Baby Blues by Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott for June 14, 2024

Euphemisms “R” us

Like a sanitation engineer?

what’s his role from the cubicle?

We make a clean sweep of the competition!

I disliked explaining my job. So I boiled it down to ‘I fix jets’. Otherwise I feel I need (compelled?) to explain a whole concept of what I do. And that leads to Dear in the Headlights stare.

I don’t recall the details of his job being mentioned before. His work was always just ‘generic office job’ to me.

doo-dads sounds better

My first thought was headlights.

Well finally someone to complain to! Force auto manufacture’s to make them all attach exactly the same!

The secret is out. We never knew this, right?!?

Visibility acuity, not visual acuity. That would be opticians.

I hate the jargon. H.R. actually TOLD me to describe my job like that. Does bureaucrat-speak impress anybody?

I think the purpose is to obfuscate rather than to clarify. But it may look better on a resumé when applying for another job — it can make it look like one’s experience is wider than it really is.

Oh winter’s here with all the ice and snow

And the surly slush upon the road

The salty spray upon my window

Makes me wish that I’d replaced my wiper blades

My wiper wiper wiper blades

My wiper wiper wiper blades

My wiper wiper wiper blades

I wish that I’d replaced my wiper blades

Salty spray from semis that do pass

They turn my windshield into bathroom glass

I turn the knob but I come to the conclusion

That I did not fill up my washer solution

My wiper wiper wiper fluid

My wiper wiper wiper fluid

My wiper wiper wiper fluid

I wish that I’d replaced my wiper fluid

My wiper wiper wiper blades

My wiper wiper wiper blades

My wiper wiper wiper blades

I wish that I’d replaced my wiper blades

Down the expressway, 80 m.p.h

I can make out headlights, daylights, frosted shapes

But down by the dash is a clearing where both blades do scrape

I can see fine if I lay on the passenger seat

My wiper wiper wiper blades

My wiper wiper wiper blades

My wiper wiper wiper blades

I wish that I’d replaced my wiper blades

My wiper wiper wiper blades

My wiper wiper wiper blades

One time on delay:

My wiper

Wiper

Wiper blades

I wish that I’d replaced my wiper blaaaaaaades

I didn’t see that coming.

That does sound cooler.

English, Darryl. English.

“And what do you do, Hugh?”

“I supply Critical Effort and Materials required for the smooth and efficient day-to-day operation of the Business.”

“So you’re a Gofer…”

Like: Garbage Man = Sanitation Engineer; Mechanic = Equipment Breakdown Remediator; Proctologist = Digital Trouble Shooter Specialist; Teacher = Neural Expansion Technician.

Ol’ Darryl is a guy who really calls a spade a human-powered individual excavation implement…………

For the global market, they sell scheibenwischer in Germany. In France, essuie-glaces. Spain, limpia parabrisas. In Italy, they’re tergicristalli del parabrezza.

Sounds a bit more important when you translate it.

As far as I can remember, this is the first time in all the years that it was mentioned just what business Darryl’s company is in.

Just imagine if he had developed Crunch Enhancer! “A non-nutritive cereal varnish. It’s semi-permiable. It’s not osmotic. What it does is it coats and seals the flake, prevents the milk from penetrating it.”

He’s got an actual job!

That puts him one up on Ozzie Nelson and Ward Cleaver.

Drinking game: Take a shot or a sip of water for every corporate buzzword.

My husband’s stock lines when people find out he worked in IT and say they have a problem with their digital device: “I’m sorry to hear that.” and " I don’t do fruit."

Now, that’s a secure job! Even, electric cars need windshield wipers.

Always wondered what he did for a living. Sounds pretty boring

That was good Darryl.

Doohickeys not doodads.

No wonder the confusion

Hugh’s speaking in layman’s terms…Darryl’s putting the spin on it!

When I worked as a proofreader at a very large law firm, one member of our department suggested that we start calling ourselves “Grammatical Engineers.” Can’t say it ever caught on.

Used to make integral components of fluid control systems. Pipe and tube fittings

Darryl must be planning on running for elected office.