Know what else isn’t an island? Rhode Island. Pig wallow in mud as their own form of sunscreen. As for Mitchell’s culinary creations, is the first one pronounced as “Cool Whip” or as “Cool HWhip”?
Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York.
Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed of for so long: the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the Rockefeller Center, and others.
Eventually, they make their way to Coney Island. As they stroll down the beach, taking in all the newness of America, they see a very large billboard that reads: “HOT DOGS,” with a big arrow pointing down to a little hot dog stand. Being hungry and seeing that having an American hot dog would be something new, they decide to try one.
So they order two hot dogs and sit on a nearby bench to enjoy another piece of Americana.
The first brother sets his hot dog in his lap, unfolds the paper wrapper, looks at his hot dog for a moment, and suddenly wraps it back up. He then turns to his brother and says, “What part of the dog did you get?”
A gentleman on his way to a job interview in Brooklyn (same borough as Coney Island) breaks the sole of his shoe. Not wanting to arrive at the interview with a broken shoe, he asks some by-standers where the closest cobbler is.
“You’ll want Olaf Von Gundersen.” says one gentleman. “He isn’t very close by but he’s quick and his prices are just right.”
Having no choice, the man with the broken shoe hurries off. He goes through numerous tiny alleyways, getting lost often and has to ask for directions but everyone he meets knows where Olaf Von Gundersen’s shop is and praises him highly.
Finally, the gentleman arrives at the shop. A tiny little Asian man is sitting outside, smoking a pipe.
“Excuse me,” says the man with the broken shoe, “where can I find Olaf Von Gundersen?”
“It is me.” says the little Asian man. “I am Olaf.”
The gentleman is taken aback but then recovers and shows the little Asian man his broken shoe. The Asian man fixes it within minutes and with perfect craftsmanship.
The gentleman pays him then hesitates as he’s about to leave.
“Excuse me, Mr. Von Gundersen,” he says, “May I ask how you got your name, seeing as you are well… Asian. The name doesn’t quite fit, as you can understand.”
The little Asian man takes a seat and puffs on his pipe.
“When I came to Ellis Island 20 years ago,” he begins, “I was waiting in line to be admitted into your great country. In front of me was a tall, broad shouldered blonde man. When his turn came, he stepped up to the immigration officer.
The immigration officer said: ’What’s your name?’
The man said, ‘Olaf Von Gundersen.’
The immigration officer stamped his papers and let him through.
Y’all can keep your Cool Whip. I don’t want no fake foam on my dessert! Speaking of deserts: Carruthers and Blenkinsop have been lost in the desert for many days, and they finished the last of their water that morning.
Blenkinsop says, “Carruthers, old chap, to be perfectly honest it looks like we’re finished,” and Carruthers says, “You’re probably right, old fellow, but never say die, what? You never know what’s over the next sand-dune.”
Prophetic words, for over the next sand dune they spy what appears to be an Arab market close by, and they make for it with the last of their strength. On arriving, they go to the first stall, and they say to the stallholder, “Good day to you, and have you any water for sale?”
“No,” says the stallholder, “but what I do have is these delicious desserts! Consider this glorious bottom layer composed of fruits and sponge cake, the middle layer of exquisite custard, and the topping of whipped cream and multi-coloured sugar strands – is it not a sight to gladden the eye?”
And the travellers agree but regretfully concede that it would only make them all the thirstier, so they go on to the next stall. As before they ask for water, but all the vendor has for sale is another such dessert as the first vendor was selling – a confection of sponge cake and fruit and sugar and custard and cream which, regretfully, does not answer their need for drinking water at all.
And it’s the same story at every other stall in the market: a score of different variations on the same dessert theme, and not a drop of water to be had.
Eventually the two Englishmen are forced to concede that there is probably no hope for them here and they set off into the desert once more, and Carruthers says, “Well, it looks like we are done for indeed, but I have to say, Blenkinsop, that was most strange, wouldn’t you say?”
And Blenkinsop says, “Yes indeed – it was a trifle bazaar.”
