Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 17, 2019

Life can SCREW you in so many different ways.

Vaguely reminiscent of when Dilbert created a list of what he had that someone else didn’t. As Dogbert pointed out, “so far, you have remorse, envy, and the list itself”

Screwed again.

“DREAM” of getting the right screw next time.

“HOPE” it does the job.

how complicating

As they say, life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.

That sort of day is a little too familiar!

Home Depot is from Timmy Failure Steve

Next time, write down what kind of screw you need instead of making lists that don’t seem to help you.

When I make a “to-do list”, I often forget to look at it. Putting “look at to-do list” on the list doesn’t seem to help.

The True Pearls fan knows this is a rerun.

Plan your work …. Work your plan … Croc Power !

Any which way, you’re screwed, Pig!

Pig, you screwed up again, but that’s what happens when you have a screw loose.

“Why does life keep interfering with life?” is brilliant.

“The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s ‘own’, or ‘real’ life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life." – C. S. Lewis

Life is life… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pATX-lV0VFk

Plumbing. Plumbing always takes six trips to the DIY store.

One time while I was walking through the main office to the mail room, I found a few screws on the floor. Picking them up I observed that one could always use a few extra screws. A nearby secretary, a rather observant religious woman, looked at me with a beet red face and asked if I wasn’t getting enough at home. She later told me, “Embarrassing? Yes. But I couldn’t resist that open line.”

That’s how it goes!

Every do it yourself project requires at least three trips to Home Depot. One to get the wrong part, one to exchange the wrong part for the right part, and one to get the part you forgot the first time.

Am I the rare male who likes to shop? Everything from Saks to local thrift stores. I don’t go nuts, I just enjoy shopping. There are times I will run in for one or two items and actually buy only those items! Being retired helps. Plenty of time.

I’m suddenly getting a bunch of Home Depot ads!

So it isn’t so easy that we don’t have to work on it constantly.

Measure twice, cut once, say “Oh F**k!” three times and go back to the Home Depot.

That was my life yesterday, but it was plumbing, not screws.

I have a screw loose.

Reminds me of the days of paper gift certificates. You get a $50 gift certificate for Home Depot. But you don’t want anything from Home Depot, so you buy a three cent screw and get $49.97 in change. Then you go to the customer service desk and return the screw for three cents. Stores caught on to this and have started to issue gift debit cards instead.

Life, the screwdriver.

“We’re all damaged in our own way. Nobody’s perfect. I think we are all somewhat screwy, every single one of us.”

— Johnny Depp

I have done the exact same thing, gone to Home Depot, bought the wrong screw, and had to go back!

Have you ever tried to find just the right screw at Home Deposit? They have about 30 or 40 feet of screws in bins about 6 feet high and they never have exactly the screws I want in the quantity I want. OTOH, if I go to my friendly (yes, they are) local hardware store, they have half as much shelf space and 5 times as many different screws. At a slightly highre price… if you could have found a box of #6 star-drive pan-head machine screws 5/8 inch long at HD in the first place.

Bottom line: Big box stores sell relatively few items and have a lot of each of them for sale whereas my local hardware store sells a lot of items and has only relatively few of each of them for sale.

Pig seizes Life. Life seizes Pig. Pig is screwed, Rat chirps.

That’s Life in the PBS lane, folks!

I love Pig, the optimistic dreamer; but always colliding with the pessimistic realist Rat. I suppose Pig and Rat are in each of our minds and although I relate more to Pig, I always encounter Rat.(sigh). Let me go back under the blanket of happiness.