Frazz by Jef Mallett for July 31, 2023

Or you get someone like me who CANT float. I finally convinced the lasy Red Cross instructor that some people just can’t float. ( I’m not afraid of the water and I’ll happily swim, float or anything else…just with arm floaties.)

In The Netherlands, they have swimming lessons (more like learning to float and getting used to the water) for babies and at a young age, kids learn to swim, it’s kinda mandatory here. But we see an upsurge of drowning victims here as well, because of all the refugees that come here, from countries that don’t have that much open water as we do and thus haven’t learned to swim well.

That statistic includes bathtubs in addition to swimming pools.

It’s ironic that Caulfield said that, because so many African-American kids never learn how to swim. That should be a mandatory life skill that should be taught as early as possible.

I am a nanny for 3 kids and one of the things I absolutely refuse to do is take them swimming, even with a lifeguard present. I told them I would try a splash pad, though we have found that water days at the house with sprinklers, toys, and occasionally a friend, worked out just fine.

We have a lifeguard shortage yet the city will not let the existing lifeguards work more than 24 hours per week or they would need to pay benefits! There’s a reason there are no career lifeguards.

If it’s 1-4 year old, I suspect it’s often the bathtub instead of the pool.

My uncle was a lifeguard till he was in his 60s. He was a teacher and got the summer off, and that was what he loved to do. After he retired, he wound up setting some state-wide swimming records for people 70+.

Seems to me that kids drowning at the age range of 1 to 4 isn’t due to a lack of gym instructors, as it is to parents with pools and insufficient safeguards and/or supervision. When we were planning to rent to people with toddlers, we even filled in our little goldfish pond so there’d be zero chance of drowning.

If the kid says “Hold my sippy cup and watch this”, they’re going to be an extra challenge.

One thing to remember is that it’s not just pools. You can actually drown in water just an inch deep. It’s a little bit of a freak accident, but it can and does happen. Most commonly, that’s a bathing accident that happens to older adults. They fall in the shower and either get knocked unconscious or otherwise can’t get up, and their bodies block the drain, causing the basin to fill. If they landed face down, their mouth and nose will shortly be underwater; face up and they may have the water pouring into their faces, effectively waterboarding them.

Small children drowning in bathtubs happens distressingly often as well, due to inattentive caregivers. The caregivers most of the time aren’t bad people, either, like they’re mostly not doing drugs or leaving the kids in the bath for an hour while they run errands. Most of the time they just left the kids in the bath for a minute while they went to take care of something else and came back to find the kid blue. They just didn’t appreciate how incredibly fast drowning can happen.

Swimming lessons won’t help a toddler who has fallen head first in a bucket of water. https://www.cpsc.gov/Newsroom/News-Releases/1989/Large-Buckets-Are-Drowning-Hazards-For-Young-Children

While we’re on the subject of pay: Lawyers, bankers, and CEOs should make minimum wage; teachers & nurses should start in the mid-6-figure range.

The National Center for Health Statistics gives this overview of deaths by age group as of 2018:

https://www.cdc.gov/injury/wisqars/pdf/leading_causes_of_death_by_age_group_2018-508.pdf

For age range 1-4, “unintentional injury” (presumably including drowning) tops the list at 1,226 deaths. The sickening surprise in that column is #3, homicide, at 353. People killing little kids, my god!

Looking at the chart in detail, it becomes apparent that the real underlying cause of most deaths is getting old. I’m gonna keep trying anyway, tho, doggone it!

Panel 1: Now THAT’S how you start a comedic take.

Now in Florida, you have to remember not to let the infants stay in the ocean for too long, lest they get cooked.

If it’s any comfort, death in the 1-4 age bracket is really very rare, between 1 and 2 per thousand. It’s one of the lowest for all age groups.

Like so many things, it’s not a pie.

I can’t float either. I’m living proof that fat doesn’t float!

My son was in the Navy 20 years. Never did get the floating part down. But was a great swimmer…