Pickles by Brian Crane for March 14, 2021

If they get a call from their daughter, who’s going to answer? What will the phone smell like?

Ewww. Didn’t think of that.

In a very early Baldo comic, Baldo answered in Spanish in order to make the telemarketer understand Baldo doesn’t understand what the offer is.

Sometimes, particularly when I’m bored and a get a call from an obviously male Indian sub-continent resident named “Barbara” calling from “Microsoft Support” I’ll play along for awhile. Of course I’m using a Mac, so every instruction he gives me requires a lot of back and forth. I’ve sometimes kept him on the line for as long as 4 or 5 minutes.

Sometimes, though, I’ll just interrupt and point out that having a job that REQUIRES you to tell lies cannot be good for your soul.

Usually, though, I just hang up.

Hang up or ask for the supervisor. The response usually is, Just a moment. followed by Click.

IF my callerID™ displays an unknown number to me, I just let the call go to voicemail and let the individual deal with the CIA that “answers” all my calls!!

/SNIRK/

The confused oldster ploy when bored. Otherwise no message left on my phone answering after the greeting.

When I get a call from the IRS telling me I have been audited and owe $5000 or more I can string them along for 10 to 15 minutes The IRS does not ever call they use snail mail.. Years ago, I used to e-mails from Nigerian widows waning my help in millions out of Nigeria. all she needed was name and bank account number. I agreed and gave them to her. It was not my name or account number. Some of the stories were fantastic and I went along for pure enjoyment . Don’t get those anymore Cheers

“Please speak to my …”

Now for the flatulence….

That’s one way to handle it Earl!

The trick is to keep ‘em talking as long as you can. But if you’re busy, Earl’s method is a pretty good substitute; get ’em started, and leave ’em to it.

Lately I recieve calls on behalf of Microsoft that my computer should be ill. I explained the called that the computer looked fine to me and that I give her one aspirine a week to resolve aging pains. At that point the communication was hakted.

I’ll bet Opal doesn’t use THAT phone for a while!

Thank You, Earl ;)

Dad had a landline. He would just set the phone down and let the caller talk. Today, with the automatic recorded calls, not so much fun.

just some poor souls with horrible jobs

Of course, now I do not answer the phone unless the caller’s name appears (because it’s in my address book). But back in the day ….I would always answer with an indiscernible foreign accent so if it were a telemarketer, I could play the foreign-person card who doesn’t understand much English. Or sometimes I would answer in a baby-like voice and say in my “little-girl” voice, “My mommy isn’t here…” LOL

Twice a day, I get a call from Midland. They never leave a message and once I answered and nothing. I’ve blocked the name and number but they change one digit and the calls continue.

“We’ve been trying to reach you regarding your car’s warranty…”

My wife looks at caller ID, picks up and starts grunting and snorting. She goes on for a about ten seconds and they hang up.

I just don’t answer my phone! It’s invasive and disgusting!

What? You mean it wasn’t an urgent call about his car’s extended warranty???

I kept on on the line for 20 minutes, years ago. He thought I was set to buy. hahahaha

I’ve heard of butt dialing, but butt muffling?

“Could you get me a can of beans, Opal?”

We don’t generally answer calls without caller ID. BUT lately, and it’s worrying, calls from the hospital and the doctor are coming in without ID, just Private Caller. It’s been explained that it’s due to privacy issues, but we feel it could be taken advantage of. And that we could miss an important call because we don’t answer.

It’s a recording.. you need to push a lot of buttons to get a real person, if ever. Couple of days ago I was blitzed with 14 calls starting at 0523 about my SIN number being fraudulently used and I was going to jail if I did not “immediately” respond by pushing #1 on my keypad. Cops never did show up and thankfully they gave up the next day.

Finally! A joke by ONE of the couple that didn’t come at the expense of the OTHER!

GOOD ONE..!!!!!

I have reached the age and stage of my life where I am no longer able to hear well on the phone, so I rarely answer either the landline or my cell phone, unless I know the caller – and even then, I’m inclined to let it go to voice-mail. My wife will usually text me rather than have to shout at me on the phone.

A friend said she got very tired of those calls and shouted “Get a real job!” and hung up on a telemarketer. Immediately the phone rang again and when she answered she heard “This is a real job!” followed by a hang up.

We have given up answering the phone unless we know who is calling and just listen to any messages later.

Old Earl has his brain working!

https://youtu.be/DwXc4N_10rA

I live alone and a long time ago before I had caller ID, when telemarketers called and ask for Mr.____ (no one calls me Mr.) I would say “Hold on, I’ll get him.”   I’d set the phone down for a couple of minutes then pick it up and say “Did he answer?” and go through the routine again, sometimes shouting so they could hear me and think I was really trying to get someone to talk to them.  I think my record was four times for a total of about six minutes!  Back then I did feel a little sorry for them because they were doing a legitimate job and it wasn’t as pervasive as it is now.  Now it’s mostly scammers.

I feel a fart coming on.

I spent 3 in Thailand so sometimes I answer in Thai or Cambodian.

I learned I had to speak gibberish to Microsoft’s automated software registration system before it would connect me to a person. My situation was not covered by the voice menu and I would otherwise have been stuck in an endless loop.

I like to tell telemarketers there’s someone at the door. Hang on a sec. And then see how long they wait

I usually hang up when someone starts the conversation like that.

I had a call about my “windows”. had him going with my I was waiting for the window company to replace my broken widow to keep the rain and snow from blowing in. he couldn’t vary from his script.

Never thought of what Earl did, I just hang up, our land line phone does not work so cannot see the caller ID.

Ok people…my wife and I were phone solicitors during some of our summers in college, 40 years ago.Here is some stuff from our side of the phone. We made appointments for estimates on getting dual pane windows.

Our scripts were VERY short, and we went off script as soon as people asked questions. We used to literally be sitting there reading novels or short stories while we did our jobs. Because people tended to ask the same questions, we could still be reading books while answering routine questions.

I used to LIKE people messing with me, it was fun. Hardly anyone did, though. Once a guy started messing with me, I would play along and have fun with it. One mistake most people would make..they seemed to need permission to hang up! Instead of saying “ I’m not interested”, and then hang up, most people would stay on the line after saying they weren’t interested— which gave us the chance to respond with another question, to see if we could get them interested.

que?

I had one call and say I was the lucky winner. I said, What did I win and how much is it going to cost me?"They hung up!

If the recipient is oblivious to it? Is it really effective? I guess it is, if Earl is fulfilling the highest level of Self-actualization in Maslow’s hierarchy needs.

after 30+ years my wife won’t let me fart in front of her, but she can, go figure..

After the telemarketer gets tired and hang up, watch Earl Butt-Dial some fortune teller at only “7 cents a minute”!

Am I the only one thinking that it would be funny if Earl toots?

The real trick is to fart at the appropriate time.

TALK TO THE BUTT!

I try to sound like I’m old and don’t think to fast, and they have a sucker on the line, then act like I am really interested, but make it so they have to keep explaining it to me, they finally get exasperated, and when I laugh they get pissed off; I have used their precious time and they do pay for the time to some company, and the callers get dinged if they do not make enough calls.

The Seinfeld approach is the best, if it’s a human being:

https://youtu.be/_lNJIpn1Pcg

Now let a nice big one rip, Earl!