Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for November 10, 2023

How many calories are in the food section? Is the ink fattening? Don’t those endless meatloaf and tuna-casserole recipes lead to a healthy epidemic of anorexia nauseosa?

“We’ve all been putting on a little weight. Heck, I haven’t been this heavy since I had both arms!”

And so begins Day Five in the competition between “Crankshaft” and “The Family Circus” to see who can craft a week’s worth of non-jokes on the dying print newspaper medium, a field that apparently only the very young and very old care about. Can’t wait for tomorrow’s denouements.

Also, are we supposed to believe that this threadbare, crowd-funded, small-town fishwrap actually pays a syndicate to run daily comic strips? Perhaps Batton Thomas, Creator of the Nationally Syndicated Comic Strip “Three O’Clock High,” lets them print old cartoons gratis if he’s allowed to work out on someone’s treadmill each day.

Cut out the politics pages. That will reduce a lot of wasted resources.

“We’ve had to institute some economies” is a phrase that I’ve never heard a human say or have read being written. It’s like an art to him, these phrases which use English words but nobody has ever conceived.

Mr. Skip: “Under my leadership, and with these changes I am proposing, I see the circulation of the Sentinel increasing to 14 within the next year.” Thunderous applause and approval from the Sentinel shareholders.

HIS Eagle Will Soon Soar Again! One Nation Under GOD! GOD Bless America!

At least they didn’t drop Crankshaft.

This guy is major bad news.

The centerfold will be a permanent tribute to Lisa’s Story.

He’s saving money in the comics section by only running repeats of old strips. The trouble with that is all his subscribers are old enough to have seen them the first time they ran.

Yep ….leave those grocery store inserts out!!!!!

They should print comics just by themselves. They could sell them in book form!

Now that’s not fair to people who like to look at the food section just for the fun of it. Some of the recipes look yummier than if you made it yourself (maybe better!)

Yay!

Can we pause for a moment to admire the staircase in the background? It has been the best thing to look at in this strip all week! If anything, yesterday’s staircase was even better! I am listing “Stairy” as my new favorite Cshaft character!

get margo lanes to sponsor the paper that would help

Thanks Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis. I like Crankshaft so much I ready it each and everyday. You work IS APPRECIATED.

With MoPete buying Montoni’s, Skippy could just combine the two sections.

Been wondering what might be in the Sentinel. News section: “School Bus Backs Over Mailbox.” Food section: “This Year’s Band Turkeys Boast 50% More Salmonella.” Entertainment section: “Valentine leads with ‘Radio Ranch’; our critic says the sleeping was great.” Sports page: “Lena’s Gutter Ball Loses Tournament for Bus Drivers Team (again).” Weather: “Smoke From Crankshaft’s Chimney Fire Should Dissipate By Weekend.” Comics: “Latest Sideways Cover From AtomiK KomiX.” Home and Living Section: “New Band Mattresses Boast 50% More Bedbugs.” Business: “Centerville Sentinel on Verge of Bankruptcy.” Op-Ed: “Internet Bad, Paper Good.” Health: “Why Three Squares A Day Is Plenty.”

Ed still hasn’t moved all week, nor has his expression changed.

Was there any point to his talking about the comics section? Nope.

What brings in more revenue, the comics, or, the food section?

Canceled our paper after 40+ years. The company did not care about customers that lived outside the city limits.

Haha! (＾▽＾) What no puzzle section? There were 3 things I liked in our paper when I was a kid…comics, recipes, & puzzles. Oddly enough never really read the news!