That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for December 06, 2022

/// These three claim they can’t be photographed,

so they opt for the oil painter’s craft.

Dressed in clothes staid and formal,

they attempt to look normal.

Leopold said the three never laughed.

/// This took four years to paint, and it’s wild;

they don’t age and the girl’s still a child.

They’d pose only at night

with no mirrors in sight.

Leo’s sure they’d have fangs if they smiled.

He knew Eunice would blame their daughter, but that was definitely mother who farted’

The Lössl family were a happy bunch unless they had to spend time together.

Maybe they will let their son out of the basement for next year’s portrait.

And the cream of the joke is, they actually paid for this and hung it up in their house!

The Toldyouso’s brought their daughter Karen in to complain.

So How Did You Find This so-called artist.

Five years later, he finally sobers up, and realizes she’s definitely not the looker he thought.

Not hard to do when you’re married…

What a nice Victorian-era family portrait. But does something sinister lurk beneath those pleasant smiles? Hmm?

This reminds me of the horror-fiction short story by Bob Leman, “Window.”

From Wikipedia:

“A researcher seeking to merge science and magic opens a ‘window’ which reveals what seems to be a tranquil Victorian home and family. The viewpoint characters can see through the ‘window’ to the family, but the family can’t see them.

“Yearning for the apparently idyllic life seen through the portal, a man crosses to the other dimension but is immediately killed and eaten by the family. The family performs a ritual, closing the portal, and all disappear. However, the dead man’s bones come out of thin air where the portal had been.

“The viewpoint characters realize that the man-eating family have found a ‘window’ into their world and are now watching them.”

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Window_(short_story)

Don’t stare for too long a time at this picture!

He gave her the look. Eunice always hated Tuesdays. After the portrait, she would have to dress up as the ‘naughty school girl’ and Mortimer would be the principal.

Little Abigail hated that she would have to hear it again on a school night.

The portrait studio prided itself on its one week development time.

Gentlemen, you see before you a man barely holding on to reality. This portrait designed only to portray a loving wife and daughter with a caring husband…..but I am not that man. I’m at that point in my life where I’m asking how did I end up here in this beautiful house, with a beautiful wife and daughter? And you may ask yourself, “Well, how did I get here?” Truth be known I was in my second year of college and we had a keg party in my dorm…..now look what I’m stuck with!

The Meh Family Portrait

Well, the Husband is certainly vaguely disappointed that he can’t see down the front of his wife’s dress.

The family that hums together…..I forget how the rest of that goes.

Guess whose husband and daddy invested the family fortune in FTX bitcoins?

By the tenth sitting little Erin was very tired of sitting for a portrait with all of her mother’s lovers trying to find the right one for a Christmas card.

Okay – so she isn’t a beauty/

But she’s doing her motherly duty/

Her face isn’t great/

But she’s not overweight/

And you haven’t seen her booty…

Mummy? Who is that man and why is he trying to push the lace off your shoulder?

A bit of interesting information about Leopold and his family, from Wikipedia:

“…His brother was the theatrical director Joseph Kupelwieser, who wrote the libretto for Schubert’s opera Fierrabras. With his brother, Joseph, he was a member of the “Schubertiener” (friends of Franz Schubert), a group that often got together for summers at the Schloss Atzenbrugg, west of Vienna. In 1826, Leopold married Maria Johanna Evangelista Augustina Stephania Theodora Lutz, an occasion which was marked by Schubert’s composition, the “Kupelwieser Waltz” (never written down, but passed along by the family and later transcribed by Richard Strauss)…”

Wikipedia article:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leopold_Kupelwieser

Kupelwieser Waltz:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn_9IR7jmlw

“And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful wife”.

Even though their heads bent in the same direction, Lenny was not sure the child was his.

The expression of a man who’s just realized that, while both his and his wife’s hair are brown, his daughter is blonde….

The Ratherby’s. Dad:“I’d rather be golfing.” Mom:" I’d rather be shopping." Kid:" I’d rather be playing."

I think that bratwurst has turned. Or maybe the sauerkraut.

Doom, gloom and groom.

The Lössl Family: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Paintings by Leopold Kupelwieser" site=commons.wikimedia.org 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, DuckDuckGo, Ecosia, and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found, and once there find the text string Lössl, and click its link for info and links that point to more info (best viewed using Google Chrome which can automatically translate most webpages as necessary) about this painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #3039 (December 6, 2022) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to info about this artist I used to point to here. First work by this artist used here.

Faith and hope had both faired well in life, but Charity had a bone to pick with Theos.

Anthony had a choice, either the young one or the older one, he guessed that he could wait until young one turned 12. the older one wasn’t schooled in the art of massage.

The husband is thinking, “What the heck is my wife wearing on her head?”

We will just have to find a way to deal with people who realize we could only afford 1/2 of a curtain for our portrait.

/// On each hand Father wears a large ring.

His wife’s necklace belonged to a King.

And their most precious jewel

is their child, but it’s cruel

that the two of them named the girl “Bling.”

Pour demain: “What’s a nice …”

Husband: Isn’t it past her bedtime? Wife: Remember…anticipation!