Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 28, 2012

Well, if one method doesn’t work, might as well try another. This is kind of overkill though, wouldn’t you say?

… ok, now close it again …

Well it got the lid off BUT now the mayo is unusable it’s filled with glass shards.

Krafty!

Guard Duck doesn’t mess around, but gets right down to it.

homer simpson taught guard duck how to use a gun

Guard Duck is back from Tibet? He apparently failed to achieve the bodhicitta enlightenment. Otherwise he would not be blowing away condiment jars.

I knew someone like that: No matter what the problem was, he would fix it! The problem was that the item would no longer be of use. Once he split a cutting board in half with a karate chop, trying to kill a mouse.

It looks like Guard Duck is giving Ron Popeil a run for his money.

Somebody higher up the chain didn’t appreciate the baby walker/beer thread, huh?

No kitchen should be without a loaded .45 revolver! It’s a universal tool for opening stubborn containers, or offing stubborn complainers….

If Pickles wins the Ruben instead of Pearls I’m gonna’ throw up nonstop for thirty seven seconds

If you’re leaving the room together, don’t ask LGD to kill the light!

I wonder if Guard Duck has a license to operate that jar opener?

ahhhhh! the uses of the household revolver.

LGD reminds me so much of Mauldin’s Willie and Joe.

Bummer, I hate mayo in my glass…

I subscribe to the “It’s ok if no one steps in it” rule at my house.

You too can get your universal jar opener for only $19.95 from Ronco! Order yours now!

Send it to the mayo clinic.

" . . . the five second rule . . . "F6F5Hellcat is correct . . . there is NO “5-second rule”. Bacteria attach to food that hits the ground – instantly.On the other hand, far too many of us are far too germ-aphobic. We’re continuously surrounded and bathed by massive oceans of microbes – inside and out – and our bodies and immune systems are not just adapted to operating in a dense microbial environment, but dependent on it. So @morosemoose is correct also. Go ahead and eat it.

Don’t worry about contamination – a quick trip to the Mayo clinic and it will be fine.

The mayo jar wasn’t even wearing a hoodie.

Reminds me of the mantras of a couple of military acquaintances:(Ranger) – If a sledge hammer fails, use a bigger hammer.(Logistics) – You can air-drop anything… once.

Oh sure, blam the gun not the shooter…Remember – guns don’t open mayo jars – guard ducks do . . . ☻

What the Hell,man? I’m trying hard to catchup.

Some of those big old clunky heavy-duty revolvers are good for hammering and prying, and you can still use them for quietus.Having attained a certain level of inwardness, one notices how functional tools are. The mind among them…

what else is pig going to use that gun for. he did say thats a handy kitchen device

Guard Duck and Snuffles the terrorist cat are the best characters. No pansy, wish-washy talking….just action.

And don’t ask LGD to toss the salad. He may toss in a pinapple. After removing the little ring.

We used a P-38 to open cans in the army, but a .38? Too much collateral damage.

Hey Kevin, don’t be barfing all over the place. Just send lil’ guard duck over to take care of those two old farkies.

I guess the Zen training didn’t take.

This is why you use copper jacketed ammo and plastic mayo jars. Of course the bullet will more than likely lodge in one of the cabinet doors. :{)

Best is a brand of mayonnaise. It’s called Hellmann’s in part of the country. I like it better so I tried to make a little pun.

But, can it core a apple ??

The Duck is soooooooooooooo funny lookin’ (yeah, i know i spelled “so” wrong) but how could he be in the military?!?!

but LGD is reallyreallyreally cute.

Wait till you see him slice the bread.

A tribute to Gallagher?

Rinpoche approves..

Ah sorry the link seems not to copy. Just Google P-38 fighter and the images should show. Love those old aircraft.

Good ol’ Li’l Guard Duck. Always there to lend a helping handgun.

MARINE CORPS!!!! I knew Li’l Guard Duck was a Marine…after all he is a threat on land, in air and at sea!!!! Semper Fi, Li’l Guard Duck!

That works

Why doesn’t Guard Duck have an M9, or an M1911 variant? It would seem more likely if he is using army weapons.

“i love you, Kitchen Gun!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9froOhQ6Vb8

I guess it’s handy if you want to have to scrape the mayo off of the counter in order to use it.

And probably handy to shoot Pastis, in case he makes his bad pun again!

well the lids loose but so is the mayo

kitchen gun meme time

Thumbs up to that

Kitcen gun return

Guess the retreat didn’t take. Or gunplay is the new form of meditation.

Guess that Tibetan retreat didn’t work.