2. Apply solution only while wearing chain-mail leisure suit.
3. Reconsider using on any cat larger than a standard jar of chutney.
Note: Research so far suggests no training and/or sedating effect noted on motorists on whose windshields said solution has been applied — nor any increase elicited either in positive feedback and/or honoraria from subject motorists, even when hallucinogens have been added to solution. Will continue experiments when released from intensive care, pending probationary hearing.
Randy B Premium Member 6 days ago
Cats don’t have hands or cudgels, and are significantly smaller than you. I have none of those limitations.
tudza Premium Member 6 days ago
It’s filled with flammable liquid and he has a lighter.
Jonathan Lemon creator 6 days ago
Let us spray.
Say What Now‽ Premium Member 6 days ago
Your spiritual guidance doesn’t work on cats.
Imagine 6 days ago
Spray to the…
whatever.
Ubintold 6 days ago
I bet his nickname is Squirt.
Superfrog 6 days ago
If you spray below the waist, you can make it look like an accident.
Lafsalot Premium Member 6 days ago
I’ve done this. It really works. I add mint.
3hourtour Premium Member 6 days ago
…say it…
…don’t spray it…
phritzg Premium Member 6 days ago
While you’re spraying those people, tell them it’s holy water and you’re baptizing them.
PraiseofFolly 6 days ago
A bottle filled with ‘holy water’? “It buuuurns!”
Rotifer NOT GETTING RUBEN BOLLING’S PIN Thalweg Premium Member 6 days ago
I’m having a hard time envisioning Mr. Rogers disciplining a cat.
Brass Orchid Premium Member 6 days ago
They don’t learn easily. Too much to unlearn. Real professionals use hydraulic excavators and front end loaders to remove previous teachings.
Kaputnik 6 days ago
The spray bottle is actually filled with helly water, although the other suggestions above are noted.
coltish1. 6 days ago
Hey, you! Get away from my altar! You can’t make an offering there…! Quit that praying! I know you’re just making fun of my spiritual guidance.
Rev Phnk Ey 6 days ago
Oxymoron
More bat guano, darling? 6 days ago
Today’s Utterly Useless Senryū du Jour:
Cats spray all the time.
They hate it when you try to
get even with them.
— Name withheld by request, as told to Dr. Felix D. Katt, MD, FACS, ASPS, ASAPS
More bat guano, darling? 6 days ago
Pro Training Tips from Doc Ferrall:
1. Soak catnip in water to be used.
2. Apply solution only while wearing chain-mail leisure suit.
3. Reconsider using on any cat larger than a standard jar of chutney.
Note: Research so far suggests no training and/or sedating effect noted on motorists on whose windshields said solution has been applied — nor any increase elicited either in positive feedback and/or honoraria from subject motorists, even when hallucinogens have been added to solution. Will continue experiments when released from intensive care, pending probationary hearing.
More bat guano, darling? 6 days ago
Directions: For best results, use high-quality spirits in spray bottle; serve with a beer back.
Howard'sMyHero 6 days ago
His desire to inspire this choir is all flocked up …!
More bat guano, darling? 6 days ago
Today’s Wholly Futile Backup Senryū du Jour:
Kitten on my sill:
How you know I’ll do your will?
Looks like I’m “staff” now.
— Ben Theah, in the July issue of Egyptian Book of the Shred article, “Done That: Now to Replace the Sofa and Drapes” © 2024 You Gimme Cad-Scratch Pheevah, courtesy of So Hard To Bear Fruit of the Loom, Inc.
More bat guano, darling? 6 days ago
Today’s Entirely Senseless Tertiary Senryū du Jour:
Sanctify the rain!
On all heads must the crap flow!
Trick? Use the right drain.
— from “Who’ll Stop the Royal Flush?”, First Movement, Act One of The Porcelain Suite Street Band for Your Protection by Baba and Yogi Yaga-Berra © 2024 Neil B. Heald, LLC
Brass Orchid Premium Member 6 days ago
There may or may not be hallucinogenic compounds in the water. Until we have obtained a clean sample, we cannot be certain.
More bat guano, darling? 6 days ago
“Always take your TV’s advice.”
— Firesign Theatre, in slightly less toxic / more innocent [?] times
markkahler52 6 days ago
Flamethrowers have been discovered to be ineffective…
willie_mctell 6 days ago
We had a cat who became immune to the squirt bottle. He’d give us a dirty look and go back to what he was doing.
6turtle9 6 days ago
A squirt for a squirt only leaves both sides wet.
Mary McNeil Premium Member 6 days ago
It doesn’t work THAT well on cats…
davidob 6 days ago
No flame wars here, please.
Meh~tdology, fka Pepelaputr 5 days ago
I know my guy dance would be inhibited.