Herman by Jim Unger for April 07, 2024

When Your Opinion Meets My Opinion… NOT MY STORY

An older lady customer approaches me as I stock items in our cutlery section.

Customer: “Oh, excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find [produce item]?”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t work in the produce department, but I can walk you over to one of my coworkers who—”

Customer: “I was just over there, but all the workers there couldn’t help me.”

Me: “That’s strange. I happen to know four people working in the produce department today. Let’s go see if we can find—”

Customer: Insistent “No, it needs to be you! I want you to help me!”

Me: “But I don’t know where [item] is, ma’am. Why does it have to be me?”

Customer: “Because you’re an American! Those other people were… not!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you saying that because I am white, and my coworkers in produce are Black and Asian?”

Customer: “Don’t make me sound like I’m racist!”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry, you’re doing that all on your own.”

Customer: “Look, I’m not trying to make a fuss! Just show me there [item] is without attacking my opinion!”

Me: “I’d try to share my opinion, too, ma’am, but I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to express myself in this case.”

Customer: “That’s so offensive! Get me your manager!”

Me: “Yes, I’ll go get my manager because I’m the offensive one.”

The look on her face when she met my manager, Mr. Myeong, was priceless…

“Each time I come in to visit you’re watching ‘Wheel of Fortune.’ You have a thing for Vanna White, don’t you deny it! Well, she doesn’t even know you’re alive, Smedley!”

If she cooks like she talks, without her he probably wouldn’t be in hospital.

Can’t wait ’til he gets back home so she can deny him intimacy.

Getting Sam Home: Season 7 episode 7 of Last of the Summer Wine

More like she’ll deny him the divorce.

The car won’t start? How did she get to the hospital? Is it next door? Doesn’t look like she could walk any kind of distance.

His being inconsiderate is grounds for divorce

“What would you do without me?”

“Just lay here.”

Get some much needed rest?

The woman is a twit in all but one regard…..I am an OJ snob. I flat out detest OJ from concentrate. Nasty swill. I’ll drink it on vacation because that is all that comes with the breakfasts but at home? Nope, pure OJ please.

Drink orange juice alone?

She’s sure making him appreciate being in the hospital.

She certainly gives him a lot to come home to.

So realistic!

Go Comics has a censor!

indeed!