Gil Thorp by Henry Barajas and Rachel Merrill for August 19, 2021

Well, there’s a mercifully brief story line. On to football! (Please?)

P3: Do Moose and Rocco have the day off?

I’m sure he will stick around and send them the check….if you can’t trust a golf hustler, then who?

P2: And you have bad breath too!

P2: Milton Berle tribute: “Yeah, but I…”

Do they think he keeps itemized records of his hustling earnings?

People with squinty eyes are always guilty!

Finally Gil is useful.

“Pay or we’ll prosecute”. Has “Prez” now crossed over into blackmail? Remember, he’s already running a “Calcutta betting pool”. P4: Enforcers slam Car’s head into car hood.

In God we trust, all others pay cash

Wait three days for a check? Cart has to be laughing his a$$ off to himself as he thinks, “I’ll write ‘em a check and by the time it bounces I will have a new identity, a new town and a whole bunch of new suckers to prey on at the club

In all reality , as Gil escorts Carter out, shots ring out missing Carter but hitting Gil. As Carter speeds away escaping, a hasty hiring decesion is made by Dr Pearl . Heather is named Head Football Coach .

Ah, the option that wasn’t apparent. Turned state’s evidence and pled guilty for a reduced sentence. Neither convicted nor acquitted. Still not apparent why he needed the name change. Or how he got job with no résumé. And is hustling illegal? If betting is illegal in the club rules then the chumps are as guilty as Hendry.

“We’re pressing charges”. Cut to the DA’s office in Central City. “Which of these complaints to prosecute next? Murder? Rape, extortion? Nah. Aha! here’s one, golf hustling at the Milford Country Club! Win this one and it will be a great step up the ladder for me”

Cartman’s anatomy has been exploding this week. Eyes, ears, mouth. Melting face and bobblehead. New individual records in The Valley. Club Prez wants a check in 3 days? For what and paid to whom? What’s hard line Prez gonna do if he doesn’t have remittance in 3 days, apply interest? Blow outta town Cartman. These simpletons are giving you a head start.

Cool. A check signed by the Wolf of Wall Street.

Well, at least the red shirts were consistent all week. At least until P3 when Cartman turned off the lights to aid his quick getaway.

And all because he bought cheap golf balls.

Well so much for that reporting job. “What do you mean you had a big scoop and you didn’t come to us first?”

Keep Heather around. She can cut the plodding basketball storylines down to two months as well and maybe we can get a hockey storyline in this upcoming winter.

They’ll get a check, all right, but it will be signed Bernie Madoff.

Wow. So much for paying your debt to society. And didn’t they do a background check before giving him a membership? Also, good luck getting sympathy from the police when they find out you allow gambling at your club. Nobody got hustled who didn’t have it coming.

I will gladly help him find a jail cell.

I’m just glad this story wrapped up quick

P4: Gil and his goons give Cartman the Fast Eddie Felson treatment, making sure his golf grip is never the same again.

In all reality, Cart slips, falls, and gets injured while being ‘helped’ to find his car…hires Baxendale & Baxendale to sue the club, Gil, Heather, and the ‘prez’ for negligence and for assault, pain; suffering; etc. etc. Big settlement forces the club into receivership. Club is forced to increase dues to cover this; Members are incensed that this has happened, although they do all receive a check for $25.76 after Cart’s reimbursement funds are divided among the membership.

A check? No no no. That’ll be Cash on the Barrelhead son.

“You can’t be serious! This isn’t an actual MCC Board meeting. This whole ‘proceeding’ is a joke! Just look at that Thorp guy – he’s wearing shorts!”

Gee, I bet Heather liked P-2. Now, she can’t file the story because Ward Bond promised not to file charges. If she goes public, the DA makes that call. So, all that great investigative work goes the same way as Milford Sports. There’s no reward for Second in the Valley. I guess, Hospital PR is it.

P-1: Carter does his famous Karaoke version of “I did items way”.

P-2: In a tribute to Dirty Harry, Ward Bond quips: “Your mouth wash ain’t cutting it.”

P-3: Drunk on his own ego, Carter can’t remember where he parked.

Damn…I’m gonna kind of miss Cart…plus I don’t get to see the tournament and the calcutta betting….

Venmo me the money or you have to stick around for the football season arc

P1, Heather seems to be enjoying this just a little too much.

P2, I wouldn’t wait up for that check, dude.

P3, Well, for anyone who had “All the shirts change to the same color” in the pool, we have a winner.

P 1.5: “…what is this? another library board meeting?…where’s the pie?…”

If gambling on golf is illegal in Milford, Carter is no more guilty than anyone he suckered.

Book ’em all, Danno.

I hope Double-D is reading this and takin’ notes on how to be the most awesome investigative reporter she can, just like Heather

Oooh is it possible that Heather will realize she was meant to be a reporter and take the Star job, turning down the offer to provide more free labor for Gil?!?

Wow, we’re already up to 80 comments. Another 100+ day!

I like the Exploding Mouth Syndrome today. Cart-man has had almost every part of his head explode this week. Tomorrow, maybe Exploding Nose Syndrome?

Curious about the President’s threat to file charges for “every dollar hustled”. What exactly will the charge be? Misleading your betting opponent as to how talented your golf game is? Pretty sure the police will just laugh and hang up on him.

And speaking of hang ups, one good hang up to have is to be addicted to Mopped Up Thorp – https://moppedupthorp.wordpress.com/

So tomorrow, or the next day, Heather talks to the Star editor, who heard about her takedown of the big bad golf hustler. “This is just the type of hard hitting go-getter this paper is lacking. You’ve got a job!” The question is, does Heather take it? Probably, because then she can also coach since the Star will readily agree to her only working until 3pm. Then we get Heather at least occasionally during football season, until she decides to leave Milford at the end of the season. Offer from a bigger paper?

No sooner does Brenda/Heather get hired at the Milford Star, Marjie Acey Ducey gets the ax, which leads to her retaining the Notorious HVB to represent her in a multi-million dollar sexual harassment lawsuit against GilPa. Now that’s a story arc for the fall season we could all get behind.

For the fall, I heard they were going to cast Jimmy Durante as a Nose Tackle