Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for July 19, 2021

(YES) “So you have chosen death…”

Noooo don’t do it! It’s a trap!

Is this an automated system? That could be useful.

The correct answer is “No!”

Maybe.

If yes…

Have you found the hidden webcam?

From the following list of ten thousand names, indicate the ones you will vainly attempt to block.

“I’ll stop leaving it up if you stop leaving it down.”

I have been tempted at times to leave it up especially at night.

My wife is a big girl. She’s learned to check to see if it is up, just like I do before using the toilet. Both of us have figured out how to move it to the appropriate position for what we need to do. I think both of us had figured out this complicated process when we were toddlers.

um… what?

What’s the big deal with the toilet seat? If men can put it up, why can’t women put it down?

Or you could have one above the toilet saying “have you checked the seat position?”

My wife and I have separate bathrooms, so the answer is a hardy “Yes”!

“Please return the seat to the Non-upright position”

The app was developed by a woman. (Hope she gets rich from it.)

My recently deceased wife and I “always” put the lid down because we have “always” had cats and the first one “fell” in and after that never up again UNTIL MIL who has dementia moved in with us and "couldn’t remember to lift the lid.

Put the seat down and if you’re really considerate you will wash the pee-spray off the walls behind/beside the toilet too.

“Before you leave, would you be willing to take a short poll about your visit to the toilet?”

Look before you leap.

Put the seat down.(considerate) Close the lid. (sanitation) Flush. And flip that paper roll the other way!

Amen, Yakety! Not sure why women seem to think it’s okay to leave the lid up. Obviously they’ve never read Dave Barry’s comical column on that particular topic.

If it is important to you that the seat be in one position or another you should check it first.

I hadn’t thought about it, but since you mentioned it, you ask yourself that question next time you use it.

I’ve used toilets where the seat won’t stay up and for a guy that’s a real annoyance. And it hurts too.

At least he’s washing his hands.

I always wondered why men have to lift the seat to whiz, but women can’t put it down to do their business. Any explanation???

I usually keep mine down.

A conservative organization decided to use wooden toilet seats (as opposed to the modern plastic ones) as their logo. But to say “Society for the Preservation of Wooden Toilet Seats” became too cumbersome, so they renamed their organization “The Birch John Society”.

There are toilet seats that go down if they’re left up too long . (A Woman’s dream!)

35 years ago my wife and I came to a consensus. The person about to use the toilet will configure it to their personal requirements at the time of use. She claims that I’m the best thing that ever happened to her. She’s a keeper too.