Wizard of Id by Parker and Hart for January 08, 2022

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There’s going to be a revolution soon and the king’s gonna abdicate, isn’t it?

Gocomics has been asking us to take some kind of a survey too.

Would a 5 Star rating lead to better treatment?

Or would your treatment be worse? As in, if you really like it, you must “need” more torture.

That’s kinda’ like when the doctor asks you, “from one to ten, what is your pain level”? Well, zero to one is simple. But do I have to be writhing on the floor screaming hysterically for a ten?

I hate surveys.

I think that he has a cramp or two. He seems so stiff. He will need to walk around outside the castle to loosen up before he fills out any forms.

He must be new inmate here. He look chubby.

Take some time to think it over.

The guards seem to use the same review method as a certain bug treatment company I deal with. I gave them a negative review and now they seem to have cut off all ties with me. Maybe their only acceptable choices were 5 STARS and ASK ME LATER.

Ask me later…A LOT LATER!

are those thee only choices?

Huh! I wonder how you rate a torturer? I mean, there appears to be a market for them. What the heck does their resume look like? I’m pretty sure they must be on monster.com.

Its not only GC…it’s almost every company, with purchases, who sends emails asking for reviews!

I would give him a 5 stars, in the hope he will go away happy. However if mark “ask me again later” He will be obligated to torture you, till you are satisfied that he has achieved a 5 star torture rating. This is how all surveys work, they stay and torture you, until they get the top rating.

Wolfe just couldn’t get the ‘Severian is banished to HR’ subplot to work.

How can he fill out the form if both arms are strapped to the wall?

YouTube surveys, they aren’t just for YouTube anymore.

I give a low rating and then, in comments, state that everything was fine right up to the questionnaire.

Ask me later!

Way back when I saw an Iraqi voting ballot-

Box 1: Sadam HusseinBox 2: Torture me and kill my family

Check ask me later please……

Think I’d rate it high and hope for the best.

An “ask me later” option in the torture room?? Here’s to prison reform!!!

This should be pretty easy. Since his hands are secured, all the guard has to do is give him a pencil and then move the survey around to check off what he wants checked off.

The torture chamber itself is a bit too bright, and well lit. Also several of the devices appear to be shiny and relatively new. Very little rust , and no apparent vermin issues. The torturer is somewhat ineffectual as he uses his whip about as well as your typical 6 year old uses a skipping rope. Overall i can not in good conscience give this dungeon and torturer a grade above 2 stars at this point in time. They simply do not seem to take torture seriously. My wife was more vicious that the torturer, the food was better than i got at home and over all the quality of my life has improved since i was locked up in this place. If you want a 5 star rating from me you really need to improve your torture techniques. I personally tend to give higher ratings when tortured with bamboo under my fingernails, drops of water falling on my head while i’m suffering from thirst, as well as frequent visits to the iron maiden. I hope these tips will allow you to improve your service so you can earn the 5 star reviews you seek.

OK, I’ll fill it out but do you promise it is totally anonymous?