Herman by Jim Unger for October 12, 2023

I want pills the same color as my outfit.

Because your sister has the runs.

Because you were acting like a baby

She’s doing what the TV ads tell her: Ask your doctor about big blue capsules.

“Because she suffers occasional constipation, and those are suppositories.”

Well … You have a cold and she doesn’t … and … well … you know …

Your “sister” identifies as a “man”. … Do you identify as man?

Because the rep from the company who makes the cough syrup just paid me more.

“Give me an antibiotic!” “But you have a viral infection and…” “I don’t care! I’m sick! I want an antibiotic!”

She got suppositories and you got cough syrup?

It all depends on the kind of seggs you’re having!

“Because your sister chooses to stay in the Matrix.”

Because you deserve it.

“Frankly speaking, ma’am, your mouth is bigger”.

She had the right Contacts

“Because I like you better, of course.”

She has better insurance.

Because your parents loved her best.