FoxTrot Classics by Bill Amend for September 24, 2021

Let me guess: Roger didn’t want to not finish reading the newspaper.

I normally use sneakers for that.

Kafka’s Metamorphosis is the book to use for smashing bugs.

I’ll bet the spider wasn’t expecting that.

Not my best work but it’s all I could think of.

Compelling case for contraception.

Let’s see the bright side. At least, she now knows that it exists, right? Small steps, Andy, small steps…

No comment!

I usually just pick them up and put them outside.

You should see the pile of books behind my house!

I’m glad for 2 things: 1) my younger daughter is good at catching & releasing spiders; and 2) she enjoys actually reading the books that I loan her. You don’t know how many of my favorites she’s read just in the last year!

Paige, you’re a real pip

Many years ago I lived in a slummy old apartment building. Once a month they would come through and spray for bugs. It didn’t kill them but it would slow them down. I’d get home from work and find my Chilton manuals on the floor where my wife had dropped them on roaches that had staggered under the door from the hall.

I liked the book better than the movie, at least I could smash bugs with it.

We had to study that in high school. One of the low points in the whole 4 years. Not recommended.

Sacrilege!

Now, use the book on her head.

In online chat, when I mentioned I had a spider indoors, someone replied I should welcome the spider, and be concerned about what I might have inside if not for the spider.

Reminds me of Mad TVs skits “Lowered Expectations”

Andy, Andy, Andy – letting read Cosmo at her age? Don’t you know its real title is Floozies’ Home Journal?

(Not that I have anything against floozies, you understand; I think they’re wonderful. But at 14? Maybe wait a couple years.)

Spiders are fascinating creatures with a lineage going back ±490 million years. They are masterpieces of evolution, awe-inspiring when you get to know them.

Doesn’t she know squishing spiders might make Them explode, so you’ll have to deal with a LOT more spiders.

How disrespectful to a book—especially one you don’t own. Especially a favorite of theirs. =(

The great expectation is that something is going to happen, but it never does.