Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for February 28, 2019

Moses and the Ten Commandments —

Coulda gone with “thou shalt not rape”

Coulda gone with “thou shalt not kidnap”

Coulda gone with “thou shalt not exploit workers or customers in business”

Coulda gone with “thou shalt not torture”

Coulda gone with “thou shalt not be a dictator”

.

Instead, went with “Thou shalt not COVET” (clearly staking out his position in firm opposition to the whole foundation of capitalism)

Things haven’t changed much, if Moses came down from the mountain today, he’d find the “Chosen” worshiping the “Golden Calf” incarnate… tweeting his commandments

I bet it was hard to find a charging port in the Sinai 3000 years ago (or however long ago it was).

Take these tablets and text me in the morning.

Windows AND Mac OS?

Why shouldn’t Moses have tablets? In the Garden of Eden they had an Apple…

Wrong tablets, Mo.

If we could get regular updates, it would be easier to run a government. What would Jesus set tax rates at?

1. Thou shall not let thy battery run dead.

2. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s latest iPhone model.

3. Thou shall not download questionable apps from uncertified sites.

4. There is only one God …. Google.

5. See law #5. Then do it again.

6. Thou shall not steal………….. from the local Apple store as a flash mob.

7. ( your turn)……

The current tablets aren’t any better

They were already obsolete by the time he got down the mountain.

those boards have been continually erased and ‘revised’ by whomever was in charge since that day.

Yeah, but we go through an iPad every couple of years, thus keeping Apple in business, but stone lasts for ages. Until it gets locked up in a gigantic Government warehouse somewhere in Kansas.

Here we go again.

Don’cha hate it when you’re in the mountains and you have no service….

I can see it now… “Raiders of the Lost Genius Bar”

Actually, I love it when I’m in the mountains and have no service!

That’s one way to keep the masses compliant.

yeah, no one would ever accept the notches

Looks like Moses was a time traveler. And a really tiny person.

The New Yorker had a great cartoon of Moses in last week’s issue: Same stance, Moses holding the tablets, looking up at the heavens, and saying, “So. . .this is all about what YOU want?”

The joke here is that Moses is holding up two blank tablets with nothing written on them. The bigger joke is that all the comments so far have used that image to preach little sermons. Also, it appears the real punchline is that he’s holding up two modern “tablets”, hence the joke about him being ahead of his time.

The stone ones, Moses. You wanted the stone ones. The stone ones.

He didn’t smash ‘em. He dropped ‘em!

" These beautiful Tablets will be available, on sale at Issac’s EyeStore for only 99.95 shekels each."

Starting over with a clean slate, or two. Maybe not a bad idea.

Thou shalt not covet the next generation of iPads.

I tried, honestly I did, to read all of the comments… Nowhere did I see anyone add that commandment about not owning humans as property… I’m certain he meant to include it, how could a loving god allow, or even endorse and set out the rules for, slavery? What? It’s okay to own people? To buy and sell them? Who’d’a thunk it?

Moses supposes we all have smart phoneses……..

Do unto others before they do unto you.

Speaking of “getting ahead of things”, wouldn’t you expect that an omniscient being could’ve shared some kind of useful information that the people of that era didn’t already know, such as how to make soap?

Could have gone with “ have you considered moving to Venezuela “ no capitalism there

Bet he got hella few bars out there in the desert.

Were the Lord’s commandments written in JavaScript or C++?

That’s behind because you know, they’ve already been replaced by a later model.

But Eve had the FIRST apple!

Jesus responded by saying the greatest commandment was “And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30-31)

Actually there were 15 Commandments, but Moses tripped on the way down the mountain and dropped the third tablet, which was shattered beyond repair.

we’re supposed to leave comments not manifestos

Must have gotten the commandments from Mueller – they’re redacted.