Close to Home by John McPherson for May 31, 2023

what a crappy idea!

There has to be a better way than a Salt Purge !

I’m confident that he’ll loose everything he ever ate since 1963 !

Strap in, it might be a bumpy ride.

Bleeb, you might want to move to another room…

Sad, but true.

With a bidet on high pressure this rig would be helpful.

I always pretend I’m landing the Apollo Lunar Module….

Oh, goody! I get to have this procedure done soon!

This would also be a good time to install a soft toilet seat cover, as he’ll be spending the next couple hours sitting on it.

“…I’m not the man they think I am at all. I’m Rocketman.”

This scenario is part of Dave Barry’s Colonoscopy Journal.

Fasten your seat belt…it’s gonna be a very bumpy night….

It makes for good battlefield sound effects.

Oh great…thanks for the flash back.

Mr McP has obviously had a colonoscopy. And yeah, Bleeb? Unless you have no sense of smell, you should leave this room before the action begins.

… to prevent liftoff.

Truth here…

What an enflatuating experience!!

Cue SNL Colon Blow skit:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ku42Iszh9KM

Muste expecting explosive diarrhea.

Actually, thats a pretty good idea. If I had a pillow it would be handy as well.

Prepping for a colonoscopy adds a whole new meaning to ‘it keeps you running’.

When I balked at getting my first colonoscopy my doctor didn’t press it. He just told me it’s an excellent way to catch cancer, and it’s a long painful way to die. I’ve had three now.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Yeooow!

Dave Barry wrote a hilarious article about his first colonoscopy, and everyone shoud read, especially for those first-timers:

“MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.”

Read more at: https://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article1928847.html#storylink=cpy

I just had the procedure. Followed the instructions for the prep. Had the procedure only to find out the prep didn’t do the job. I have to repeat in a year with a 2 DAY PREP. I am NOT looking forward to a 2-day clear liquid fast and 2 days on the toilet.

Believe me…you won’t be tempted to leave anyway!! (ask me how I know! Lol!!)

Readers of today’s Wallace the Brave should enjoy this one!

Awww. I think I’m the ONLY living human being who misses “The Cleveland Show.”:’( (There was an episode where Cleveland gets stuck to his throne when he makes a device to prevent him from falling off again!)

Like a rocket ship

I recommend you have a plunger handy too.

The eruption of Mount Assuvius.

Uncomfortable levels of truth, here!

John, John, john…

I’m good now for another ten years, no polyps! Something to look forward to, right!

Last year, I had two colonoscopies within a period of a month. The first colonoscopy could not be completed because I had a “stricture” so a virtual one using a CAT scan was ordered. I had to prep for both procedures. The virtual colonoscopy was gut busting painful. The technician pumped my intestines full of air like a car tire and I was wide awake with no pain meds. I had to be fully conscious so that I could turn over like a frickin’ hamburger. I hope I don’t have to do THAT ever again.

Yeah, hang on to your seat buddy!

A tad vulgar.

She just wants to save the ceiling when he blasts off.

Yes the prep is definitly worse than the procedure.