Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 26, 2020

IMO, wives tend to have embedded spousal tracking devices… They just know where u r and what u r up to.

Is this bar next door to some woods so Smokey can tell his wife that he was busy doing something in the woods?

Mine does the same thing with my phone. Ain’t technology wonderful?

Smokey takes a step outside. With a bit of careful placement, he uses his shovel to slice the Tracking Collar off. With the skills gained from quickly putting out fires… he flings the device into the back of a truck to looks to be aiming out of town. With a deep throated snicker… he goes back into the bar and finishes his drink. Pondering – if Bar Peanuts are snacks to encourage more drinking… is the two guys at the end of the bar Snacks to Smokey??? (Smirk!)

Had to run a bear off from some partiers in Yosemite because he was drinking all their beer, one can at a time, bite, tilt, drink. Three cases gone when I pushed him in the river. (He did just fine.) No, I didn’t offer to replace the beer.

Ah! A new definition for the term ‘animal husbandry’. Sort of…

I keep telling you to leave it with the camp fire!

Smokey can tell us that we can prevent forest fires, but he can’t tell us we can prevent him from being in the hot seat.

He knows he’s in trouble when she starts using his middle name during the “discussion”. “The”.

I hear there’s something like that for humans. I think it’s called a “smartphone.”

There’s a bar in Lyons, Illinois, or at least there used to be, called: He’s Not Here :D

OK, my mother didn’t need a tracking collar with my stepfather. She called the bar on her cellphone, the bartender told her ‘he just left,’ hung up, and walked into the bar. Yup, he learned to never lie to my mother, ever. :-) BTW, they are still happily married 30 years later.

This is almost too much for a bear to bear.

Ah, yes. The benevolent tyranny of marriage. It’s a close contact sport

Only she can put out Smokey’s fire!

He should stop with the shots and beers which require the “chaser.”

His wife is no teetotaler. She frequents another bar in town, called The Big Dipper – it’s ‘er sign.

So THAT’S why the other Wiley bears always look so happy… they’re SINGLE!!!

Now, if he was a Wiley bear …

Im not so sure that is a bad idea. I know it is intrusive and all that, but knowing where he is means she knows where he is not. When her ‘friends’ swear they saw him out at the Antelope Gentlemen’s club stuffing dollars at a doe, she will know.

OH. MY GAWD. Smokey drinks?!? Another childhood hero dies. . .

Yeah, it’s called a cellphone.

That wives tend to have embedded spousal tracking devices is a common myth that they would have us to believe but it’s not so they don’t know zip

My last name is Baer, pronounced like bear, and I was a park ranger in Yosemite for a couple of years. Got really, really tired of Smokey the bear questions.

Smarter than the av-er-age bear?

Every time his wife gets hot he hits her with a shovel.

Shovel off,to Buffalo ;)

Just ’dousing a fire…beer me!

These days you don’t need a tracking collar. Make sure she does not have your cellphone location included in the pre-nuptial agreement.

“Has anybody here seen Mah Sweet Thang?” – Loretta Lynn

Wonderful.

I hate it when that happens!