Gil Thorp by Henry Barajas and Rachel Merrill for May 15, 2020

Why is Mrs. Knappe wearing earmuffs on her neck?

The student handbook is an ass!

Call the ACLU. They have been fighting zero tolerance for years.

This Mayor needs a top hat and cane. You know, some props to help in the grandstanding process. Wonder it GilPa would let him borrow his Beau Dandy costume?

P1, The Mayor stole Marty Moon’s hairstyle.

P2, Chet Ballard wants SS Charlie Roh to hit leadoff so that maybe then Charlie will finally call him “Dad” so expect no help from the school board.

P3, Mr. Knappe isn’t pleased but the lawyer seems pretty amused by The Mayor’s plight.

P1: Mrs. Knappe is so bored her eyes are closed.

P2: And so is the lawyer.

P2: Exactly how many numbers are on Milford-area phones? Did they add buttons with emojis?

P3: The student handbook requires tolerance of WWII era Japanese fighter planes? Man, Milford anticipates every possible situation.

Stay tuned for next week’s Class Action.

“I am aware of what the handbook says, are you saying you don’t want the case because it is in the too hard file? Maybe I need to get an experienced lawyer from one of Central City’s premier firms. Or maybe I better call Saul.”

There’s always Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe. Or I. Fleecem.

In all reality , Marty Moon goes on the air with Before I talk sports with you today I want to talk to you about the expulsion of a popular Milford student athlete who was expelled for bringing to school a butter knife for home to spread peanut butter on his bagel. If this isn’t troubling enough Coach Thorp put his hand on the popular student athlete followed him into the locker room and had him strip in front of him, I ask is this in all reality perverted or what ? The phone lines are open for your calls and the switchboard lights up.

P3: Clark Kent prepares to set fire to the Student Handbook with his heat vision.

What? No HVB? What a disappointment. Maybe they’re saving her for the appeal to the Supreme Court.

P-2: CliffNotes for the next three weeks worth of strips.

Looks like a student walkout and no baseball for a couple of weeks.

I’d file this one with those idiots that sent the kid home for pointing his finger like a gun at another classmate. SEIG DUMB!

P 4: “….no s**t, Sherlock…if I was just gonna’ do nothing but read their 1950’s handbook, I wouldn’t need to be paying you…I hired you to find a way around this and get him back in school….and back on the baseball team…Capiche?…”

Listen Nancy Drew! I didn’t hire you to read the student handbook!

I knew they’d fight this to the highest levels, but I didn’t expect to see President Bartlet get involved.

P1: The mayor looks distraught. Hopefully soon he’ll be back to being regularly traught.

" Uh, Mr. Knife, what the hell are you staring at?" asks the lawyer-lady.

Well this sucks! That is NOT Hadley V Baxendale. I can’t believe they went to such a wimpy lawyer that doesn’t think she can just make up some stupid argument and beat the School Board.

Well at least now we know that The Mayor’s dad really does exist. Took him long enough to show up. Looks like the silent type so far.

And speaking of showing up, look what else has shown up. Today’s Mopped Up Thorp!

P 1.5: “…and quit standin’ around lookin’ stupid….rustle me up a sandwich…NOW!…”

But it was just a dinner knife, not a weapon! Zero tolerance sometimes means zero common sense, in my opinion!

P3: Mild-mannered Clark Kent looks for a nearly phone booth….good thing this is Milford, as they still have them.