. Probably caused by Ed’s driving.

Were we ever told what Randumb Blonde Girl’s essay was about?

I figure it’s a critical analysis of all the AtomiKKK KomiXXX storylines—another thing Batty’s never shown us.

Where’s CRANKY!!!!

Being on the front page doesn’t mean that much when the paper’s only a 2-sided sheet…

I guess Ed didn’t destroy any property, burn anything down, abandon kids out in the cold trying to catch the bus, etc. So it’s what’s-her-face’s high school or college (depending how old she is this week) English assignment passing for news today.

At least they are still in Centerville and not over you know where.

Reminds me of our hometown paper, that I got weekly by mail for years. A friend saw it on the coffee table. She couldn’t believe the obituaries were on the front page!

It’s the way community newspapers survive. Featuring content that the big papers won’t have.

The splash panel, featuring the Centerville Historical Society building, frames the rest of the strip in an interesting way. I’ve been to “historical” things where they have a 150-year-old flour mill, people dressed up in period costumes grinding grain in it, and selling little bags of “authentic” historical flour at four or five times the price of King Arthur flour at the store. I kinda see the Centerville Sentinel as the same sort of thing—more a “living history” exhibit than an actual paper.

I just question whether anyone’s told Skippy.