Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for December 06, 2023

18 more days to help put the neighborhood shop into the black.

Almost there.

Nah.

Not going to get very far having THAT sign outside your establishment. Nevertheless, noticed lately how many ads there are for stuff you neither want nor need, but you MUST have? I always go into this season of “be jolly” with a great deal of fear and trepidation – and I’ve always proved to be right.

Deck the halls with boughs of holly

While the wintry weather freezes

’Tis the season to be “mall-y”

Buying gifts we hope will please us

But before we start our list

And the shopping frenzy seize us

Stop first, to remember this

And say, “Happy Birthday, Jesus”

Here’s the only gift giving guide you’ll ever need.

Ages 1 to 5? Give Mom cash to get them what they need, and give the kid a BIG Christmas card. The super fancy ones with space for a dozen people to sign. Little kids never get mail and it’ll be the highlight of their year.

5 to 10 get a GI Joe or a Barbie. Doesn’t matter if the kid likes it or not, they are highly tradable and are school yard cash.

10 to 20 get cash. You are old and have no idea what they want. Just let them get it themselves.

Over 21 gets a bottle of booze. Even if they don’t drink, they can regift it for New Years.

Ye Old Shopping Mall’s got me. The stores chew me up and spit me out.

Unless you’re Jewish. Then it starts tomorrow. And you’ve got a week of being guilted… And the entire next year to be reminded of poor gift choices.

A sign showing a dollar amount is inside that store. It says “You must spend at least this much to eliminate your guilt”.

The after guilt is worse.

There comes a time when there is nothing more you really want or need. The priority becomes getting rid of thing you haven’t used in years because you just have to much stuff.

Wiley has put his thumb on the very reason I do not like this part of the holiday season. If we could remove the rampant commercialization, I’d like it a lot more. Then there’s the fact that I’m male and, by definition, can and never will buy the right things (save a year’s supply of lip balm in a stocking) regardless of the time effort and care I may use, unless I’m simply the one standing at the credit card reader running my card as instructed. Stress, time, money and effort expended to only foster more stress, embarrassment and disillusion. Seems like peace, family and good food should be enough.

NOOOOoooooo! Time goes by too swiftly when you get older.

19 More Days Until the Gift You Ordered Online Will Be Delivered.

I know. I KNOW. I’ll get there tomorrow

Christmas has become a secular and religious holiday. Celebrate one or the other or both or neither or something else entirely. Whatever you choose: I hope you are happy.

Here comes VISA Card,

here comes VISA Card,

right down Charge Card Lane

VISA and MASTERCARD and all the others providing a financial drain

Cash Registers are ringing, Stores are singing, all is merry and bright

So hang your stockings and say your prayers, ’cause the bill comes due in a fortnight.

I have most of my shopping done.

Bake noodle kugel. Half will love it, the other half won’t know what it is

If you run out of gift ideas, there are always those fruitcakes available. Not even looters want those

There some things I mind about being retired, old and single but Christmas is NOT one of them.

Bingo.

I bought me a new roof for my house for Christmas. Love it! Boy was I extraordinarily extravagant. ;-D

Time to take a Holiday from Xmas instead.

Ebenezer SCROOGE!!!

I’d better get crackin’.

I thought Amazon had put malls out of business…