Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 16, 2018

Try relaxing while driving in NYC.

Actually, driving is one of the things that gives me stress & anger.

Just contemplate the sound of one middle finger pointing.

There was a time when I used to go for a drive to relax….about 1969.

Tailgating and honking on the road. It’s all the rage.

Tailgating and honking the horn won’t relieve your stress if you happen to be tailgating me at the time. I have been known to slow down to 10 mph below the posted speed limit when people do that. I’m never in so much of a hurry that I mind driving that slowly. You’ll either back off and I’ll speed back up, or you’ll decide to go around me and I’ll speed back up, or you’ll keep tailgating me and deal with it. At least then you’ll have a reason to be annoyed back there.

As they say in Florida, “I’ve got airbags, and I’m not afraid to use them!”

I never knew road rage was a spiritual and relaxing way to get rid of stress and anger.

Rush Hour Problem solved: Always brandish your empty over the shoulder pistol Holster!

Every morning before I leave for work I promise myself that I won’t call another driver a stupid !&#$?%. And every day I break my promise, because there are so many stupid !&#$?%s on the road.

I have to use cruise control on highway or I find myself doing 40MPH. I have no idea what the hurry is. I am a weirdo who leaves earlier.

Driving in traffic is the opposite of meditation, at least for me.

I love the smell of gasoline in the morning.

Ironically, that would make me more stressed. I don’t like confrontation or feeling aggressive.

Welp, me, I like to travel on various backroads [incl. along A1A on the coast] with the windows down, hair blown by the wind, listening to my fave tunes. THAT does the trick for me, at least (esp. in the roads are empty, which for my secret routes they usually are).

People who make turns w/o using their turn signals.

I have a 50-mile commute on mostly secondary highway that is not too busy and actually relaxing. The last, say, ten miles are in heavier, building to stop-and-go, traffic. This is central/eastern CT, and the long-time commuters are relaxed and leave room to merge. I travel at my speed (~67-68) and notice that at the beginning of my commute guys that I pass, or that pass me, meet again at the congestion. It Just Doesn’t Matter. The jerks that cut, or use the slow lane on the hills to pass, will get their karma in the end: it’s not worth ruining the day over. Now, I’m originally from North Jersey, and have driven in Fairfield County CT (SW corner), and these comments do not apply there. They are a bit more aggressive: the city is between them and that seems to turn up the testosterone.

That would be Transcendental Automation.

No, no, no. Tailgate and honk the horn while simultaneously texting your hairdresser’s second cousin and streaming video of that slowpoke in front of you. That’s how it’s done.

So they live in Florida!

I believe it’s called ‘’Trans-Am’’ mental meditation

Rat’s doctor should prescribe him some transcendental medication.

First time I read this I thought Rat said “That’s what drinking is for”. Fits his personality just as well.

Just gonna leave this here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWPCE2tTLZQ

I try to assume that a**hole drivers are acting that way because (a) they just heard that their child was in a horrible accident, and they need to get somewhere faster than I do, or (b) they are simply a**holes, and therefore I should let them get as far away from me as possible, as soon as possible.

Most places, I have been, the driver, whose car rear-ends a car in front, is always charged as the one at fault. This is so, even if the driver of the car up front slams his brakes. As a driver of the car in back, you are supposed to maintain a safe following distance, so you can avoid any sudden “physical happenings.” Live with this and you can live longer.

Nope, nope, nope! Driving is not an ATM (Anger Management Therapy)! It is an invitation to retaliation, Road Rage, and inter-vehicular shootings!

Meditating is both cheaper and safer, Pig!

Driving is a great way to relax and unwind when you’re going down a scenic country road with little traffic listening to your favorite music :) In the city stuck in traffic however, no, definitely not.

I’m with JRowell!

Actually, this explains a lot.

Ironically, the person being honked at would be more stressed.

Better be careful! You never know when the person you’re tailgating is armed and has an anger management issue.