Gil Thorp by Henry Barajas and Rachel Merrill for May 20, 2020

In short, be content with the aforementioned burger flipping for the rest of his life. Boy, I sure would feel inspired. Fellow readers, kindly ignore the sounds of coughing and gagging from the direction of the Pioneer Valley here.

The only person legally entitled to use the expression “Pardon my funk” is George Clinton.

" [N]ow at length, I have the happiness to know, that it is a rising, and not a setting sun. "

And why hasn’t some one taken out the teacher that ratted him out, and use a jar of peanut butter.

“Get your rump to Valley Modified, get your diploma and get on with your life. Just quit hanging around all us decent law-abiding people and bringing us down.”

P3 And the sun finally sets on this saga, and we get back to baseball. Thank the Lord!

“Be Like Mike” — that other Michael who was cut from his high school (basketball) team. Great things in store for young Mr. Knappe — check back in a couple of years, maybe sooner.

In all reality , Thanks for the pep talk Coach , you’re right . I’m going to become a stand up comic . I going to Central City tonight and see if I can appear at Jiggle’s Gentlemen’s Club .

P4- Oh and Mike. Turn in your loofahs. That’s Milford HS Athletic Department Property.

P1, Pardon my funk, Coach but I haven’t showered since I got thrown out of school.

P2, Maybe mopping for days is the ticket, Mr. Mayor. Let me talk to my good friend Mopman and see if he needs an apprentice. And really Mike, I don’t care if you have a social disease.

P3, Get your rump to the showers or GTFOOH!

“Go to reform school at Valley Modified. But be sure to sharpen your butter knife first.”

You can always get a job as a high school football coach.

Is there a tornado heading for town or something? Is Gil going on vacation? Very impressed how Gil shuffled The Who? off to Shankschool so quickly. “I gotta cut my losses, kid. You get it?”“Hey, that’s my rump!”

C’mon Mike!

Shake your rump to the funk!

Shake your rump to the funk!

Well Well Well!

Wow! This story is so bad even R&W have Gil getting a warning today. “Your a social creature” so go to that socialist school Valley Modified. Gil, consider yourself warned. I always thought you were above name calling. It’s very unfair, or are you just mad that they’re the only team in the Valley you’ve never played a game against & you’re taunting them?

P-3: “Get your rump to…” Apparently, Valley Modified have a Loofa policy like Milford’s and that’s what the parents think of a motivation.

Mike will indeed get his rump to VM and earn at least a GED, then on to Big State U, then law school; eventually he will pull an HvB, and come back and somehow make life a painful existence for Perl and Rooney

Wow, I can see what Mr. Knappe was talking about. Such a great inspirerer! (Is that a word?) “I know you’re depressed, but just go to the loser school and get your diploma.” “Wow, I feel better already! Look out world, here I come!”

And speaking of coming, you know what’s coming. Today’s issue of Mopped Up Thorp: https://moppedupthorp.wordpress.com/

P 2.5: “…just ‘cause you’re kicked out don’t mean that you can’t have fun drinking with the other kids at end-of-year parties…heck,…‘Pheebs might even give it up for you…Oh! …..and some of the kids threatened a walk-out on your behalf too, but you know that will never happen….they’re just too lazy to do that…hahahahahahaaa….”

Wait, how does Gil know that Mayor McCheese has been moping around his house? There’s only one explanation. He has the house bugged with microphones and/or hidden cameras. There is nothing going on in Milford that Gil doesn’t know about.

Also……WHAT ADVICE DID MAYOR MCDOOFUS SOLICIT FROM KAZ BACK AT THE START????

This is…astonishingly bad, even by GT standards. Doesn’t Gil realize how ridiculous and unfair this all is? He just want the kid to sweep everything under the rug? Really?

In the real world, both Pearl and Thorp would be sued and lose their jobs over this. Good grief.

So says the head athletic director who wanted to get to State U (case) for the last 50 years.

This story walks off into the sunset. We will be at the Milford C,C, by Memorial day. Maybe they will finally find that little girl!

Next week, the Mayor takes Gil’s advice and is at V. Modified, giving nicknames to all the students, like “Rapey,” “Stickpuppy,” and “(As)Saulty.” Until he has an unfortunate encounter in an unlit hallway with “Shivvy.”

And, Mike, don’t worry. If you can’t get into State, I’m sure they’ll accept you at Tech.

The kid is worried about not making it to State, so he thinks quitting school will help?

Later that day , Mike , Did Coach Thorp give you some words of wisdom ? Sorry , Mom ,in all reality he’s a dope but I ran into Teddy Demarco he’s got some very interesting pictures of Dr Pearl and Mr Rooney that the Milford Sun American Tribune and the School Board will be interested in seeing. EL Pervert if you know what I mean!

Hmm, are these guys on Earth or on that two-sunned planet in Star Wars? Because they were walking into the sunset as they were about to cross the street, and now they are walking into the sunset even though they changed directions!

Coach Thorp! LANGUAGE!

Not that easy. His parents have to pay tuition to the new school, he needs to transfer, get transportation, and then we’ll see what a “social creature” he is in “reform school,” as he put it.

No coach, since you adults at Milford want to enforce a silly no tolerance policy, I’ve decided to join the Army where I get to walk around with real weapons of death. So long and thanks for the fish.