Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for August 27, 2024

  1. Large kimg0147
    Yakety Sax  3 months ago

    Not The Sauce Of A Happy Marriage

    Customer: “My wife sent me to pick up some smoked salmon that has sauce with it.”

    Me: “Um… I don’t think any of the ones I carry come with a sauce.”

    Customer: “Hold on.

    He calls his wife, talks, and hangs up the phone.

    Customer: “She said it’s here.

    Me: “I don’t see any that say anything about a sauce.”

    Customer: “Here, you talk to her.”

    He pulls out his cell phone, dials, and puts the phone to my ear without talking to his wife.

    Me: “Um… hello?”

    Customer’s Wife: “Who the h*** is this?!”

    Me: “I’m [My Name] from [Grocery Store]. Your husband said you were looking for a specific type of smoked salmon?”

    Customer’s Wife: “Why the h*** am I talking to you?!”

    Me: “I guess your husband wanted me to get some more details? Like a brand name or something?”

    Customer’s Wife: “I’m hanging up now!”

    She hangs up. I hand the phone back. He just sighs and walks away.

     •  Reply
  2. Large kimg0147
    Yakety Sax  3 months ago

    Answer Directly To Direct Them Away

    I’m talking to my manager about an issue and he’s explaining to me how to fix it. A customer storms up to us, angry and indignant, and speaks to us in a demanding tone:

    Customer: “Your rotisserie chicken is £12 but it’s £8 at [other shop]!”

    Manager: Without hesitation. “Why are you here, then?”

    It was as if time stopped. The customer was clearly expecting their comment to result in every employee within hearing distance immediately kowtowing to him and apologizing from the bottom of their hearts at their obscene treatment. This guy was obviously not able to just ‘deal’ with the level of indifference my manager was giving him.

    After a few moments of uncomprehending what just happened, my manager adds:

    Manager: “They close at ten; better hurry.”

    The customer walks away like a zombie, slow and unsure of himself and what just happened. My manager turns to me:

    Manager: “I’ve worked here long enough to know that conversation was going to go nowhere; better for everyone to just cut it off at the head with logic. Now, where were we?”

     •  Reply
  3. Large kimg0147
    Yakety Sax  3 months ago

    How To Make Them Scream For Ice Cream

    It’s my first week working at this restaurant and I have already had a table that’s making me second-guess this job. They have been rude, loud, combative, and their son, maybe twelve or so, has already made several passive-aggressive comments about my appearance and estimations of my intelligence. Of course, the parents did nothing to discourage this.

    My manager overhears the son saying something especially repugnant towards me and checks up on me when we’re in the area between the kitchen and the restaurant floor.

    Manager: “You okay? Need me to take over?”

    Me: “No, I’m fine. I knew it might be like this, but I wasn’t expecting it during my first week.”

    Manager: “You’re doing great but let me know if it all gets a bit much.”

    I survive this table until we get to them ordering their desserts. The son orders an ice cream sundae.

    Manager: “Is that tray for the problem table?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Manager: “And the sundae is for the little s***?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Manager: “Watch and learn.”

    He replaces the sundae spoon with a soup spoon. It’s served in a traditional glass sundae cup. This cup has a small divot in the center bottom. My manager sees me getting the tray of desserts ready. The kid wasn’t able to get the last bite and become super frustrated. It was obvious this boy was never raised to control his emotions, so we witnessed this twelve-year-old boy throw a tantrum worthy of a toddler over his inability to get the last bite of melted ice cream.

    Manager: “It’s the little wins that keep you sane.”

     •  Reply
  4. Large kimg0147
    Yakety Sax  3 months ago

    “I Am Not Drinking Any F* Merlot!”*

    I am flying on a budget airline from England to Portugal. The airline is very cheap, so I am not expecting much service beyond simply getting me there safely. The plane’s crew are doing the drink service and the women in the row ahead of me are ordering.

    Passenger: “She’ll have an Aperol Spritz, I’ll take an espresso martini, and my friend is using the toilet, but she’ll have a regular martini but extra dirty.”

    Air Steward: “Darling, this is [Budget Airline]. We have red, white, sparkling, and spirits.”

    Passenger: “Oh… do you have a glass of malbec?”

    Air Steward: “We have merlot, and they come in little bottles with a screw cap.”

    The ladies “made do” with the cheap merlot and seemed equally disappointed that this two-and-a-half-hour flight didn’t serve afternoon tea.

