Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for December 23, 2024

A flame thrower would be the least of your many fictional accomplishments…..

Most autobiographies are fictionalised. As Ava Gardner put it in “Ava and Me” a very bad biography (bad because the “ghost” writer made it all about him not her): “I remember it the way I choose to remember it.” Or at least that’s what he said she said. The book really should have been called “ME and ava.”

This is more like fanfiction but still, go for it, Calvin.

It’s too bad your parents won’t let you have one. :P

Good reason.

so does Calvin know that Christmas hasn’t arrived yet? cupla more days.

And after it’s published, Calvin can expect numerous libel suits: Mom and Dad, Miss Wormwood, Susie, Roslyn—even Moe! Of course, Hobbes will be his attorney—unless he’s part of the lawsuit, too!

He will, of course, omit the “noodle incident.”

Is this Elon"s kid?

For an amusing fictional autobiography along the same lines as Calvin’s (but in movie form), watch Weird: The Al Yankovic Story starring Daniel Radcliffe.

The Spike Milligan Memoirs were my favourite. A small quote of his lunacy.

“At Victoria Station the R.T.O. gave me a travel warrant, a white feather and a picture of Hitler marked “This is your enemy.” I searched every compartment, but he wasn’t on the train. At 4.30, June 2nd, 1940, on a summer’s day all mare’s tails and blue sky we arrived at Bexhill-on-Sea, where I got off. It wasn’t easy. The train didn’t stop there.”

― Spike Milligan, Adolf Hitler: My Part in his Downfall

I know these are all repeats, but this feels like a repeat when this first was printed, being the week of Christmas and not being holiday-related at all.

I’m writing a fictional autobiography through a character I invented in the mysteries I am writing. It’s good fun to play God and punish my enemies over the years. My last one was a roman à clef for revenge on an ungrateful employer.

Calvin the tiger riding cowboy with a flamethrower. Now me woulda likes to see that.

I have read many autobiographies and do not know how much fiction there is inside them.

One example I remember is Iron Eyes: The Life Of A Hollywood Indian by Iron Eyes Cody – an actor who started playing Native Americans in silent movies and continued into the 1970s and ’80s. He claimed throughout the book that he really was a Native American but I would later learn that he was really an Italian-American who became typecast as Native Americans. One photo in his book actually shows that he had Native American make-up put on him but he claimed in a caption underneath that Hollywood insisted on real Indians wearing make up as well as European-descended actors.

It is interesting that Calvin wants Hobbes to help him make up his life story. As I have often commented before, Bill Watterson stated of Hobbes in a 1989 interview, “I suspect he is more real than any kid would make up.” As Robert says, I often misquoted him as saying “could”. I have since accepted that Watterson did say “would make up”.

Anyhow, Hobbes is certainly more real than a kid would make up and is less flattering and respectful of Calvin than Calvin would like. Hobbes is likely to be very unflattering of Calvin in “helping” him with the fictional autobiography as he was very unflattering in writing about Calvin in the story which Calvin read out to the class in 1992 – unaware of what Hobbes had written until he read it out loud.

I bet he also has a 9 million dollar mansion.

Given Cal’s ‘excitable’ nature, it could be a top seller on the comics market.

…….sounds like a thriller too!!!!!!!!!

Words fail me.

Always knew something was missing from my youth…

…and a Bazooka!

Winnipeg Jets like throwing Calgary Flames that are lighter than a WOLF.

Can hardly wait for the parts about Spaceman Spliff!! Sure to be a #1 Bestseller. The Count has pre ordered on Amazon already.

I write banned books

And a chainsaw?

And Calvin’s rather dorky parents won’t but him a flame thrower.

Trust Calvin to come up with that!

“The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" has already been written!

Touché! I’d have bazookas on my truck for poor drivers.

I used to have a bumper sticker that said “Be Nice to Me, Or You Might End Up In My Novel.” I have occasionally followed through on that threat.

A friend of mine tried to help a friend of hers through an ugly divorce by putting her horrible ex in one of her novels, then killing him off gruesomely. She ran into horrible ex at a party a couple of years later. He told her he’d loved the character and how he’d “gotten what he deserved.” The guy had no idea it was based on him.

My six-year old daughter loved Calvin and Hobbes. After reading this strip she promptly added “flame thrower” to her Christmas list for Santa.

To this day, she insists that she was only joking.

I always thought an autobiography is a story about your car.

Sounds like hysterical fiction to me.

and a death ray.

I’ve wanted a flame thrower a time or two

“And I’m fireproof.”

So Calvin, just another day right ??? ;-)

In my adventures, I’m a nine-tailed fox! …with a flame thrower!

Oh, Hobbes, public figures do it all the time.

with only six years of life under your belt, and much of it cannot be recalled, you have to add the fiction

8^)

The current book I’m reading is historical fiction -characters from history but it goes into the future so it’s also Science fiction. I have read 44% of the book and it keeps getting better.

I’d like to read about what Calvin would do with a flamethrower.

Things are really starting to get hot.

There was an amusing article on the web a few years ago about using a flamethrower to clear snow off a driveway. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work well. Photos showed uneven melted snow, ice patches, and pools of burning napalm. Kind of turns a winter wonderland into Mordor.

The interesting bit was where it discussed the legality of owning a flamethrower. I was somewhat surprised to find that many states have no prohibitions on owning one, and there was a list of companies that you could buy them from, ranging from a few hundred to a few thousand dollars.

I’ll stick with my little propane weed burner.

I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Once again, Calvin reminds me of current events…