I believe the place is called Coney Island because it’s a tourist destination, with one of the city’s nicer beaches and our iconic Luna Park (formerly Astroland)
Three in one day? Oh, my. Is this one worth the effort?
A senior citizen’s group charters a bus from Brooklyn to Atlantic City. As they enter New Jersey, an elderly woman comes up to the driver and says “I’ve just been molested!
The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down.
A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested. The driver starts to think he may have a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she’d been molested too. The bus driver decides that he’s had enough, and pulls into the first rest area. When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
“Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?” says the bus driver.
“I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I grab it, it keeps running away.”
We had Cool Whip often when I was a child but no longer; we only buy the real thing: whipped cream. Cool Whip is sugar and hydrogenized vegetable oil whipped together!
Coney Island (Bunny Island to the original Dutch settlers ) was originally an Island, but the bay was filled in during the 19th Century to allow farming and construction on the area.
jasonsnakelover almost 2 years ago
Milliam Witchell
It’s gotta be something so what IS Coney Island. Is an is land?
May the Lord be with you as He is with me.
i_am_the_jam almost 2 years ago
Then why is it call an island?
Templo S.U.D. almost 2 years ago
Know what else isn’t an island? Rhode Island. Pig wallow in mud as their own form of sunscreen. As for Mitchell’s culinary creations, is the first one pronounced as “Cool Whip” or as “Cool HWhip”?
pearlsbs almost 2 years ago
Well, the State of Rhode Island is also not an island.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 2 years ago
This is an old joke, so don’t groan too loudly.
Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York.
Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed of for so long: the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the Rockefeller Center, and others.
Eventually, they make their way to Coney Island. As they stroll down the beach, taking in all the newness of America, they see a very large billboard that reads: “HOT DOGS,” with a big arrow pointing down to a little hot dog stand. Being hungry and seeing that having an American hot dog would be something new, they decide to try one.
So they order two hot dogs and sit on a nearby bench to enjoy another piece of Americana.
The first brother sets his hot dog in his lap, unfolds the paper wrapper, looks at his hot dog for a moment, and suddenly wraps it back up. He then turns to his brother and says, “What part of the dog did you get?”
Until next time.
therese_callahan2002 almost 2 years ago
And, no, Mikey did not die from a Pop Rocks and Coca Cola combo.
Shirl Summ Premium Member almost 2 years ago
No fooling. It’s called an “island” because it is an entertainment island.
bookworm0812 almost 2 years ago
Mmmm. Three great junk food products! I’d like to shake that man’s hand!
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 2 years ago
A gentleman on his way to a job interview in Brooklyn (same borough as Coney Island) breaks the sole of his shoe. Not wanting to arrive at the interview with a broken shoe, he asks some by-standers where the closest cobbler is.
“You’ll want Olaf Von Gundersen.” says one gentleman. “He isn’t very close by but he’s quick and his prices are just right.”
Having no choice, the man with the broken shoe hurries off. He goes through numerous tiny alleyways, getting lost often and has to ask for directions but everyone he meets knows where Olaf Von Gundersen’s shop is and praises him highly.
Finally, the gentleman arrives at the shop. A tiny little Asian man is sitting outside, smoking a pipe.
“Excuse me,” says the man with the broken shoe, “where can I find Olaf Von Gundersen?”
“It is me.” says the little Asian man. “I am Olaf.”
The gentleman is taken aback but then recovers and shows the little Asian man his broken shoe. The Asian man fixes it within minutes and with perfect craftsmanship.
The gentleman pays him then hesitates as he’s about to leave.
“Excuse me, Mr. Von Gundersen,” he says, “May I ask how you got your name, seeing as you are well… Asian. The name doesn’t quite fit, as you can understand.”
The little Asian man takes a seat and puffs on his pipe.
“When I came to Ellis Island 20 years ago,” he begins, “I was waiting in line to be admitted into your great country. In front of me was a tall, broad shouldered blonde man. When his turn came, he stepped up to the immigration officer.
The immigration officer said: ’What’s your name?’
The man said, ‘Olaf Von Gundersen.’
The immigration officer stamped his papers and let him through.
‘Next!’
