Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for April 01, 2024

“Pam, have you heard about the teachings of Marshall Applewhite? The Great Recycling of 2024 is upon us. Here, try these Nike Decades shoes – you’re a size 6, right?”

Suddenly, I want to believe all the dire apocalyptic predictions that the lunatic fringe is making about the eclipse. Will Ed remove his cap to reveal his 666 birthmark? Will Pmmm crush his head under her heel? Will Les Moore appear, suffer a grievous head wound, then inevitably rise from the dead? Or will this strip merely be renewed for another year?

Two points to Batiuk for making this week’s arc timely (of course, he’s had over a year to plan it) and geographically accurate. On the other hand, two demerits for not having Pmm say “What are you doing, Dad?” in Panel Two.

Just tell me the whole thing concludes with Ed burning out his retinas staring at the sun.

I’m impressed! Tom knowing that reality is a thing that happens?! Remember 2021, when Crank was in full PPE because of “the Flu,” since Tom decided that no one would know—IN 20FREAKIN’21—what “a covid” was? I fully expect every strip will begin with a Pam “What are you doing, Dad? No one knows you’re my 105 year old Dad unless I say it, right? Let me ask you that again tomorrow.”

So … now we know … Crank’s Bean’s End shipment was a gross of air mattresses

So where on map is Centerville on that line?

Great news! Batiuk bringing back his Funky Weenkerbean komix strip!

One time I had $26 altogether.

Don’t laugh. People are doing this. Towns in the path of totality are going to be slammed with visitors. Hotel rooms are going in some places for over $1,000 a night.

Come back next Monday when we find out that in Centerville, it’ll be pouring rain all day.

The artists map looks pretty accurate! We’re driving up to Erie next week for the spectacle. Look around. Buy a cruller or two.

Be with us tomorrow for another lesson in Price Gouging 101…..

$25 for parking? We live in the “Path Of Totality” and for the past couple weeks there have been people in my area offering parking and or camping spots on FB Marketplace for $200 and up.

Really?

……anything for a buck!!!!!!!!

wwzbs=What will the Zoning board say about Ed’s plan?

Since when is Lake Erie South of Michigan?

Traffic in the path of totality is going to be a nightmare.

how do people have all this time and money ?

Only $25? In 2017, some people in Nebraska were asking $50 & up for parking! We found a junkyard parking lot deep in Nebraska and set up there with about 50 other folks & enjoyed the show.

i looked up motel rates all along the totality path, and most of them were getting $500 & upwards of $1500 for 7-8 April!

Cranky is from the old days school, when you could believe the news………….

The center of the path of totality, which the total eclipse duration will be longest, cuts across the NW corner of Ohio. Center of Ohio is close to the southern edge of the path of totality. If Crankshaft gets a total Solar eclipse, it might be total for only a few seconds.

A wise man knows what the needs of his customers are.,.

What, no clever name for the Channel One astronomy expert like “Sol R. Eclipse” or “Telly Scope”? You’re slipping, Batiuk.

Ed forgot you can stand in the street for free.

The clue is in the name . . .

Will the Moon crash into Centerville, initiating “The Burnings,” obliterating XomiX Xorner and its intolerable denizens, and ending all of our collective misery? We can only hope and pray.