     •  Reply
  5. Missing large
    seanfear  3 months ago

    and liquor, and coffee (if not, i dunno what you’re talking about)

     •  Reply
  6. Large kimg0147
    Yakety Sax  3 months ago

    The Most Audacious Data-Dealing Dingus To Ever Derp

    I work for an airline. This happened on the day when I returned to work from maternity leave. Apparently, while I was gone, some dingus decided that my secretary was now his personal assistant. He even told her I had authorized it, and if she said anything to me, she’d be fired. Being young and a bit naive, she believed him.

    I found out when I called and asked her where she was after lunch.

    Secretary: “Mr. [Dingus] ordered me to fetch his dry cleaning.”

    I got mad at the audacity of this guy, and I told her to not pick up anything and to get back to the office immediately.

    Of course, I inquired who he was, and I was informed that he was a Data Input supervisor. In the center of our office, we have a room with a large screen covering the wall, with a map of North America showing our airline’s flights flying into, out of, or over the US and Canada, lovingly referred to as the “War Room”. Data Input is responsible for keeping it up to date, along with making the reports us executives have to read to do our jobs.

    I went to the office [Dingus] shared with another and spoke to him in my best valley-girl accent.

    Me: “Hi, sorry to interrupt. Can I ask why [Secretary] is doing errands for you? I thought she worked for someone else?”

    Dingus: “Her boss is some foreign b**** who got knocked up and is probably not coming back. Meanwhile, we Americans have to share offices and do grunt work. But why do you ask?”

    Me: Changing to my real accent “Because I’m [My Name as it’s written on my office door], the b**** who got knocked up and is now going to have a talk with your boss.”

    His face drained of colour. He did not like the yelling his manager gave him, and he certainly didn’t like hearing that he had to pass sensitivity training or be fired.

     •  Reply
  7. Avt freyjaw nurse48
    FreyjaRN Premium Member 3 months ago

    That it is. Add cats to prove it’s made of love.

     •  Reply
  8. Blunebottle
    blunebottle  3 months ago

    And Aunty surprises us again.

     •  Reply
  9. Missing large
    ddl297  3 months ago

    Well said!

     •  Reply
  10. Pc200099
    assrdood  3 months ago

    What happened to the real Aunty? Is there a ransom demand?

     •  Reply
  11. Img 5203
    rockyridge1977  3 months ago

    It takes a heap of living to make a home!!!!

     •  Reply
  12. Red skelton
    Daltongang Premium Member 3 months ago

    “Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.”—Clint Eastwood

     •  Reply
  13. 7a3d35b05103496eecec311170ba260d
    Pickled Pete  3 months ago

    That guy sure does have a look of apprehension!

     •  Reply
  14. 250
    ladykat  3 months ago

    True.

     •  Reply
  15. Sexy eyes clip
    el_eye  3 months ago

    Her husband is showing some excitement ??

     •  Reply
  16. 1972 mgb
    sbenton7684  3 months ago

    You don’t see Aunty Acid with a significant other very often…

     •  Reply
  17. Missing large
    dflak  3 months ago

    I’ve lost count of how many residences I’ve had when I was on active duty, but it was always nice to come home.

     •  Reply
  18. Img 0448  2018 01 29 23 33 16 utc
    pheets  3 months ago

    Aunty says something positive. Let’s stick with that for the day : )

     •  Reply
  19. Media 5dc187a4803260.04617927 fdd8684c13693e6d6c85e304b87dcbf01c6b0e48b4fdb1af66a6adf1388907b3
    anomalous4  3 months ago

    Just the facts.

     •  Reply
  20. Missing large
    wildlandwaters  3 months ago

    and through his gritted teeth, he says “I’m happy! Can’t you see I’m happy? Right, dear??”

     •  Reply
  21. Stinker
    cuzinron47  3 months ago

    So you finally let Walt out of the dungeon.

     •  Reply
  22. Missing large
    Jefano Premium Member 3 months ago

    Nothing makes Aunty look better than posing her next to her husband.

     •  Reply
  23. Missing large
    paullp Premium Member 3 months ago

    Once again, Aunty goes deep — or are today’s word of wisdom courtesy of her husband?

     •  Reply
  24. Kyon facepalm
    davidob  3 months ago

    Who are you, and what have you done with Aunty?

     •  Reply
Sign in to comment

More From Aunty Acid