I stepped up.
The immigration officer said, ‘What’s your name?’
I said, ‘Sem Ting.’”
Until next time.
Huckleberry Hiroshima almost 2 years ago
And Batman is not a bat! Plus you don’t need a boat to get to Rhode “Island.”
Take care, may prolific Cool Hwip enthusiast Stewie “Put That Spoon Back Where You Found It Vile Woman!” Grifford be with you, and gesundheit.
anomalous4 almost 2 years ago
Cool Whip, Pop Rocks, & Tang? Better living thru chemistry! 8-D
funny_jack almost 2 years ago
AND… Madison SQUARE Garden is ROUND.
mindjob almost 2 years ago
I could really go for some Shake a Puddin” just about now
FassEddie almost 2 years ago
Y’all can keep your Cool Whip. I don’t want no fake foam on my dessert! Speaking of deserts: Carruthers and Blenkinsop have been lost in the desert for many days, and they finished the last of their water that morning.
Blenkinsop says, “Carruthers, old chap, to be perfectly honest it looks like we’re finished,” and Carruthers says, “You’re probably right, old fellow, but never say die, what? You never know what’s over the next sand-dune.”
Prophetic words, for over the next sand dune they spy what appears to be an Arab market close by, and they make for it with the last of their strength. On arriving, they go to the first stall, and they say to the stallholder, “Good day to you, and have you any water for sale?”
“No,” says the stallholder, “but what I do have is these delicious desserts! Consider this glorious bottom layer composed of fruits and sponge cake, the middle layer of exquisite custard, and the topping of whipped cream and multi-coloured sugar strands – is it not a sight to gladden the eye?”
And the travellers agree but regretfully concede that it would only make them all the thirstier, so they go on to the next stall. As before they ask for water, but all the vendor has for sale is another such dessert as the first vendor was selling – a confection of sponge cake and fruit and sugar and custard and cream which, regretfully, does not answer their need for drinking water at all.
And it’s the same story at every other stall in the market: a score of different variations on the same dessert theme, and not a drop of water to be had.
Eventually the two Englishmen are forced to concede that there is probably no hope for them here and they set off into the desert once more, and Carruthers says, “Well, it looks like we are done for indeed, but I have to say, Blenkinsop, that was most strange, wouldn’t you say?”
And Blenkinsop says, “Yes indeed – it was a trifle bazaar.”
198.23.5.11 almost 2 years ago
I hope NASA is paying royalties on TANG,which became a staple on space flights.
yangeldf almost 2 years ago
I believe the place is called Coney Island because it’s a tourist destination, with one of the city’s nicer beaches and our iconic Luna Park (formerly Astroland)
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 2 years ago
Three in one day? Oh, my. Is this one worth the effort?
A senior citizen’s group charters a bus from Brooklyn to Atlantic City. As they enter New Jersey, an elderly woman comes up to the driver and says “I’ve just been molested!
The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down.
A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested. The driver starts to think he may have a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she’d been molested too. The bus driver decides that he’s had enough, and pulls into the first rest area. When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
“Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?” says the bus driver.
“I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I grab it, it keeps running away.”
Until next time.
WCraft Premium Member almost 2 years ago
We had Cool Whip often when I was a child but no longer; we only buy the real thing: whipped cream. Cool Whip is sugar and hydrogenized vegetable oil whipped together!
hsawlrae almost 2 years ago
Do you mean to tell me that Coney Island is Phony Island?
Stephen Gilberg almost 2 years ago
You know, I don’t think I ever tried any of those foods. Except bacon.
JonSchuck almost 2 years ago
Mitchell is a mass murderer then
heathcliff2 almost 2 years ago
Once upon a time more people could afford to go to Coney Not An Island. Not being an island helped.
tee929 almost 2 years ago
Hippo’s can sunburn too and sweat a “blood sweat” which is really a mucus that helps cover their skin for protection.
goldier Premium Member almost 2 years ago
Coney Island (Bunny Island to the original Dutch settlers ) was originally an Island, but the bay was filled in during the 19th Century to allow farming and construction on the area.